Parenting With A Purpose

2012-02-06T12:32:00.000-05:00

Technology, Teenagers and A Changing World

2012-01-30T13:38:00.012-05:00

Has the Internet made us a smarter people? It has definitely made us more connected and aware of what is going on in the world. If something strange happens in one part of the country, everyone else around the globe is hearing about it sometimes faster than the news media can post and report about it.

Take for instance when an earthquake was felt up and down the east coast and up though a lot of northern states in 2011. Within seconds, everyone was updating their Facebook status with: "Did anybody else feel that?" All of a sudden, us North Carolinians were talking to family and even strangers from other parts of the county and even around the world about the earthquake we experienced.

We often hear older generations say this is a different world than what they knew growing up. Every generation says that. I've even said it occasionally, but it is true. We have the world at our fingertips. Any bit of information that we could possibly want to know is probably located on the Internet. This is particularly great for young people in many ways. Sure, there are many things they could be exposed to that they might not would have without the Internet. That's where good parenting comes in and the empowerment of children to make good choices.

We have always been drawn to self-help books and tools. Look how many self-help entrepreneurs have become mega millionaires from hawking their goods and advice. They put it out there and we buy it. (Based on combined research from major market reports, the self-help industry is worth probably around $15Billion. That's a lot of money.)

Some of the information has been really good and useful, and some of it, well...It seems to me that a lot of the advice that is out there repeats itself in one way or another. Each professional just has different ways of presenting the information. We need helpful reminders along the way to help us stay focused on family, work and relationships. Also as times change, we may need to acquire a fresh approach to new situations. An old proverb however, says there is nothing new under the sun.

More and more the common reply to most questions is this: "Google it already!!!"

My son posted an update on one of his accounts that he didn't know how to tell someone how he felt about them. I thought it was funny, yet interesting that one of his teenage buddies posted a reply that went something like this: Just go to ehow.com.

Isn't that something, teenagers are even more aware of relationship issues and how to work through them, which brings me back to my original question of thought. Are we a smarter bunch of human beings because of the Internet?

We might be smarter because of having a vast supply of information along with an instant response from our favorite search engine, but we still have to make personal choices and take action in order for there to be change in our world. That is something that technology cannot do for us and will never change from one generation to the next.

We can use technology to change the world, but ultimately it is up to us to do it. Personally, I believe the true test of our being smart with all this technology is if we use it for good while bringing people together. Maybe we can make a difference in this world after all. Let's make this a better place for the next generation that will follow us. I'm reminded of that old familiar song that goes something like this: Let there be peace on earth, and let it begin with me.

Sometimes We Need A Shock to Wake Us Up and Inspire Change

2011-11-24T10:00:00.001-05:00

UPDATE: Man reunites with doctor that saved his life.

A Mother's Journey of Success, Lies, Defeat, Prison, Redemption and Being On The Right Track

2011-11-21T15:36:00.002-05:00

You might also like to follow up with Marion's website: http://www.marionjones.org/

Helpful Advice When Going Through A Divorce

2011-11-21T10:13:00.001-05:00

Having survived a divorce myself nearly 10 years ago, I found this recent article interesting and thought it would be beneficial to share with you. I hope you are not having to experience a divorce, but if you are or you know someone who is, please take the time to read and share this helpful, thought provoking article I found for you.

The Top 10 Strategies to Help You Thrive Through Divorce - fncimag.com

Classic Bill Cosby on Parenting and Grandparenting

2011-11-06T14:56:00.000-05:00

For the Love of Money..A Family Picking Up the Pieces After a Hellish Reality

2011-10-31T18:09:00.000-04:00

Money can bring a family together or split them far apart. Deception and corruption has a way of surfacing even if someone is very good at hiding the truth. A family can be totally devastated. Ruth Madoff and her son, Andrew talk about their experience in regards to Bernie Madoff and his scams on a recent NBC Today show.

CLICK HERE TO SEE INTERVIEW

Back At it Again..Hope you will join me..

2011-08-04T12:58:00.005-04:00

Hi Everyone, If you read any of my earlier postings, you will realize they are actually archived articles from the McDowell County Newspaper, The News Bulletin. (which is no longer in print at this time). I am going to continue using this blog to highlight noteworthy items that will be of help and inspiration to you as a parent. I will probably write a personal note about parenting along the way, but I think it would be great to showcase other parents on here. I will also share helpful tools for being a great parent and positive role model in the lives of your children. Parenting is not easy. It can have many rewards along with it's share of heartache. I have often said we are all in this life together, so why not be of help to each other?

Check Out My New Blog!

2010-06-21T12:27:00.008-04:00

Hi Everyone, I wanted to let you know about one of my other blogs. If the world of business interests you, this is something I would like you to check out. Back in January of 2010 I totally changed professional careers. The blog is titled "Secrets Of A Thriving Hotel." Even if you are not a hotelier or in the service industry, you would still benefit from reading my blog. Who doesn't want to be successful? I hope you will join me and check out my new blog! Thanks ~

Here is the link:
http://secretsofathrivinghotel.blogspot.com/

2010-06-20T11:00:00.002-04:00

Sending out

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY

greeting

to all you dad's out there..

but especially my own

father.

Love you, Dad!!!

Me and My Dad

2010-05-23T18:51:00.000-04:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY!!!

2010-05-23T18:22:00.001-04:00

We celebrated my father’s 69^th birthday on Sunday. I enjoyed watching his face as he opened his birthday gift. He has such a creative soul and is always jotting down thoughts, ideas and songs. He was a radio announcer back in the day and has always enjoyed recording things.

He has been in a recording studio when it was simply LP’s, 8-tracks and reel-to-reels to cue. Technology sure has come a long way since then, but for some reason he has found it easier all these years to simply avoid computers and the internet.

I wonder if it has been intimidating for him. When cell phones first came out, he saw absolutely no need for them. He didn’t like learning something new like that. If you see him today though, he does not go anywhere without his cell phone.

He probably cannot tell you all about the gadgets and apps that his phone has let alone show you, but he can call you and answer it if it rings. He might even be able to send a brief text message if he had a lot of time to spare.

He shouldn’t feel bad about that though. I rarely text message anyone myself. Dad had a perplexed look on his face when he first opened his birthday present and pulled out a voice recorder. I thought it would be a great idea to give him something digital that he could easily record, store and play back all his creative ponderings.

At first he did seem a little overwhelmed, but he slowly opened it and tried to figure it out. I gave him the basics about turning it on and how to record himself and play it back and erase it if needed. Within minutes he seemed comfortable enough to do his first recording.

I smile now remembering the rich rumble of his voice as he quoted a historical fact. He has to be the most patriotic man I know and he takes pride in knowing a lot about our forefathers and our heritage. He sounded just like the radio announcer from years ago as he held the recorder to capture his words.

He handled his new and somewhat intimidating gadget with care. He gave his shirt pocket a gentle pat as he slipped the recorder in it’s new home. He will probably take that little recorder everywhere he goes. There’s no telling what all he will put on there, but I can’t wait to hear all about it in a couple of weeks.

Dad’s 69^th birthday has caused me to reflect a little more on life and how quick the years can pass by. I remember so many stories of Dad growing up like him falling off a swinging bridge and nearly drowning, him playing music all these years, him being in the military, getting married and becoming a dad, loving his job in the radio industry and being successful with it.

All these stories and more have stuck with me. I get misty eyed thinking about his golden years. I am quite aware that the years I have to enjoy him are numbered. Life on this earth does not last forever.

I have made up my mind to savor every single second I have with him.

I try to ask questions about things he has insight on. I probably gained a lot of my business and communication skills from him. There’s no question I inherited creative talents from him. We just recently worked on writing a song together and I will always hold that memory close to my heart.

It saddens me that my time left with Dad on this earth might be short, but I am compelled to live my life as passionately as I can. I am not guaranteed tomorrow and I may not have 69 years to live like Dad has been blessed with.

I cannot control the changes that I might have to face in life, but I have learned over time that with faith and love and passion I can overcome anything. A long time ago I had a hard time relating to my father, but now I realize I have something extra special in my relationship with Dad.

Dad pulled his voice recorder out of his pocket several times on his birthday and recorded little clips. It made my heart glad to see him being open to change. After all, the recorder is very similar to the concept of a cassette recorder that he used for so many years.

I realized that sometimes the things we fear the most are simply not as bad as we imagined. It takes courage to make changes but sometimes those changes, albeit small can make our life so much richer and full of happiness. Instead of being afraid of losing Dad, I’m going to embrace this stage of his life and help him celebrate the years that he is alive. Each year passes by so quickly but we do have today and this very moment to live. So I am going to live, and I’m going to live as if each day were my last.

DIAMONDS AND LOVE ARE FOREVER

2010-05-10T10:48:00.013-04:00

How did you spend this year's Mother's Day? I spent part of it working and part of it with my two sons. We also went to see the movie Iron Man 2 the night before. It was a great movie but it really does not matter what we are doing as long as we are spending time together as a family.

It can be a challenge sometimes at the end of the day when I am tired from work and would like to just crash on the couch for a few minutes. That usually does not happen though. When you are a single parent there are few time-outs for the boss.

I have found if I do not take a huge break and just push myself a couple more hours after work I can catch a second wind and enjoy more family time with my sons. I would not dare tell them I almost fell asleep while watching Robert Downey Jr. transform into Iron Man.

I would never hear the end of that one. They already remind me to stay awake before we start movie nights at home. Maybe that's why they always have me sit in the middle on the couch so they can either nudge me or throw things at me if I doze off.

That's pretty sad. I'm not old yet. At least I do not look or feel old. I guess that's what happens when you juggle many things. My spirits lifted when my sons surprised me with a pretty necklace with a precious stone inside a heart setting.

I have to say thank you not only to my thoughtful sons but also to Shelley's Jewelers of Hendersonville, NC. They made Mother's Day special for single mothers like me this year by allowing someone from the family to come pick out a necklace for mom.

What a wonderful gift Shelley's gave the kids that wanted to honor their mother's with something special. My own sons love to do something special for me this time of year but do not always have someone to help them do that.

I pause to feel the beautiful heart necklace around my neck and I want Shelley's to know I truly appreciate what they did this year for Mother's Day. I will be smiling every time I wear this necklace and remember how excited my children were to give me such a wonderful gift.

When I have a day that I feel overworked and not appreciated as a mom, I am going to look in the mirror and let this necklace remind me that there are two young men who love me very much. Even though they may not tell me thank you every day for all I do, I know I am making a difference in their lives. That in itself is worth more than all the diamonds in the world.

CALLING ALL TEENAGERS!!!

2010-04-12T13:34:00.006-04:00

Calling ALL teenagers! I am interested in doing a series on important issues that involve our teenagers today. I am looking for willing participants who would voluntarily give readers some insight as to what is going on in your world as a young adult.
From the time you hit puberty until you graduate from high school you experience so much more than most do in a lifetime. You have an interesting, fresh perspective on life that other people can learn from. Regardless of whether you are the prom queen with bazillion friends on facebook and myspace or you are the student few people really take the time to get to know, I want to hear from you.
I know it seems that adults do not listen to what you are saying. Maybe that is why you retreat sometimes and want your quiet space away from mom and dad. You are exploring your own identity and discovering what it is you want out of life.
How about putting your thoughts down on paper? You have a voice and I would like to hear what you have to say. You are welcome to share anything you like. Tell us about yourself. Is there something in particular you wish everyone could know?
What are your thoughts about divorce, family arguments, peer pressure, sexting, underage drinking, sex, bullying, and even teachers getting involved with students outside of the classroom? Surely you have something to say. Some people may agree with you. Some may not. Some might be relieved that there is another person out there going through the same thing you are.
You do not have to be the most prolific writer to share your thoughts. Just allow yourself to tell us what you are thinking. The best part is that no one will interrupt you or try to tell you what you should be doing or thinking. I would like to share some of your stories with our readers. If you would like me to tell your story but would like to stay anonymous that is perfectly fine.
I would like as many of you as possible to participate in several short polls that will be included in upcoming articles. Please help spread the word and tell your friends about this. The more that participate the better. This is your chance to be heard and for parents, teachers and friends to listen to what you have to say.
Parents, if you would like your teenager to participate, please encourage them to contact me. I think this will be a great experience for everyone involved. I look forward to hearing from everyone. If you have a story about someone you would like to submit, please feel free to send it as well.
Please e-mail me and let me know if you are interested in participating. My e-mail address is contact@rebekahjanell.com. Teachers, this is a great opportunity for your students to sharpen their writing and communication skills so I encourage you to help spread the word and get as many young people to participate as possible.
Thank you and I look forward to hearing what you have to say.

LETTING GO

2010-03-22T10:58:00.004-04:00

We are still remodeling our home and the huge green rollaway container is still parked outside the house. It is just about full and ready to finally be removed from the property but we still have a ways to go. I find myself getting anxious to be totally done so I can enjoy the finished work.
I can see how much simpler life will be around here and that is the place I want to be. I am tired of all the sorting and weeding through a lifetime accumulation of stuff. I know I have put it off for months and even years so it really is important to do it while I have the time and energy to do so.
I was thinking today about the different times I have had to make changes in my relationships. Here we go again. Surprise! We are going to be talking about relationships and making those important yet often difficult changes in life. There must be some good reason we have been talking about this subject for so long now. I hope I have helped at least one of you.
Just like I have been ready to skip the time consuming process of going through old boxes and throwing away junk, you can struggle and resist making changes in your relationships that you know are not good for you. Who has a lot of time to deal with that sort of thing anyway?
Life is moving around us at such a fast pace it is much easier to simply let things take care of themselves, isn’t it? Or is it? If we do not allow ourselves to look at the bigger picture in life and the long term consequences of ignoring the need to cull out some of our connections, we are in essence setting ourselves up for unhappiness and a huge canyon often referred to as a rut.
Maybe instead of a rut we could also reference it as a grave we are preparing. Are you in a dead end relationship? Do you feel in your heart this relationship can never be healthy as it should have been or as passionate that it could have been?
Perhaps over time you have felt as if you have been slowly fading away and dying on the inside. How sad when you realize that, after all the time you have spent with someone you care about, your life’s journey is actually meant to be on two very distinct and separate paths. You realize that it is not in the best interest of either one of you to drag this relationship out much longer.
Sometimes we cannot see what we are getting out of and how much it had affected us and changed us until we are on the other side and out of the unhealthy relationship. How do you know when you should stop ignoring the signs that it is indeed over? When do you wake up and decide you cannot go another day without change?
I have been thinking about these things as I have getting rid of the old stuff in my house. I can hardly wait to sit in my new living room furniture. If I close my eyes I can feel the smooth surface of a wooden floor underneath my feet. Forget this cleaning mess. Just let me experience what my heart desires.
What I realize is that you cannot enjoy the new until you get rid of the old. I cannot add more stuff to my house without creating chaos and stress unless I let go of some things that I simply do not need. Even in relationships, we hold on tightly to those chaotic relationships that take us away from the core of who we are.
Does that not seem odd to you? Why would we hold on to something that hurts us or that takes us away from our purpose in life? It is in letting go of negative connections that we can free ourselves to actually be at a good place in life to experience a more fulfilling and nurturing and healthy relationship.
If I were to ask each one of you if want to be happy in life I have no doubt you would probably answer yes. Who doesn’t want to be happy? True happiness comes from love and peace of mind. All too often we search for these things in other people. Unfortunately, they will always let us down. Not only that, but they have their own issues in life that either empower them to love unconditionally or to manipulate one’s affections for their own good.
Maybe it is time we stop making our decisions based on what other people are doing. What is it you need to sort through and let go of? I find it interesting that in letting go, you are actually embracing change. Change is never easy until we see the good it brings. Sometimes we have to say a prayer and simply let go. That courageous defining moment will change you forever.
You just might be amazed at a whole new incredible world you never knew existed. That is when you raise your sails and start exploring what life has in store for you. It all starts with letting go of things in your life that are unhealthy for you and embracing the things that are good.

Find Out Who Your Friends Are

2010-03-15T17:03:00.002-04:00

Today I ordered a 30 yard rollaway container so I and my two sons could officially get started on a remodeling project for our home. I had no idea the metal container would be so huge when the company rolled it right near my house. We have barely started and I want to tell everyone one thing. If you ever tackle a remodeling project of your own, remember to make life easier for yourself and rent one of these huge containers.
It feels great throwing unwanted junk in there. I love to hear the echo when something bounces around before landing in the growing pile of stuff. That sound means more space in my home. We decided to give this contraption a nickname since it will be residing with us for a week or two. We call it “Biggen” since it is so big.
We are not only remodeling several rooms. We are also throwing out clutter and trash and anything that is not moving that does not need to be here. Springtime is perfect for this sort of thing. We’re just getting a head start! How quickly stuff adds up. I feel the need to simplify and have exactly what I need and want in my house. There’s a term for that isn’t it. Some people call it minimalism.
I just like things to be clean and in their place as much as possible. I was so excited to pull up in my driveway to find the company I hired had delivered Biggen on the same day I called them. I was more than ready to start weeding out things I no longer wanted. My two sons were not so happy because they knew once I started working it would be hard for me to stop, which meant they would be working as well.
This remodeling process and this clearing out of my house are kind of parallel with another part of my life. Over the last few months I have been seriously looking at every single relationship in my life. I feel the need to weed out the ones that are simply unhealthy. I want to cultivate new friendship while nurturing the ones I already have that are good for me.
We all have friendships along the way that can fall into a category of not so healthy. People go through things that change them. I’ve had friends that allow life’s circumstances to affect them in a negative way which in turn has influenced my relationship with them. I have learned over the years that you do not simply burn a bridge with someone unless you are prepared to totally let go and never look back.
I have always tried to live my life with as few regrets as possible. I found myself in a certain situation not too long ago where I had to make a decision about one of my closest friendships. Just because you give yourself space from a friend does not mean it has to be permanent. Even if you have a huge argument and there does not seem to be a way to compromise, you can take some time apart without totally tossing the friendship away.
That is kind of where I am at right now. It is one thing to reach out to someone who needs a friend but if that person continues to drag you down and cannot be your friend in return, you should seriously think about that and how involved you want to be with that person. True friends do not belittle you or try to manipulate your choices in life.
Friendships involve giving and receiving. It is not just about me and not just about you either. It is about two unique individuals coming together and enjoying the differences between you as well as the similarities because life is more enjoyable with them around. If you find yourself avoiding someone and you are not sure why, there might actually be a reason.
Once we get involved in friendships it is so hard to end them because let’s face it, who wants to be the bad guy, right? I have seen people hang on for a lifetime to terrible relationships because they keep hoping the other person involved will either change or be the one to walk away. I have done that myself before.
The problem with that is that we put our happiness in someone else’s hands. We let them control us to a degree even if we feel in our heart that we should not be together. It takes courage and guts to be honest sometimes. Should we avoid making changes in our life simply because our choice might hurt someone?
Now that I am getting a little older and hopefully wiser I do not jump and make rash decisions when it involves someone else other than me. I do not want to hurt anyone unnecessarily. So if I have prayed about something and thought about all the potential risks and benefits before proceeding to make a decision, I will step up and make those choices.
I believe that if I am afraid to make critical decisions when they are important, my children will learn to live in fear and miss out on wonderful opportunities as well. As a parent I do not want that for them. I want them to go after the life they want. I want them to live passionately and responsibly and confidently. Our kids do watch us and learn from us. We are their blueprint for parenting so why not be the best examples we possibly can be.
It is very important in our relationships and our friendships to establish personal boundaries. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves what those boundaries are. This is especially true when we find out a friendship is not good for us or for the person we are involved with. It may seem mean and cold to break away from someone who you have known for years, but sometimes it is necessary.
I am saddened that one of my friendships has been severed at this time. I have not completely burned the bridge between us because I do realize that we all go through stages in life that can affect us in a huge way. People can change for the better over time. It is a personal journey they are on. Perhaps our paths will cross again and we can simply enjoy building a new type of friendship. I cannot control the future though.
All I know is I had to let go. I had to break away because I am on my own journey as well. I want healthy relationships in my life. That is what I am embracing. So as I continue to toss remnants from the rooms in my house during this remodeling project, I am not going to spend a lot of time fretting over the stuff I am throwing away. When we let go of something, we might be a bit vulnerable, but we are also opening ourselves up to new things and new experiences.
I have already experienced personal changes with my job during these winter months. Changing jobs was the best career move I ever made. Now I am allowing that to happen with my personal life as well. I want to keep myself in a good positive place. Whatever changes I have to face in the coming months, or even changes I might have make myself will be embraced with a willing heart.
I might not have been so willing a few months ago, so that is a perfect example that people can change. Time can heal wounds. Love can turn an ordinary day into a colorful, magical world. Let’s embrace change today. Let’s celebrate that we can make personal choices. Your life will be what you want it to be. Why settle for less?

GET READY FOR THE CHANGE!

2010-03-01T14:53:00.004-05:00

We’ve been talking about making changes in life and I thought today would be a perfect opportunity to simply encourage you in your process. Life is interesting because all of us are at different stages in life. Our life’s experiences and personal choices have brought us to this place. Where we go from here is up to us.
Reflect on the following thoughts as you continue to pursue your personal dreams and goals. It is so easy to second guess yourself after you decide you want to do something different. If you have to live and interact with critical people in your life, you probably will not get much encouragement or support from them. This is a way you can motivate yourself to reach beyond the status quo of a mediocre existence.

It's never too late - in fiction or in life - to revise. ~Nancy Thayer~

Things do not change; we change. ~Henry David Thoreau~

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. ~George Bernard Shaw~

We accept the verdict of the past until the need for change cries out loudly enough to force upon us a choice between the comforts of inertia and the irksomeness of action. ~Learned Hand~

Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts. ~Arnold Bennett~

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy, for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter into another. ~Anatole France~

When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. ~Helen Keller~

We are taught to understand, correctly, that courage is not the absence of fear, but the capacity for action despite our fears. ~John McCain~

There are some people who live in a dream world, and there are some who face reality; and then there are those who turn one into the other. ~Douglas Everett~

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. ~Andy Warhol~

Nothing is impossible to a willing heart. ~John Heywood~

The wise look ahead to see what is coming, but fools deceive themselves. ~Proverb of Solomon~

It is our choices..that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. ~J.K. Rowling~

If your ship doesn’t come in, swim out to it. ~Jonathan Winters

2010-02-22T17:45:00.008-05:00

Does anyone out there keep up with American Idol? According to Nielson TV ratings American Idol can easily have close to 40 million viewers on any given night, especially when the season finale approaches. Chances are, you either watch it occasionally or you hear Idol chit-chat about the contestants at work or in the community.
Do you remember Angela Martin? This gal has a powerful voice to be reckoned with. She was eliminated before she truly had a chance to shine. It was quite painful watching her walk down the aisle of an empty theater to a seat waiting for her onstage.
Angela covered her mouth with her hands and continued crying until she reached her seat and sat across from the four judges who were about to reveal her status. Later we learned that one of the reasons she was so emotional is because the producers had pictures of her 10 year old daughter on a huge screen above the stage.
Her daughter suffers from Rett Syndrome which means she has to live with seizures every single day of her life. Angela is a single mother. Her father was murdered by her stepmother and now her own mother has been reported missing since December 26. This is a lot for one person to deal with.
Angela was not a brand new face to American Idol auditions this year. This was her third year trying. She could not finish last year because she did not even have enough money to pay for a traffic ticket she had received. According to Angela she relies on prayer to even make it each day. She keeps trying and tries her best to stay positive.
It had to be difficult for the judges to break the bad news to her last week. They had not chosen her for the top 12 for whatever reason. They did tell her it was one of the hardest years because there were so many talented girls trying out this year. I was rather surprised that she did not make it.
Angela has way more stage presence than some of the other girls they chose, and she is definitely a good singer through and through. It caught me off guard to hear the judges say she would be going home. They tried their best to encourage her but she was obviously distraught from the whole ordeal.
Have you ever made a decision to do something in your life that involved a risk? Angela Martin’s choice involved her trying out for American Idol. It was a risk for her because she had already failed several times before. Not because she was not talented and a great singer, but because of her life’s circumstances.
Your risk is probably totally different from Angela’s because you are not trying out for a singing competition. You might actually be thinking about making changes in your life that could take you down a whole new road. Angela’s life could have been changed for the better if she had made it through, especially if she made it to the end of the competition and secured a record deal.
It appeared last week that she would simply return back home to raise her daughter and continue to struggle to make ends meet. Was it worth the risk for her to even try; to take a chance? She had put a lot of thought and time and energy into moving in a new direction. She was more than ready for change and change would have been a good thing for her and her daughter.
She put aside her fear of failure. What if she didn’t make it on her third try? Angela obviously put that fear to rest when she courageously auditioned this year and made it through to Hollywood. She put aside her embarrassment for her life’s circumstances. She allowed herself to be vulnerable again. She took a chance.
When you make up your mind you are going to move in a new direction, regardless of what that choice may be, you become vulnerable because other people pay attention to what you do. They especially notice significant changes in your life. That in itself can be intimidating, but do not let that stop you from becoming the person you want to be.
Sometimes when things do not work out exactly as we planned or hoped for, there is probably a good reason why. There just might be something better right around the corner. Individuals that exercise faith and hope in their lives can attest to that very thing.
It is when you stop believing that you rob yourself of experiencing life to the fullest. You miss out on golden opportunities because you are drowning in the sea of depression and anger and regret.
Angela Martin was on the Ellen DeGeneres Show when she realized life had another interesting twist for her. It was one of those little surprises that totally catch you off guard and that can change your life forever. Ellen announced that American Idol judge and songwriter Kara DioGuardi would be writing a song specifically for Angela Martin. They would be sending her to a studio to record it and help give her music career a jump start.
This came about all because of how Angela handled herself through these last three years, especially after being eliminated on American Idol. Always remember that your choices have a ripple effect on your family and loved ones. The odds were stacked against her and she had a lot of emotional issues to deal with while she was trying to make changes, but she pressed ahead and took the risk.
You can wait until life is absolutely perfect for you and the conditions are right for change, but you might be waiting forever. Your life is passing you by while you wait. Time is not going to slow down for you or anyone else. When you make changes in your life, you motivate your children to make changes in their life as well.
When you live your life in fear, you teach your children that life is not what we make of it. We just have to take what we are given, crawl in a hole at the end of the day and be lonely and unhappy. Wake up and start another miserable day. Stop living such a miserable existence. Give your children a reason to believe and to have hope for a better day. What choices can you make today to get you closer to the life you’ve always wanted to live?

WHAT ARE YOUR OPTIONS???

2010-02-18T19:42:00.003-05:00

We had a man with his two young sons check in at the hotel a few weeks ago. I was so impressed with this man. He was involved with the military in some capacity but was not from around here. He was taking care of these kids all by himself.
I did not ask about his wife because that is none of our business. Every time he comes to our area it is just the three of them. He seems perfectly content to be with his boys.
This guy took his young guns out in the parking lot one weekend after we had cleared out from a big snowstorm. They were flying their kites since they had the entire parking lot to themselves. It was nice to see a dad spending time with his sons.
The next morning he came to the front desk to ask about his iron for the boys clothes. I told him he was doing a good job with his sons and he really is. When he brought the boys down for breakfast I was watching the three of them making their way to the breakfast area.
His sons were overwhelmed with trying to decide exactly what they wanted to eat. I liked what he told them. He used one of my favorite words. He said to them, “Men, these are your options.” Then he proceeded to list off what they could choose to eat.
It took them a few minutes to finally nail down what they wanted but they quickly started to chow down. The boys were so cute. They really did look like little men.
The reason I love the idea of options when it comes to choices in life is that we each have the ability to make our own choices. Each decision we make can take us down a lot of different paths. We cannot see the final outcome sometimes which makes it difficult to choose.
When you are buying a new car whether it is used or brand new on the lot, what is one of the first things you should do besides look at your budget? If you answered ask what your options are, you are correct. When you decide to try a new haircut what do you normally do? You look at your options, don’t you? You look at different pictures and find the one that you like the best.
I have been trying to apply this same principal in my relationships and personal choices. I always ask myself this question, “What are my options?” There are always options. It is worth taking the time to look at them and think through your choices. All too often we jump and make poor choices and that’s when we have regrets in life.
I learned the hard way, and I have a few scars to prove it, that you should not be so quick to burn bridges with your friends and loved ones. It is not good to be passive either. If a decision needs to be made and you know it is the right thing to do, you should set your mind on the obvious and do it.
If you are having serious doubts about a certain decision, you should step back and reconsider. Maybe there is another option you have not yet thought about. When you find that missing piece of information and it fits like a jigsaw puzzle, you go for it.
Difficult times in our life may be some of the hardest days we have to face, but they can also provide the greatest turning points as well. If you lose your job, you have a wonderful opportunity to look at a world of options. Look at me for instance. When I had several pay cuts with my last employer, I immediately started looking at my options. I did not jump off the boat and quit. When I left the company, I left on my terms.
I scouted out different types of jobs based on my work and education experience. I put out my bread crumbs on the water to see which companies might bite. Maybe there was a new type of work that I might enjoy and that might fit into my life. That’s how I looked at my options.
You have to be patient when looking at your options but always ready to make a decision if you need to. If you cannot make a decision in your life, you are going to live with regrets and someone else is going to enjoy what you missed out on. I am so glad I learned early on about options and how to make them work to your advantage. It is something you can do as well.
Maybe it is a new concept for you to be a little more patient and to think through your choices, but trust me; it is well worth it in the long run. You will be much happier with your life if you can learn to do this. You have heard the old saying, “Good things come to those who wait.” We’ve all rolled our eyes when our friends have told us that, right?
Well, the saying is true, but that’s only half the equation. Good things do come to those who wait, but the best things are usually discovered while you are waiting. Don’t be lazy and expect what you want to simply drop out of the sky right outside your front door. I have yet to see that happening on the local news. Maybe I missed that story.
Be assertive. If you know what it is you are looking for, step outside and take a look around. Start enjoying all the many options that you already have. If something is missing or lacking in your life, start doing your homework and seeing what your options are. You just might discover that what you’ve been wanting has been right in front of you the whole time. Grab hold of life for a change instead of letting life’s circumstances control you.

Kiss The Ring, Baby! Congrats to the Saints!

2010-02-08T14:51:00.004-05:00

Everything is possible when it comes to life. I was so excited for the New Orleans Saints when they won this year’s Super Bowl. They defeated the Indianapolis Colts with a score of 31-17.
I thought this game was a perfect example of how things can turn around for us when we least expect it. Have you ever wanted something so much and yet it seemed out of your reach? You wanted it to the point of where you could close your eyes and almost feel it as if it were actually happening at that very moment.
Then you open your eyes and realize it was just wishful thinking on your part. It had not become reality yet. You might even question if it is even remotely possible. How long do you hold on to a dream before choosing to painfully let go? How do you know when to let go or if life requires you to let go?
I came home late from work on Sunday when the Saints and Colts were in the first part of the second quarter. The Saints were down. I think the score was 10-3 in favor of the Colts. You could tell that the players on the sidelines for the Colts were pumped and confident.
You almost got a sinking feeling that maybe this would be a runaway victory for them. I did not stop pulling for the Saints. I wanted them to come from behind and go all the way to the end as the champs.
My oldest son was indecisive as who he would pull for, but he thought the Saints would ultimately lose because they were down. I told him the game still had a lot of time left. Anything can happen in a football game. I’ve seen games where a team comes from behind and at the buzzer somehow pulls out a win.
Those are great ballgames to watch. I don’t like biting my nails but every now and then it’s a great adrenalin rush when it‘s for a game like that. Once the New Orleans Saints settled down and got into their game plan, they kind of stole the show.
It seemed like the game took on a natural flow in their favor. They were catching just about everything quarterback Drew Brees was throwing. It seemed inevitable that they would come from behind and win. Brees completed 32 of 39 passes for 288 yards and two touchdowns. He was named the Super Bowl MVP.
All it took was quarterback Peyton Manning of Indianapolis throwing into an interception to really change the direction of this exciting, memorable game. The Saints grabbed hold of that momentum and ran with it. They were simply unstoppable. What a game!
I think a lot of people were pulling for the Saints simply because the team truly deserved it. This win is huge for New Orleans. It will be a catalyst of hope for so many people for many years to come.
Do not think for one second that this Super Bowl victory was handed to them on a silver platter. The team was not awarded Super Bowl rings and a trip to Disney World and the White House because our country felt sorry for them. This had nothing to do with sympathy.
Destiny could have played a role in it. Quarterback Drew Brees even alluded to that very thought when he was interviewed post game and he was holding the coveted Vince Lombardi trophy. They actually worked their rear ends off for this moment. Up until their very last workout prior to the big game they were putting everything they had into improving their chances of a victory.
It wasn’t enough that they had this golden opportunity. They were going to make sure they left nothing to chance. If they had lost, it was simply going to be because another team had out played and out smarted them on the field.
Win or lose, they were going to give it everything. All their passion, all their honed football skills and all their hopes and dreams followed them as they made their way from the locker room of Sun Life Stadium in Miami Gardens, Florida and out on to the field.
How does this relate to us in our daily lives? Regardless of your age, it is perfectly OK to have a dream. It is more than OK to have something you want to happen more than anything else. It is perfectly natural to have dreams and desires.
I think the hard part for so many people, me included is that it can be difficult in waiting for those dreams to become a reality. It is easy to give up when it seems things will not turn around in our favor. We can be like the Saints when they were so close to what they wanted and yet they were down in the second quarter. It is hard coming from behind to win.
Things can seem impossible for you. Your situation in life may even seem hopeless. You may have even become disillusioned with the idea that dreams cannot come true. Just because your dream has not come true at this very moment does not mean that it is not around the next bend.
It does not mean that good things are not headed your way. We cannot see into the future. We are not guaranteed the next breath. All we have is this very moment that we are living. That is why I believe it is so important to live each moment as if it were your last.
Leave nothing to chance. These New Orleans Saints trained for the Super Bowl as if they were going to win. Live your life as if you were meant to be here, because obviously you were. You would not be here if there was no purpose to your life.
Find that purpose and go for it. I have been reminding you over these last few weeks about developing an awareness of golden opportunities. Wouldn’t you much rather live your life telling yourself and everyone else that you are glad you took advantage of a great opportunity?
I have no doubt the New Orleans Saints will be dancing in their sleep and kissing those Super Bowl rings for weeks all because they realized they had been given a perfect opportunity this football season. They did everything they could on their end to be the best team they could possibly be.
They gave it everything they had every single game. They showed up. They were present in the moment. They purposefully moved in the direction of the reality they wanted. They didn’t look back at all the losses they had experienced over the years. It didn’t matter that they had failed so many times in the past.
What mattered was today, the present. What is it that you desperately want in your life today? Yesterday is the past. You cannot do anything about it. You cannot change it. You CAN however, do something about today. What are you going to do? WHAT are you going to do?

A Move in the Right Direction

2010-02-03T18:58:00.000-05:00

It has been several weeks since I last wrote an article for the paper and with good reason. Here we have been talking about making changes this year and that is exactly what I have been doing with my job and career.
I had taken on a part-time job in the hotel industry back in June of 2009. I did not give up my job in the medical field but continued to juggle both jobs until a couple of weeks ago. After a lot of thoughtful consideration, I made the leap and totally changed professions.
I now work for both Ramada/Hendersonville and Red Roof Inn/Hendersonville. They share the same owner. I am now Director of Sales. What started out as a part-time job ended up being a wonderful change for the better. I have the best of both worlds because I get to be in the community networking with other businesses and still getting to interact with our guests.
I am kind of pioneering this position for Ramada because they have never had anyone in this position before. This is a newly renovated facility so they are trying to build their clientele and attract new loyal guests.
My work is cut out for me in many ways but I always like a challenge. It keeps things interesting. The hotel industry always provides an interesting work day because no two guests are alike.
We have enjoyed a great year at Red Roof Inn/Hendersonville and I am hoping to bring the same enthusiasm and drive to the Ramada/Hendersonville as well. If you like, you can join me on Facebook. Just look for Rebekah J. Fishel-Ramada.
I always love meeting new friends and we will be offering special hotel rates for those that stay connected with us online. It is also a great place for you to learn about travel destinations all around the world.
Speaking of special offers, I want to let you know of something coming up here in a couple of weeks. We have a Valentine’s Special that is very affordable for all you love birds. I would not normally tell you about special package deals going on at Ramada because well, that is not what my articles are about.
Many of you have been loyal readers for a long time and I appreciate that. I am passing this info on to you because you might be looking for that something different to do this Valentine’s Day. Ramada-Hendersonville is close to McDowell County but far enough away to feel like you are actually out of town.
We have a Valentine’s Special for the entire weekend of the 14th. Valentine’s Day falls on a Sunday this year, so if you would like to stay with us any night during that weekend you can get a special rate of $43.99 + tax per night. All you need to do to secure your reservation is call directly to the Ramada-Hendersonville location at 828-697-0006.
You have no idea how glad I am to be in a job that I love. It doesn’t even feel like work. How blessed am I to have secured such a position. This goes to show that change can be good. This change came about because I was alert to a golden opportunity.
I was observant and paid attention to the needs of the company. I knew I could do something to help so I was not afraid to draw up a business plan and make a proposal. Fortunately, the hotel owner is very business minded and looking to make more revenue with her properties so it was a win-win situation for both of us.
It all started when my old job gave the employees pay cuts. I basically took on the part-time job just to supplement my income. Little did I know it would take me down a different road. I am now glad it all worked out the way it did.
The only problem with being in the hotel industry is that there will always be guests rain or shine, sleet or snow. I have been camped out at the Red Roof Inn this past weekend pulling my share of the shifts. It has been a home away from home.
This has been one eventful winter so far. I just heard on the news that even more winter weather is on the way this week and for this weekend. I guess I should try to head back up the mountain to my house for a couple of days if I can.
If you find yourself losing your job or losing hours and pay in these difficult economic times, try to stay alert to other possibilities. You just might land a job that is more rewarding and more enjoyable. Good things can still happen to those who believe and to those who are willing to be open minded to change.

TIME TO LOVE..OR TIME TO LET GO?

2010-01-13T17:02:00.001-05:00

Today is all about relationships. We’ve been talking about changes in our lives. Relationships can often times become an emotional drain on us which can affect so many different areas of our life.
I recently ran in to several acquaintances associated with my work who has struggled at some point with their relationships. Both women are very successful in their respective jobs. They are beautiful ladies and have a wonderful personality to match.
Looking at them you would ask yourself why someone would not want to love them. You might incorrectly assume that they could never have any problems with relationships. I think we can sometimes be too quick to judge somebody based on their outward appearance.
We cannot see their hearts or what goes on behind closed doors. One of these ladies is over a large medical practice. Doctors put a lot of confidence in her to make sure everything is running smoothly. She seems to handle it all with perfect ease and confidence while at the same time wearing high heels, business attire and still juggling her family life at home.
I was surprised to inadvertently overhear a telephone conversation about a year ago involving this office manager and her husband. You would have thought she was an attorney proving her case.
After their heated argument over the phone, she briefly talked to me about it. All the confidence and business demeanor this woman usually wore quickly faded, even though that lasted but for a few minutes. She momentarily let her wall down to communicate with me from one woman to another.
Based on what she said, her life was not all neatly together as she appeared to be in her business attire. In fact, her life was miserable. She hated being married. She wasn’t looking for a divorce yet her relationship was anything but desirable. I saw a picture sitting in front of me of a very lonely person.
I have a feeling that even her husband is dissatisfied and quite lonely as well. Somehow through their years together they had grown apart. The coldness between them had become quite normal and all too familiar. How sad that they had come to this, yet this is all too common in marriages.
I know because I have been there and done that. The other lady I met a while back. You know how it is. You strike up a conversation with somebody or they initiate some form of chit-chat and occasionally you find a common ground in your life’s experiences.
That was the case with this middle aged lady. She is beautiful and young and on top of her game in her career. How could she possibly have lost out on what seemed to be a perfect relationship?
Yet that was the case with her. She had been engaged to her high school sweetheart. They dated for years.
They were inseparable and supposedly so in love. She started having doubts that they were supposed to be together but she chose to ignore those warning signs. They knew each other so well. She thought love was supposed to feel comfortable.
Later on she realized that it’s great for a relationship to feel comfortable but it’s not worth the risk to be married to someone who does not truly love you. It was most painful for her to realize this when her husband of a very short time asked for a divorce. She was heartbroken as you could imagine.
That was some time ago. She was later going out with some friends who she normally does not hang out with. When they were out enjoying some live music a man approached her and they hit it off. Come to find out, they knew each other from high school.
She had always believed after her divorce that she would never get in another relationship again. That was the last thing on her mind. She did not know how her future would play out or that she was even capable of loving someone so deeply as her current fiancé.
This time she is truly marrying for love. This man is absolutely crazy about her and she is crazy about him. Her hopes for love did not come to life as she had planned it or dreamed it. To hear her tell it, she is happy as can be that she went through what she did so she could meet the real love of her life.
They haven’t planned on dating for years and years like she did with her first husband. We can make our plans and think we have it all together and figured out. Life does not always work according to our plans.
Life is full of surprises. They can make us or break us but it really is up to us how we will handle them. When something is out of our control there is not much we can do to stop it.
I personally believe in prayer. It is a very big part of my life.
I have had too many prayers answered to not believe in it. I have had my share of prayers not answered as well. Those unanswered prayers did not cause me to believe less. In fact, they probably caused me to believe that much more because I later realized there was something better just around the bend that I could not see.
I think some of the hardest choices to make are those involving our close relationships, especially if it involves someone we have loved or cared about in any capacity at any time of our life. As King Solomon once said, there are times to hold on and there are times to let go.
It takes a lot of courage to let go, doesn’t it? You are letting go of something without a promise that there will be anything else out there for you. You are not promised a life filled with love. If that comes your way, you are very blessed and you should hold on to it and nurture it and enjoy it everyday.
Until that happens, take some time to nurture yourself. Take some time to find out what you’re made of and to work out some of the little kinks in your relationship skills. When you least expect it, love might come surprise you.
The best gift you can give yourself is to only marry for love. If you cannot do that, then don’t put yourself and somebody else’s happiness in a casket and bury it before it has the opportunity to be born.
If you find yourself in the midst of a dead end relationship, be courageous and make some choices. You have several options. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world and you do not have to continue being miserable.
Before you jump and end a relationship, you should seek out counseling. It could be that one or both partners simply need to learn better relationship habits and skills. That is doable and fixable if partners are willing to make the effort.
It could also mean that you guys are not compatible and you never will be. But you owe it to yourself to find out the truth. Live your life in truth. When you choose to live your life in truth, you will simultaneously be inviting love back in to your life however that may happen.
We as human beings have the greatest capacity to love and life is so much more enjoyable when you have someone to share it with. Don’t count yourself out just because you have had a bad relationship experience. There is a whole new world out there waiting to be explored.

A Golden Opportunity is Knocking at Your Door

2010-01-05T22:27:00.002-05:00

Happy New Year everyone! Never underestimate the power of seizing golden opportunities and taking chances. This year holds just as much promise for each one of you.
Be alert to little surprises in life that can open a door to a whole new world for you. Here we are already a few days into 2010. This year will be whatever you make of it. Life has a way of throwing us surprises. It’s what you choose to do with them that will make the difference.
Do you think that good things only happen to the next person in line or the person in front of you? Think again. All too often you have probably had perfectly good opportunities come right to your doorstep but you were too busy running out the back door to notice.
The thing about an opportunity regardless of what it involves is that there’s a good chance it might not come around again. This might be the only time you will have the ability to make a decision on it.
Do not let your fear of change get in the way of taking a chance in life. Sure you could ask yourself the paralyzing question of “What If?” What would that do for you? It definitely will not get you closer to what you want.
How about if you ask yourself this question. “What if I do NOT take this chance? Would I regret it later on in life?” If you answer with even a most feeble yes, then you shouldn’t have any problem making up your mind.
The reason it seems the next person in line is having wonderful things happen in their life is because you are taking so long figuring out the What-If’s. While you are trapped in your contemplation, they are taking your chance. They are seizing the opportunity.
So don’t get mad at them for being happy. You could be happy too. How about you being the one grabbing hold of golden opportunities this year? How about the person behind you in line saying, “Man, I wish I had done that!”
Always look at your options in every situation so you can make a wise choice, but do keep in mind that life is moving along and passing us by quicker than we would like. Don’t be left empty handed at the end of 2010. Live your life with as few regrets as possible this year. Give yourself a reason to celebrate.
I had a pet once that was expecting her first litter of puppies. She was pregnant probably too soon in her young life and we were worried about whether or not she could handle it when it came time to deliver.
You know sometimes we may be afraid that we could not handle certain changes in our life. The transition might prove to be difficult and it might involve us doing something so foreign to us that it could frighten us at the very thought.
When it came time for my pet to deliver her babies, I had to spend a lot of time comforting her and telling her she could do it. She wasn’t aware of what her body was going through. Nothing had really prepared her for that. Life is a lot like that isn’t it?
She finally delivered her first puppy and she was so startled that she unexpectedly jumped up and started barking at the newborn. She even tried to nip at it. She didn’t really know what to do with it. She ended up being a great, great mother to all her pups.
Once you make up your mind to move toward a new opportunity, you are going to have self-doubts. You may question whether or not you are even capable of doing it. Sometimes you may not even have encouragement and support around you. You may have to be your own internal cheerleader.
You can do it. You have done many other things in your life that you thought were impossible. You can do this as well. Give yourself some time and allow yourself to transition with the change. Even if you feel uncomfortable at first and do not fully know what to do with your opportunity, hold on to it because it belongs to you.
I hope you will have many wonderful opportunities come your way this year. Maybe I should actually be hoping that you are wise enough to recognize those opportunities. If you are not even aware of them, what good will they do you? Absolutely nothing.
So as you are going about your regular daily routines, always keep in mind that one of life’s little surprises may actually be one of your life’s greatest opportunities. How about letting me know if you experience this somehow this year. Share with me how you seized an opportunity and made it a part of your life. Until next time, have a great week everyone!

2009-12-30T20:26:00.002-05:00

Hi everyone. I hope you have been enjoying the Christmas holiday season. I have enjoyed my family so much this year. My boys helped me and a gullible neighbor lug a pool table up the side of our mountain in snow. I’m sure they will not forget this Christmas for a very long time.
Here we are just a couple days away from letting go of one year and embracing a new one. I wonder what 2010 has in store for each of us. Life has a way of giving us twists and turns that keep us on our toes. I hope this will be a wonderful year for each of you.
I have been thinking about all the wonderful friends I have met during this last year. It is always a pleasure to make a new acquaintance but absolutely wonderful when you can develop a true friendship. True friends do not come around every day.
This is a good time to take inventory of the people in our lives, especially our friends. Friends can play a huge role in choices we make in life so I would say it is very important to carefully choose your closest circle of friends.
My oldest son is maturing in his friend making skills and I admire that about him. What stands out to me is how he has given me some pretty good advice at times this last year when it comes to letting go of the not so healthy friendships.
He is more direct than I am but I can definitely learn a lot from him. I realize he actually has a soft side as well and he truly does care about other people’s feelings but you can always count on him to speak the truth or whatever is on his mind. I think in the long run it will serve him well throughout his life.
I realized not to long ago that it is one thing for me to tell him to choose his friends carefully and quite another thing to set an example for him. He is very observant and has let me know which friends of mine have been good for me and which ones I should have parted with a long time ago. Sometimes it is probably a good idea to get an opinion from an outsider.
I find myself taking inventory of each friendship I have and exploring which ones are actually the healthiest ones. I believe that I will focus more energy on those relationships this coming year and less time trying to fix the unhealthy ones.
It is one thing to be there for a friend when they need you but it is an entirely different thing when they constantly need you and drag you down with them. You know what they say. Misery loves company. I don’t know about you, but I do not want to spend a year in misery. They will have to find company for that outfit some other place.
Once you set your own mind to being the best you can be and you try to move forward in a positive way, you find yourself wanting to associate with others who are likeminded. I think friendships can act as a catalyst to either move us closer to our goals and life’s potential or they can handicap and hold us back.
As we get ready to celebrate our new calendar year, let’s be thankful for all the wonderful friends in our lives. Let’s commit to being open to new friendships. And let us dare to make good choices with the friends that we already have. Happy New Year everyone!

Stop Looking At Your Watch

2009-12-05T08:49:00.001-05:00

Do you ever feel overwhelmed with having to keep up with everything? Time marches on and sometimes I am positive that it marches to the beat of horses racing in the Kentucky Derby. Life does not slow down for any of us.
It is all too easy to become distracted and even quit pursuing things that you have been working so hard to accomplish. Those extra pounds you have been trying to lose or even those past due bills you have been trying to get caught up can somehow lose their priority when busyness and tiredness take over.
I have several friends and acquaintances who are trying to lose some excess weight. So far they have been sticking to their plans and staying motivated. I love hearing about their progress so I can celebrate even the smallest accomplishment with them.
You know as well as I do that it is all too easy to gain weight but that much harder to shed the unwanted pounds. I have heard obese people say that they have no idea how they became so large when in reality it happened one pound at a time.
They have almost forgotten what it was like to be a smaller size. It is overwhelming because now the scale reveals the truth. The extra pounds have added up and have increased while they have been busy with their normal lives.
While they spend time trying to wrap their minds around the why and the how of gaining weight, time marches on. Unless they decide within themselves that they want to remove that weight even if it takes a year to do so, they will probably remain miserable and unhappy.
One lady told me that she does not even feel like a woman worthy of love to be so large. Her obesity has defined her for so many years and has affected every other area of her life. This incredible weight loss that she is so hungry to accomplish is more than just losing numbers on the scale.
She is also experiencing an awakening within herself of what a better life might mean for herself and her family. She does not want anything to keep her from reaching her goals. She is determined to do it and with all the motivation and support she is getting from her close friends, I truly believe she will.
How easy is it to get behind on bills? All it takes is the loss of a job or a cut in pay and you can find yourself struggling in the sea of bills on your table. It can be overwhelming and easy to push them aside to go through some other time.
When you do that, time is marching on and you are going to get further behind. Past due accounts did not accumulate over night and you are probably not going to be able to get out of debt over night.
I have started from scratch before when it comes to finances. I have worked myself out of debt when it seemed impossible and a never ending process. I never seemed to have anything to show for all my hard work except one less creditor off my back here and there.
Don’t let them intimidate you and make you feel even worse about your situation when you find yourself in hard times. If you have some smaller bills that you could easily remove in a short amount of time, why not take care of those first. Even a little breathing room is better than none.
Try to take a deep breath and take an honest look at your finances. How much money do you have going out and how much do you have coming in? If you have more going out than in, your solution is simple.
You will either have to seriously cut back on what you spend so you can pay your bills or you will have to find a way to supplement or increase your income. Once you accept your reality you can begin to find ways to change it for the better.
Whatever has you overwhelmed these days, take a break from the busyness of life and put some thought into what is important to you. What is it that you want to see happen in your life? Time may be marching on, but you are going to have to let it march on by while you take the time to take care of yourself. Nobody else will do it for you.

2009-11-07T12:41:00.000-05:00

I was craving a cinnamon biscuit from BoJangle’s restaurant and some down time during a short break from work earlier this week so I enjoyed both at a local park. Adult skate boarders were also taking advantage of the gorgeous weather while they practiced their skills in the skate park.
A little old woman who was wearing a polyester dress suit and one-inch heels amused me as I pulled my car around to my favorite spot. She was pressed hard against the tall protective fence surrounding the skaters and their environment. She cupped her hands around her eyes as she took in all the activity.
You would have thought she had never seen a skate boarder before. She seemed quite amazed, as the guys impressed her with their tricks and tumbles and even their camaraderie. She giggled with delight like a young schoolgirl.
I wonder what exactly was so entertaining for this lady. I went on and enjoyed my biscuit but as I was eating, I thought about taking chances in life. Why are so many of us afraid to step out of our comfort zone and try something new?
Many single people confide in me that they are simply not willing to take a chance on love again. What does that mean? What are they afraid of? I think it means they do not want to take a risk. It seems a safer bet not to get involved with anyone, even though that might result in them being depressed and lonely about their situation.
The thing with taking chances regardless of what it involves is that it there truly is an element of risk involved. It means that you move forward with something without knowing how the outcome will be.
When it comes to relationships, it is very unhealthy to just jump into any and every relationship without learning something from your experiences and even your mistakes. If you do not, you will probably keep on getting the same results.
All too often people are afraid to be alone. They feel they will be more complete if only someone were in their life. That, my friend, is an untruth. You may be happier having someone around, but it is not a good thing to depend on someone else to make you happy.
It is a great feeling when you have taken some time to live by yourself and to become a much stronger person on the inside. When the time does come to be with another person and you are both at a similar place in life, it will be a beautiful thing. It will be a risk worth taking.
When it was time for me to leave the park and return to work, I pulled my car back around to the skateboard area. The little old woman had since moved inside the skating arena. She was standing at the top rim taking pictures of everyone.
I watched her direct one of the skaters to stop what he was doing so she could snap another picture. She was just having herself a good time. Maybe today we should stop looking at life from outside the fence. Maybe it is a good day to take a chance and get a little closer to the things we really want in life.

Por favor, no mas comida!

2009-10-28T23:09:00.002-04:00

I have always been curious and fascinated with the human psyche and how we communicate and connect with one another. I remember sitting beside my dad on a bench in the busy mall many a time while we waited for mom to finish shopping in some random store.
Long before he reached his impatient threshold of waiting he would sit there and snack on a bag cashews and watch people passing us by in the mall. Dad was involved with radio broadcasting as a profession at that time.
I thought he knew everything about communicating so I hung on every word he said when he started talking about people in general. We never really talked much while sitting on those mall benches but I observed the way he took in his environment.
Now if some other weary shopper were to sit down on a bench near us, you could always predict on something happening. Dad would end up talking to these strangers and before you knew it, mom was the one finished with shopping and waiting on dad to stop talking.
He was such a great communicator. I always loved hanging out at his radio station. He had the best radio voice and he could get people motivated to do anything without them ever seeing his face. Sometimes when he filled in for one of his announcers on the midnight shift I would beg to go with him.
I fell asleep on a green leather couch many a night listening to the drone of various radio programs in the studio while my father would be changing reel to reels and cueing up record albums. That was back in the day, wasn’t it?
Now broadcasters simply click a mouse button and the airwaves flood with their broadcast.
Just about anyone can record themselves. Look at YouTube and all the many Internet portals that allow us to share our worlds with each other. It’s quite amazing to me when I think about it.
A couple of weeks ago I was working at my weekend part-time job pulling my tour of duty. Well, I would call it a tour of duty but it really doesn’t feel like work. I enjoy helping out at the small local hotel. We have about forty nine rooms in that facility.
People always comment when they arrive about guests hanging around the front desk and the lobby area to talk to Rebekah. I love it. I love chatting with people and I realized early on in life that all it takes to get people to talk is a good question or two.
My problem is I cannot shut them up once they start. I haven’t quite mastered that one yet, but it’s all good. I recognize that people like to talk to me for some reason and I just accept that and try to make it a good conversation as I learn about their world.
By the time guests are ready to check out, they have made a new friend. Some guests stick out more than others in my memory, but I could probably remember most everyone I ever had a conversation with. I got that from sitting beside my dad on the mall benches. People’s faces are always etched in my mind.
It was a normal busy Sunday morning when I arrived at work at seven AM that weekend. Guests were slowly but surely waking up, getting their coffee and stopping by for chit chat.
One of our Sunday housekeepers walked in with some goodies for me.
I tell you she is Hispanic simply for the fact that it is always hard for me to communicate with her. Columba has been eager from day one to get to know me for some reason. Out of all the workers, she speaks the less English and does not understand much of what I am saying.
I could tell her to take the day off and she would simply smile and laugh and nod at me. She was clueless. Somehow I have found a way to communicate to her. I told another Hispanic worker to teach me some Spanish and I would teach him some English in return.
At this point though I speak a terrible broken Spanglish. I helped Columba figure out a problem with her paycheck one week and ever since then she always fixes me a plate of organic Mexican food. I have to be honest; I only ate one of her dishes the first time she brought one to me.
I just have a thing about cleanliness and mixing housekeeping and preparing food doesn’t sit right in my brain. It is nothing against her or her food or her culture. I just cannot eat it but every Sunday it has become a tradition with her. She nods and smiles and points to me so I will know the food is mine.
She has brought me presents of earrings and jewelry. Now that is something I can accept. I love those kinds of presents from her, but just not the food. I found her in tears in the laundry room that particular Sunday and naturally I just gave her a hug.
She was going to have to clean our entire building by herself. No one else had showed up. Her boyfriend was also supposed to help but they ended an argument with him refusing to come to work.
Somehow I communicated to her to go ahead and get started and that I would come help her after I finished checking everyone out. It has been a long time since I worked in housekeeping at a hotel but I figured how hard could it be.
I called in the manager to run the front desk and I took off to make Columba’s beds. That is one of the fastest housekeepers I’ve ever met. She does a great job cleaning and I was panting trying to keep up. It was a terrible idea to wear high heels that day.
Columba and I shared laughs as we tried to communicate and somehow we two females connected. She stopped by the desk just this last week asking if I wanted her to pay me part of her check for helping her. Of course, that idea was ridiculous and shot down so I guess I’m stuck with getting more plates of food that I do not have the heart to refuse.
I am truly thankful for the gift to communicate with people. Now I understand that it is not always about speaking the same language or using a lot of words. It is about acknowledging your differences and finding ways that you can relate and interact. It is about showing empathy even if it is a handshake, a pat on the back or a simple hug.
I hope these articles I write will stick with you along the way and perhaps light a flicker of something in your mind or heart that can make a difference in your world. Just do me one little favor. Just do not send me food as a way of saying thanks. Well, if it’s chocolate that will be fine.

Change Is In The Air

2009-10-21T17:19:00.002-04:00

You never know where life will take you. Just ask Catherine, a nurse that works at a local OB/GYN office. I was at this particular practice not to long ago finishing up my work when I met Catherine in their break room.
Catherine is a transplant to our area here in the mountains. She grew up and lived most of her adult life in New Jersey. If you had asked her some ten years ago about moving to North Carolina and immersing herself in Southern culture she would have laughed at the very thought.
She did not live in the big city but she was close to everything she liked and wanted. Life had a faster pace in her world back then and she loved it. She had a close circle of family and friends as well. She was perfectly content to stay there her entire life since that was all she had known.
That all changed one day when she received a phone call. Her daughter was pregnant and had already moved down here. She suddenly and unexpectedly lost her baby late term. The grief was almost too much for Catherine’s daughter to deal with at that time and she simply asked that her mom come down to be with her.
There is just something about having a mother nearby during difficult times, but life may take you down a road at some point in your life where mom is not close enough for a hug. Those times can be very hard. I say that from personal experience.
It did not take Catherine long to hang up the phone and start packing her bags. She did not give it much thought other than she needed to be near her baby girl. That was some years ago and look at her now.
She lives out in the country and manages a type of a farm. Every morning she pets and feeds a cow. There are chickens scattering around. Life definitely brought an unusual twist to Catherine’s life. Ask her if she regrets moving down here and you might be surprised at her answer.
I asked her that very same question because I was curious just like you. She paused and then started laughing before she gave me her response. Catherine wishes she had moved away from Jersey long before she came to help her daughter.
She never really took the time to look outside the four corners of her little world way up north. There was never a good reason to move away from there. It was easier and more comfortable to just live her life the way she had grown accustomed to.
My mother always quoted a familiar phrase when I was growing up. She reminded her kids that you should never say never. You just might end up doing that very same thing. Change can sometimes be hard, especially when we are usually pretty stubborn and basically afraid of the unknowns in life.
Change can be good though. It can serve as a catalyst to turn your life around into a whole new exciting direction. Catherine once had days upon days of rain. Snow? She had lots of that, too. She laughs at us Carolinians when we get a few inches of snow. Everything shuts down and TV stations talk snow for days.
She understands however, that we do have these winding mountain roads around here. Back roads get icy and us mountain folk know when to stay put and enjoy a day off from work. Well, at least that’s what we tell ourselves when we run to the stores for bread and milk.
I’m not sure why we feel comforted with having bread and milk around during a snow storm but we all know those are the first items to disappear from the store shelves. Catherine still has a lot of her northern accent even though it now has a hint of Southern spice in there. I could tell by her sense of humor that she has made the most of this unexpected transition in her life.
Life can take us many places we never planned to go. If we can keep an open mind, make smart choices and never lose that spirit of optimism and hope, we can enjoy one incredible life while here on this earth.
There will always be new people to meet, new friends to enjoy and new experiences to shake up our ordinary world. I feel a change coming about in my own life. I don’t know how it will take place, but I can sense it as sure as I am breathing.
Am I ready for the change? I can feel my heart beat quickening at the thought. I also sense a little bit of trepidation even though I am rarely rattled by life’s little surprises. I usually just go with the flow, but I still remind myself about meeting Catherine and I realize that a whole new world is possibly waiting for me just around the next bend.
Just like a sky diver jumping from a plane for his next thrill, I find myself anxiously waiting for what life has in store for me. I hope it’s good. Where will I end up? Who knows, but I’m sure I will always be meeting interesting people like Catherine who will help provide inspiration to write articles for you to read.

Busier Than Ever But Happy As Can Be

2009-09-30T18:10:00.000-04:00

Every single day more and more people are asking me the same question. How in the world do you do everything that you do? I never stopped to think how my crazy schedule looks to other people even though I did not become as driven as I am over night.
It was a gradual process but one I have become so accustomed to that if I had a lot of time to kill I would probably not know what to do with it all. My body has become conditioned like a well oiled machine. Mentally I am strong and always alert it seems.
How long I can maintain that status is yet to be seen. It is hard for people to grasp that I do not work five days a week like most normal human beings. I work seven. I rest here and there in between when I get a chance. I am employed by two different companies in two very different professions.
Believe it or not, I actually spend way more time with my two sons than most parents who work a regular five day a week job. I guess I have had to learn how to manage time and pace myself so that the kids get equal time with mom.
I have not always had such a rigid work load, nor do I plan on doing this crazy regime forever.
Most of you readers know by now that I am a single mother. Now that my boys are getting in their teenage years, I feel compelled to work as much as I can while I can.
I have been blessed with a job during the week that allows me to have some flexibility. My work day often ends early which is nice so I get to be with them a lot. I have to basically run a marathon each and every day in what I do to finish early, but it is definitely worth it to be with my family.
There’s really not a secret formula for successfully juggling everything that I do. Yes, I work a lot to provide for my family. I write music professionally on the side and I submit articles each week for this newspaper.
Family and friends are always in line to have their share of attention. I try my best to spend time with them in the midst of everything else simply because they are important to me. Just yesterday I worked an eight hour shift at my weekend job while the boys were with their father for the weekend.
As soon as I clocked out I raced across town to eat dinner with my best friend, and then it was off to pick up the boys. Was I tired at the end of the day? You bet I was, but I really do not know any other way to be now at this stage of my life.
I always remind curious people that I have the same amount of time in my days that they do. It is all about time management. I am fully aware that I could not do this today if I had not taken some time to establish structure and good habits with my family at home.
When I first became a single parent there was a lot of chaos in our home. It took a long time and a lot of consistency working with the boys to get us where we are today. I am so glad I had a job back then that allowed me to do that.
I basically had to make a choice whether or not to try and keep up with everyone else or to simply do what was best for my family at that time. I put my career on hold and devoted time to the boys.
I saw little or no benefit to work myself to death back then while the boys were struggling to deal with their own issues. I think sometimes we have our priorities turned around. We think that if we just make a certain amount of money everything else will fall into place.
Money cannot buy everything and it cannot always fix what is broken. If your marriage is in shambles it really doesn’t matter how fat your salary is. Time and energy and patience and passion are what it takes to turn family issues around.
The way I raise my family may not be what works for you, but it is an idea for you to consider. It is not always easy taking a hard look at the reality of our lives. When it comes to a family, you have not one, but numerous individuals with unique personalities involved.
Things can get complicated which means it is not very likely that a huge family issue will get resolved over night. So it is either deal with it now, or put it off and risk having your children despise you and their siblings when they are grown.
They should not be left to deal with the issues by themselves. Often times though, their lives get just as busy as yours. They end up working a lot and passing the issues on to yet another generation.
I am so glad I waited until now to work as hard as I do. My home is a peaceful fun place to be. The boys love being here with me and I love being with them. It was worth taking the time to establish love and respect and peace into our family structure.
How do I juggle everything I do? I guess if I were to answer that in a simple way it would be like this. Everything I do is driven by passion. I pray for wisdom every single day and I take chances. I try my best not to live my life in fear or depend on anyone else to make me happy.
I choose to be the best mom I can be to these boys and I choose to be happy. Failure is not an option for me and I refuse to measure my success by another man’s measure stick. I recognize that perfection is not always possible and to make it in this life you have to roll with the punches and be flexible.
Take the good with the bad, and last but not least, I will live my life with little or no regrets and with all the passion that is inside of me. That is probably the greatest gift and living example I can leave for my children.
At the end of every day, I do not let myself get sad for having to juggle a lot in my life right now. It is simply a means to an end. When my time comes to leave this world I want other people to be able to say that I made a difference in their life and this world is a better place.

Girlfriends Can Make Life A Little Easier

2009-09-24T19:53:00.000-04:00

I was caught off guard as I walked into my office space and found a young office worker hunched over a table with her face down and crying. She was experiencing some boyfriend issues and they were on the verge of breaking up. I stayed out of the situation, but another lady was right beside her comforting her and just listening about everything.
Women have this incredible and innate ability to connect and share and be there for each other. I watched a documentary one time and it compared a group of men who had never met before and a group of women who were also strangers to each other.
They were given a certain amount of time and as could be expected, the men typically nodded at each other and acknowledged each other’s presence but basically kept to themselves. The women however were talking and chatting by the end of the test session. They were new friends.
They had probably exchanged e-mail addresses, added each other to their face book accounts and wiped out a several boxes of Kleenex when someone shared a sad story. That’s the way us women are wired.
That’s not to say that men do not connect on a deeper level because they can and they do, but women tend to be the more nurturing at a moment’s notice. Girls often look out for each other even if they may have been enemies in the past. We don’t forget, but we will at least give someone a hug.
Boys learn at an early age to avoid girls when we get all emotional and stuff like that. That’s part of who we are though. Life is a whole lot easier if you have several close friends that are girls. I’m speaking primarily to other women right now but this can apply to anyone.
I think it is safe to say a man’s world can be more colorful with a woman around. When it comes to us girls, we are very capable of multi-tasking so much to the point that we can often neglect our close circle of friends.
I remember those early childhood days of my two sons. You can get so busy with being mom, that the rest of the world is moving on and you are clueless to the shift around you. You need to take a break sometimes.
Schedule a date with your girlfriend even if it’s just for lunch or hanging out and spending time together. It’s amazing how such a simple gift to yourself can be a huge gift to your husband and your family.
You come back with more things to talk about rather than simply discussing who will change the next diaper or take the kids to soccer practice. It is a great honor and privilege to be a mom, but don’t let yourself get worn down to nothing.
Take advantage of the benefits that spending time with your friends can bring you. It will lighten up your mood. You will not be so grumpy. You can look at your own life with a fresh perspective. You can even gain more energy for the life you already live.
Set your mind on nurturing at least one of your close relationships this week. Pick up the phone and call them if nothing else. Get out of the house. Take a break and then come back and do all those wonderful things you do to make your family love you.

2009-09-15T08:39:00.002-04:00

William Justin Jenkins "Justin"

Reported missing from Reidsville, NC August 10 at 11:02 AM

Might be headed to Franklin, TN

Call 336-634-3238

MISSING PERSON ALERT...PLEASE HELP FIND MY FRIEND

2009-09-15T08:33:00.002-04:00

I had to look twice at the handout I had been given with the word MISSING written in big bold letters at the bottom of the paper. I almost did not recognize the man in the picture, but sure enough, it was a guy that I went to school with back in elementary grades. He was a year younger than me.
He was one of the sharpest kids in our class. He had the best sense of humor and kept us all entertained whenever things got too serious. It saddened me to realize that Justin has been living a somewhat difficult life.
He is one of those people that cross your mind from time to time and you wonder where they are now. I grew up in the small hometown of Reidsville, NC which is about 3 1/2-4 hours from here on the other side of Winston-Salem.
It must be hard on Justin’s dad trying to locate his son. Justin is a grown man but according to the Rockingham County Sheriff’s Office, Justin has been diagnosed with some mental problems. He also gets confused when he fails to take his medication as prescribed so his dad reports.
I found out about this after my parents had been visiting Reidsville with some our family members and they ran into Justin’s father. He gave them a flier and they gave one to me. So I am in turn passing the information on to you, because they believe he was headed our way.
Please keep an eye out for him and if you have any information, by all means please contact the authorities. Justin’s father is terribly worried about his son and wants him to return home safe and sound.
Here is the official information on the situation. The N.C. Center for Missing Persons has issued a Silver Alert for a missing endangered man, William Justin Jenkins. Citizens are asked to be on the lookout for William Justin Jenkins, who is believed to be suffering from dementia or some other cognitive impairment.

Anyone with information about William Justin Jenkins should call Detective Kevin Suthard at the Rockingham County Sheriff's Office at 4-336-633030.

Gender: Male DOB: 9/27/1973 Age: 35 Race: White Height: 5’9”
Weight: 180 pounds Hair Color: Brown Eye Color: Blue

Clothing description: Mr. William Jenkins was last seen wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt, and white tennis shoes.

Location of incident: Mr. Jenkins was last seen at the L&S Store in Reidsville, NC.

Possible destination: Mr. Jenkins may be traveling west toward Franklin, TN.

Vehicle description and make: Toyota model Year:1983 Color: Blue
License plate number: YVZ5118

A Simple Act of Kindness

2009-09-08T08:19:00.002-04:00

I was talking with a friend of mine a couple of weeks ago and his story reminded me that a simple act of kindness can go a long way in making a difference in someone else’s life. Every where you turn you can hear conversations about how bad the economy is. The reality of it all is that in spite of good times or bad, there will always be children to take care and to feed.
They probably feel the sting of hard times more than us adults. I’ve always said that if you have family and faith you can weather any turbulent storm that life throws your way. My friend’s story was affirmation that sometimes it takes a neighbor or even a complete stranger to bring hope to a helpless child.
My friend was going back to his truck with his work buddies during their lunch break. He saw a young lady walking down the road with her little girl and into the parking lot of the fast food restaurant.
Apparently what he overheard the mother say to the daughter bothered him so terribly that he could not enjoy a bite of his burger until he did something to make their situation better. The mother was walking to the restaurant from their home which was just down the road.
She was coming to apply for a job. The little girl was asking for something to eat and the mother reminded her that was not why they came there. They did not have enough money for her to eat. My friend got out of his vehicle and found them inside.
The mother was seated at a table filling out the application while the little girl waited watching everyone else eat. He walked over to them and said he did not mean to bother them. He was just wondering if he could buy them some lunch.
He explained that he could not help but overhear their conversation when they were walking in the parking lot, and he just wanted to treat them with lunch. Even though the mother at first refused his generosity, she eventually caved and let him at least buy the little girl something to eat.
She admitted that times were tough and they did not have much money. She was there trying to find a job. The little girl had not yet eaten that day. So she was very grateful.
When he got up to the counter to pay for the little girl’s food, he realized he could actually pay with any of the cards in his wallet and he wouldn’t miss one cent of it. He chose however to pull out the money that he had in his pocket.
As he was counting out the last bit of change, he realized it was exactly the amount he needed and not a penny more. It made him feel good that he could make a difference in someone else’s life that day. What he may or may not realize is that there is a ripple effect when someone is kind to others like that.
I’m sure that event will stay with that young girl and mother for a very long time. When they have an opportunity to help someone, I have a feeling they will be reminded of his generosity and how he unselfishly gave what he had to help them.
Sometimes we can be the ones being helped, which is not always the easiest place to be in life. It can be very humbling. Other times we can be the ones that dish out the generosity to other people, which can also be humbling.
We get so caught up in our own little worlds, our own families and our own friends. It is all too easy to overlook someone who might be struggling and needing a simple gesture of kindness. Everyday, however there are opportunities all around us.
It is not always about shelling out money for something. It might simply involve you somehow and it might mean a few minutes of your day are shifted. When you are open minded to those little moments, not only will you touch the life of other people and make their life a little better, you will also be blessed on the inside for what you do.
I passed a billboard sign the other day and it said this. You are not wealthy until you possess what money cannot buy. I asked my sons what things in life they could not buy. The first thing they said was love. Right behind that we all agreed that inner peace must surely be at the top of the list.
I hope this week as you hustle through each busy day you will stop and give away some of that kindness that is there inside of you. You will not have to look far for a chosen recipient. You will not have to wait long at all for a little bit of peace and happiness of your own as you realize you did make a difference in someone else’s life.

2009-09-07T18:48:00.001-04:00

Rebekah J Fishel

Create Your Badge

Quick And Easy Quesadillas

2009-09-01T08:07:00.002-04:00

It is always fun to experiment with new recipes in my kitchen. If you have children of your own, especially teenagers, you will no doubt open your pantry and wonder how quickly the food disappears. Here’s a great snack or lunch treat you can quickly mix up to serve your hungry kids.
This is a recipe I whipped together while trying to serve something delicious but quick. You can alter it to your liking by adding less or more of the Queso sauce. I usually start off by heating a couple of large flour tortillas individually in a large skillet with light oil. Heat both sides evenly on medium heat, then with the first tortilla on a plate, add a thin layer of the mixture in the recipe and top with shredded cheese of your choice.
Next I will place the second tortilla on top and lightly press down so the cheese will melt and hold the quesadilla together. Cut into four large triangles and serve. I have also tried these in the microwave when the boys simply could not wait any longer for their snack. They are still yummy, but I like the texture better when you heat the tortillas one by one in the skillet.

Here is the recipe for the mixture:
1-2 large cans of chicken
½ cup-1 cup of Salsa Con Queso (I like using the Tostitos brand)
Stir until blended. Lightly dice the large chicken pieces while mixing so the mixture can lay flat in the quesadilla.
That’s basically it. Very simple, isn’t it? I hope your teenagers will enjoy these as much as my boys have. Here lately they have made sure we stay stocked with all the ingredients and the tortillas. Hope your family will enjoy these quick and easy quesadillas.
If you have a tasty recipe that is quick and easy for families to make, how about e-mailing me with your recipe. Maybe our readers would like to sample your idea as well. You can send your recipes to contact@rebekahjanell.com. Have a great week everyone.

Read This Bumper Sticker

2009-08-25T02:37:00.001-04:00

I absolutely hate bumper stickers. I hate them. You will never see one on the back of my vehicle unless one of two things happen. A miracle would have to occur or I would have to be so passionate about something in order for me to paste my devotion on the bumper just like a tattoo.
Until then, I will continue to enjoy riding in my car and reading everyone else’s bumper stickers. I don’t care if you have one. I just don’t want one on my car. I was sitting at a red light today behind a vehicle sporting one.
This particular driver must have some pretty incredible children because they claim they are the proud parents of a super kid. Not just a regular kid, but a super kid. That’s all well and good, I guess. I mean, after all it is a positive statement.
It means nothing though if the rest of the traveling world reads that fact on a bumper sticker and the kids have no clue whether mom or dad actually believes that. I was so proud of my own two boys over the weekend. I already told them I was proud of them, but I wanted to share a little part of our evening with you as well.
Sunday night was our night to go out to eat together. I was still tired from work but I forced myself to get ready and go. They picked the restaurant and we ended up eating at Cheddar’s in Asheville. Very nice choice, boys. How did you know that was one of mom’s favorites?
It was just the three of us and as usual we had a lot of fun. Victoria was our waitress and she sure did enjoy talking with Alex and Eric. Not only did she give us great service, but she came back time and time again to chit chat. I thought it quite humorous that she thought there was a Mr. Fishel joining us for dinner.
When she asked if some man passing by in the restaurant was my husband, I laughingly teased her. I told her it was just the three of us eating dinner but if the man was cute she could send him back to our table. The boys laughed and rolled their eyes.
It was great to be with my family at a great restaurant and having a good time. What a perfect way to start our new week. We stayed quite a while and took our time enjoying the evening and each other’s company.
Victoria seemed to enjoy the company as well and eventually sat down and joined in the conversation. She told us all about her family and grand kids. Little did I know I would soon leave there with some new recipes from a true Southern cook. Thank you, Victoria for those.
It made me smile with pride as I watched my two sons carry a vibrant, intelligent conversation with this lady. Just behind my oldest son’s shoulders and directly in my line of vision was a toddler who was intently trying to get my attention and show me the food he had in his mouth.
I tried hard not to laugh because I was thinking about the how different it is in the world of my two sons who are experiencing puberty. That is another story in the making right there, but it seems like yesterday they were the ones entertaining or annoying every one else in the restaurant.
Now here we are some 12 years later having a wonderful, casual stress-free dinner. The waitress sat down and joined the party like she did not want us to leave. She didn’t bring us the check after our second bite because the kids were being too loud.
Maybe she was working on that tip, which she well earned that night, but I like to think she actually enjoyed herself as much as we enjoyed getting to know her. The boys made sure I knew her name so we can ask for her section next time we eat there.
We slowly ambled out of the restaurant. It was nice to see my youngest son, Eric, hold the door open for mom and all the other happy diners leaving and entering the building. The boys seemed happy to have enjoyed a good meal and lots of laughter as they spent time with their mom.
I sure did enjoy every second of it myself. I kind of hated for the evening to end. The ride home was marked with more conversation and occasional moments of peaceful quiet. What did I do to deserve such wonderful kids?
When we arrived back home at the ranch, I was even more tired than when we first left but I was also glad that I gave it some effort to spend time with my boys. I have an incredible, colorful life because of them and they really are two super kids.

A Risk Worth Taking

2009-08-11T08:02:00.001-04:00

Just the other day I was talking to a young medical doctor. This guy is somewhat of an entrepreneur as well. I asked him what new business project he was working on because I found him looking out over an empty lot that is being graded for a new building. It is actually an addition to his medical office. Most physicians usually end up working for a network of doctors under the umbrella of a hospital or with a practice already established. I find it interesting that the doctor I was talking to has somehow combined his business sense and expertise into his medical field. He didn't start out owning various physicians offices when he first finished med school. He was simply a family physician, but he had to start somewhere. He purposefully mapped out an idea of where he wanted to be in a few years. He saw the potential on many levels to venture into owning a second practice. Sure it would involve some extra time on his end for a while. He had to find the funding. He had to look into location. Would it even be profitable and worth the time and effort? He had to take a risk. Most anything in life is a risk when you take a chance on something that will not permit you to predict the final outcome. His risk was just a little bit more involved than what the average Joe would have to deal with. When you start talking large amounts of money coming from outside investors, you kind of double your risk because it is not just your money involved. It is someone else's hard earned money. They are taking a risk on you and you have to somehow pay them back. I was surprised to learn that this doctor I was talking to not only owned the office I was in, but quite a few of the other ones I frequent with my job. One is an orthopedic facility, and of course at least one of them is a family practice. Needless to say this doctor has been patted on the back for his successes. There also comes a bit of scrutiny and gossip amongst other doctors who have not ventured into such big endeavors. Other doctors play it safe and maintain the normal life they have. This other doctor, however likes to tackle business projects. He has provided well for his family, but I did not get a sense that it was all about money to this guy. He has provided a lot of jobs in the community. He also seemed passionate about providing better health care around here. I would not argue with that. We do need better care for patients. What I found interesting though is that this doctor was almost apologetic about his successes and his latest project of adding on to his main office. I wonder if it had anything to do with our current economy. Maybe he feels like he has to explain himself to everyone. He shouldn't. He wasn't being boastful about his accomplishments or how much money he has made. If you work hard and make some goals and are blessed with the skills to help make things happen, you should not have to apologize for that. It is one thing to be thankful and appreciative of what you have been blessed with. It is another thing to undermine the power of sharing what made you successful. Everyone has a story to tell. It inspires me to hear other people's stories. This doctor made me stop and think about my own life, my own endeavors. I clearly remember making out a rough plan for my family back in 2002 when I became a single parent. I made long range goals and short range goals. I didn't let anything or anyone deter me from reaching those goals and here I am today sitting at a dining room table in the quiet of my new home. Since 2002 I have worked my way out of personal debt, I re-established very good credit, I purchased a new car and from there put the family into our home. You should see the view and the sunsets from here. I feel a sense of accomplishment similar to what that doctor felt when he was relaying to me his story. I did not get to this point by accident, and I did not accomplish everything overnight. The doctor did not acquire so many businesses and be a successful giant in our community overnight either. It took a lot of hard work, dedication and a vision for the future. I tell you all of this because I want you to realize that you can actually accomplish more in your life that you give yourself credit for. You can have a better life for yourself and your family if you give yourself half a chance. There is a lot of potential in you. I truly believe we go through life without tapping into the resources within ourselves and we waste so many golden opportunities. Why would you not want to be successful? Success is not always measured in big dollar amounts and does not always involve building a new doctor's office. You can have success in your marriage and personal relationships without seeing tons of money in your bank account. You can have personal success even though it never gets printed in a local newspaper. It should be reward enough to you that you have improved your own life. You have made things better for yourself and your family. Part of that comes from having an open mind to something different. It involves change. It comes from daring to look at your present situation and asking yourself what you could do to make it better. Change is never easy. It represents a transition, a new direction. When you do get a vision of the future and what you will be willing to do to get there, it can be difficult for other people to understand what you are doing. You must believe in yourself and have faith. A better life is there. Peace and happiness are meant for all of us to have. It is not about how much money you make or have in your account. You can accomplish anything you want if you make up your mind that is what you want. Don't let anyone discourage you from your goals and dreams. It is one thing to listen to words of advice, but when it is all said and done, you have to make your own personal choices. What would you like to be different in your life right now? What is it you want more than anything? Is it even remotely possible to have that? What do you need to do to change the direction of your life so that dream can become a reality?

Make A Plan and Take Your Time

2009-08-03T13:52:00.002-04:00

I was needing to clear my mind this morning so I found some solitude at a local park. Parks are great places to do that. I found myself people watching and one particular man stood out as he was hobbling around the large paved walking path. He was wearing shorts and a very big, black knee brace. It was almost painful to watch him slowly limp because he looked as if it was all he could do to put any weight on that leg. As he neared a picnic table, I just knew he was going to plop down on the bench to rest. The expression on his face made one think it was all he could do to even walk towards the table. He surprised me and didn't stop. This was a very fit man, probably in his early fifties. Even though everyone kept passing him and zooming on around the track, he kept a slow but steady gait. It may have been painful, but he did not let that phase
him at all. It would appear that it would be more painful to him if he just sat down and stopped walking. He did not even pay attention to the other people walking on around him. That is very similar to a person who has found themselves in difficult times, especially if they are trying to change their circumstance. Life keeps moving along at a fast pace. People have jobs to do. Everyone keeps functioning in their own personal worlds while another person's world is crumbling down. All it takes is an unexpected death in the family, a job loss, any kind of personal injury, a divorce or even a lonely heart and all of a sudden, you can find yourself struggling to keep up. Life doesn't slow down for inner turmoil or personal setbacks. What can you do? How can you cope? How can you overcome these things and move on in a positive way? I had some speaking engagements at a local women's shelter last year and as you might expect, there were some very unhappy women in that group. They had found themselves at the end of their rope. They wanted to make a change in their life and their personal relationships. People outside those four walls had no idea how hard it was for these ladies to seek out help. Even some of their own family and friends had no idea how difficult their life had become. We discussed personal choices and how to take steps towards a better life. I would stay after the lecture to talk with some of these ladies one on one so I got to know their situations to a degree. It has been months since I spoke there, and several times I have since crossed paths with several of those ladies. They didn't recognize me and I didn't feel compelled to say anything but I was amazed at the transformation. Their countenance was brighter. They had taken better care of themselves and they had this look of confidence about them. I was happy and excited for them that they had realized a very important fact. Their situation did not define them. How they dealt with that situation and how they chose to rise above it is truly what defined them. While other people, especially family and friends, may have turned their backs on them, they made out a plan for their family and persevered. They overcame the obstacles that were in their way to a more peaceful life. You may be going through a personal situation that other people do not understand. It's unfortunate that people cast stones of judgment on their own neighbors and loved ones. Sometimes it's the very stones that were cast at them when they were down and out.
You cannot let that deter your courage and determination to overcome your difficulty. Think about where you are at in life and ask yourself where you would like to be in five years. Maybe you haven't thought about that because it is all you can do to live for today right now. I agree that we should live in the moment each and every day, but sometimes we have to stop and look ahead so we can live a happy and peaceful life today. Make a rough plan of what you need to do to reach your goals. If you do not know what to do, find someone who can help you. Surround yourself with supportive people and take a break from those that discourage you. Seek out the help you need to reach your goals. Even the best business gurus did not grow their businesses in one day or even by themselves. They discovered people who could help them build the business they envisioned in their minds. You just need to be a visionary for yourself and your family. Don't be afraid to network with other people. Sometimes we have to ask for help.
If you have lost your job, maybe going back to school for a while is a new direction you need to take. Maybe it is time for a different job altogether. Maybe it is time you removed yourself from a toxic relationship or maybe it's time you got help to deal with your situation. If you are having trouble with your children's behaviour, start tackling the real root of the matter. You may not find out in one day what is causing them to act out or what you as a parent can do to help them, but if you focus your energy on changing the situation for the better, it will in time get better.
Just remember that you are not on the same life plan as every one else. So don't feel you have to keep up or have it all together all of the time. We all have our moments and events in life that change us. Everyone has their own struggles in life that they have to deal with.
Focus on what it is that you want and pace yourself as you move forward towards that goal. Don't worry about other people's expectations. They can give unfair timetables when they think you should have it all together. It is not their life though. It is yours, so take ownership of it. When you start reaching those goals you set out for yourself, you are going to feel the wind at your back pushing you on from one accomplishment to another. May that man in the park today be an inspiration for all of us.

40 Little Things That Can Make A Difference

2009-07-15T09:13:00.001-04:00

Have you ever read one of those little books called Life's Instruction Book or some other simple title like that? I was thinking over some of the things I have tried to consistentlypractice in my own life that have truly made a difference. Some of these things have not always been easy to do. I've often had to learn the hard way. One by one, when I have allowed theseideas and thoughts to become a reality for me, I have truly been happy and at peace. I've tried to instill these thoughts in my sons as well because when you actually do these things, they somehowmake life a little more sweeter and more peaceful. That's the kind of life I wish for myself and my children. So I'm sharing these ideas with you in hope that you might grab a hold of a thought or two. Maybe we need to remind ourselves from time to time that life is not just about us. How can we make a difference in our own lives, in the lives of our families and our communities? How can we make the world a better place for the next generation?

1. Go for a walk and enjoy the great outdoors.
2. When a baby smiles at you, smile back.
3. Call your best friend just because.
4. Don't put off tomorrow what you can do today.
5.Be open to meeting new friends.
6. Dance.
7. Don't be afraid to cry sometimes.
8. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
9. Be brave.
10. Give love a chance.
11. Pray for wisdom every day and believe.
12. When true love finds you, don't be afraid to embrace it.
13. Give flowers while someone is alive.
14. Be kind to animals.
15. Be kind to your friends.
16. Be kind to your loved ones.
17. But be true to yourself.
18. Be honest.
19. Be loyal.
20. Keep secrets.
21. Be a good friend.
22. Try to see the good in others.
23. Be wise in choosing close friends.
24. Above all else, let love guide you.
25. Remember that change is never easy, but you can get through anything if you have faith and believe.
26. Choose happiness.
27. Choose peace.
28. Always be thankful for our veterans.
29. And be thankful for our freedom.
30. Enjoy each moment as if it would be your last.
31. Never be too stuborn to say I love you.32. Never be too proud to say I need you.
33. Find the strength to say I forgive you.
34. Look a man straight in the eyes.
35. Say what you mean to say but say it with love.
36. Let destiny and fate have their way.
37. And never ever for one tiny moment stop believing.
38. Always persevere when you feel like quitting.
39. Always keep your word.
40. Smile!

Dare To Dream

2009-06-30T10:48:00.001-04:00

I'm going to be a professional tennis player one day and I'm going to be a champion. I leaned over the business counter at work to put a face with the little voice begging for my attention.Looking back up at me with a snaggle-tooth grin was a thin young boy. He had the prettiest tanned skin and a mop of dark hair on his head. He couldn't have been more than7 years old and he was a picture of perfect health. I told him, I will probably see you on TV one day so can I get your autograph? He kicked the base of the counter with his foot as he tried to climb up and see me face to face. He informed me that he was not going to play tennis in the rain or on Sundays, but he knew one thing for sure. He was going to be a tennis champ. He had an audience that afternoon as everyone within hearing range was most intrigued by this confident little athlete. His mother laughed while I got to know this young man. She has probably heard the same conversation over and over again. He truly believes that he will grow up and play tennis for a living. Not only will he play it, but he will be successful and will make lots of money while living out his childhood dream. It wouldn't surprise me one bit to see his image holding up a Wimbledon trophy one day. Kids love to dream. They have this ability to believe most anything you tell them. If you were to mention that they could touch the sky if they simply jumped up and down ten times, they would probably start jumping. They might even keep on jumping when they didn't reach the sky on the tenth jump. We are experiencing economic hard times at every turn, but I hope children will not think their dreams are out of reach. Dreams can take us beyond our circumstances, beyond our fears and above even the highest hopes we could ever have. I clearly remember playing pretend as a child and dreaming that I was a nurse or an office manager. I was also a radio DJ, a singer and entertainer and a teacher. I always loved playing mom to my baby dolls. Long before I ever had my first job at the age of 15, I had probably already imagined myself waiting on customers at a local restaurant. So when I actually started working, it felt very familiar to me.I would dream of working with people and interacting with them. How interesting is it that now some thirty years later I work in the medical field during the week and also work part-time in the service industry. I actually enjoy both of these jobs immensely. It doesn't even feel like work to me. Country singer Kenny Rogers once said in an interview that when you find a job that you love, you will never work another day in your life. I tell you what. If that child I met the other day gets to play tennis the rest of his life and get paid for it, he will be one happy person. It all starts with a dream and a desire. Has your own children mentioned things that they really have an interest in? You know as well as I do that kids grow up way too fast. Childhood years are gone before we know it. Try to discover what their hidden talents are. What do they enjoy doing. Maybe you can find ways to nurture their interests. It's not about nailing down what they want to study in college. It's more about helping them discover who they are and finding their strengths. When my sons were in elementary school they would often go to the after school program until I picked them up in the afternoons. One day I came in the cafeteria and this confident little guy waved a pencil up in the air and motioned for me to join him at his table. He didn't know me yet, but he acted like he did. He was armed with a clipboard and lots and lots of paper with notes scribbled on them. I sat down beside him and asked what he was doing. He replied so matter of fact that he was cutting me a check. It was payday. He asked how many hours I had worked that week. He looked up at me and waited for a reply. I could see a calculator cranking out numbers in those eyes of his so I played along.I told him I had worked way to many hours. He was quick and said, Ok. How about I write you a check for $10,000? Before I could reply he was already making out a pretend check and signing his name fiercely to make it official. After I took my pretend paper check, he sighed and put his head into his hand with his elbow resting on the table and said, Boy, this has been one long day! I never forgot that kid. In fact, some mornings we would be behind his car at the drop off point. I would smile when I told my kids, See that boy right there. You mark that kid. He's gonna be somebody one day. He is going to own his own company. They would laugh about it but they agreed. Come to find out, his dad is an engineer. I met him at one of the job fairs for the school. You never know, genetics might play some role in it, but there's lot to be said about the dreams children have about their own future. Next time you hear your youngster talking big about what they will be doing when they are grown up, let them talk. Their dream job will probably change a few times before they decide what they really want to do. Life has a way of taking us places we never dreamed of. Sometimes we end up doing jobs that we did not even go to college for. You never know. They just might win a Wimbledon and say Hey Mom! when the TV camera finds their smiling face.

Some Things Are Worth Waiting For

2009-06-21T13:53:00.005-04:00

I have missed writing articles for the newspaper for the last few weeks. Like a lot of other people I have taken on a part-time weekend job in addition to my regular job. It has taken a while to get accustomed to my new work schedule and over the last several weeks I could not tell you if it was Monday or Friday let alone clear my mind to write a few thoughts. Now that I have physically and mentally adjusted, I'm hoping you will still join me each week for these articles. I truly hope you might read something that will help you and your family along the way. We all have our own struggles and challenges, but there is strength for all us when we take the time to help one another. A sense of humour cannot hurt either, especially since there is nothing new under the sun, as King Solomon once said. It is easier to laugh about a situation when other people can relate. I hear so many wonderful stories when I work at a local hotel on weekends. I actually look forward to becoming acquainted with people passing through our area. This last weekend a very distraught elderly lady came to the front desk and put her head down into her hands on the counter. She had already checked out and was getting ready to head back home when her pet dachshund escaped and ran behind the hotel into the woods. The lady got this new pet only a few weeks prior to visiting us here in the mountains. It should have been no surprise that Ms. Spice, as the dachshund was called was totally oblivious to the calls of her owner. Spice had apparently gone deep in the woods behind a wooden fence and the elderly lady had pretty much given up hope of ever retrieving her pet. She was ready to simply write down her phone number in case someone, by chance found Spice. I wrote her number down on a piece of paper but also had her wait a few minutes while I tried to find the dog. I did not have much hope that the dachshund would come at the sound of my voice but it was the least I could do to help. I jiggled a large key ring full of keys and started beckoning Spice. There was absolutely no sound coming from anywhere. Just silence and no sight of a dog. I had almost given up when I called one last time before going back inside. Even though I thought it was my imagination, there was a rustling in the woods. All of a sudden, a dachshund came trotting towards me like it was perfectly normal to be coming out of there and towards this hotel lady. She didn't act scared or excited to see me. You should have seen the look on the guest's face when I walked back into the lobby with her precious Spice held securely in my arms. Her baby had comeback and now she could finally travel home without a sad heart. When she had given up hope, all of a sudden the impossible happened. How many times have you had your hopes dashed? Have you set your heart on something either for yourself or your family and yet it seems out of reach?Do you think your situation is impossible to turn around? We can want something so desperately and we can try so hard to make it happen ourselves but some things in life, the best surprises in life have to come at their own time. I am a true believer in karma. I believe in the golden rule. You know the one. Do to others as you would have them do to you. I believe in the reality of reaping and sowing. I have experienced it enough in my own life that I cannot ignore the validity of it. There's no denying I've witnessed it in other people's lives as well. There comes a time, however when we have to give up trying so hard to make things happen. If it is meant to be, there is nothing or no one on this earth that can stop it from happening. We can help create a perfect environment and always be ready for the answered prayers, but it is usually when we have given up hope and have stopped worrying about something that a little miracle unfolds right before our eyes. Just like Spice's owner had given up hope. She had tried and tried to find Spice. She had exerted all her energy and came to the conclusion it was all in vain. I think deep down she almost expected to never see Spice again. She had resigned herself to that idea. If there is anything to be learned from this, we should take heart that a hopeless situation can actually turn around. Impossible things happen every single day. Someone lands a new job. Look at me, for example. I had put my resume out at numerous places and had started to give up hope that I would land a second job. All of a sudden I got a phone call and this hotel hired me pretty much right on the spot. It was perfect timing for me and for them. I was so surprised that what I had been wanting had popped right into my life like it was supposed to be there all along. You know, I almost didn't take the job. I almost turned down the job after the first interview even though I really wanted and needed a part-time job. I wasn't too impressed with the lady that interviewed me. Be careful what you ask for, but be ready to step into something when it comes to light in your life. Don't be afraid to take a chance. After all, you might not get a second chance.Opportunities come our way every single day and we might miss out if we are not alert and open minded to those possibilities. It is all too easy to overlook the little miracles that present themselves. They just might not be how we anticipated our prayers becoming a reality. What is it that overshadows your happiness? What miracle are you hoping for? Do you need a better job? Do you desperately want love in your life? Do you have hopes and anxieties for yourself or your children? Do you simply need wisdom to make the right decision? Don't be afraid to pray and ask for those things, but don't be afraid to embrace those answered prayers. Maybe you've been hoping and praying for quite some time now and nothing has changed for you. Perhaps you need to do like the elderly lady and simply give up and let fate take over. I think it would be the most incredible thing if you found your favorite spice, meaning that special thing you've been wanting that has eluded you for so long. Don't give up. Believe. That miracle just might be getting ready to find you.

Rainy Days and Moving Things

2009-05-18T16:56:00.002-04:00

I spent this last weekend at home with my two sons. The on again, off again rainy weather pretty much kept us kaput. Every time we thought we could go swimming, a thunderstorm reminded us that mother nature was going to be in charge during our two days off from work and school. If only I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase that there was nothing to do around the house. That is the wrong thing to say to a mother. Maybe eventually my boys will get wiser and refrain from making such a declaration. I'm kind of glad they didn't catch on this weekend because I sure did appreciate their help in rearranging the living room! My youngest son is the stereo man in the house, so when anything needs hooked up, he is the first one we call. When he realized he would get to disconnect all the entertainment gadgets and re-hook them again, he was game. He was ready to help. He loves that sort of thing. I was thinking to myself, Now if we can just get the teenager involved, we just might get this task accomplished quickly. We had nothing else to do. We were tired of watching movies and believe it or not the teenager was tired of playing video games. You know that doesn't that happen very often. I took advantage of my son's obnoxious teenage nature and wrestled around with him until he thought it might be fun to help mom, especially if he was going to get to chase mom and torment her again after the work was completed. Now we had everyone on board. This was going to be a piece of cake. Sure enough, with everyone having assigned responsibilities the room was getting turned around. Eric, the young technician was fast at work hooking up the correct wires to the proper pieces of equipment. Alex, the comedian of the house was trying his best to lift his side of the couch while his sides were splitting with laughter. What was so funny? I have absolutely no idea. I just wanted my living room changed. He kept asking when we were going to play again. Whoever said teenagers do not want attention were oh so very wrong. At least he was in a good mood and he was helping. You can't ask much more than that from a teenager sometimes. At last, all the furniture was moved and put into place. The stereo worked. The TV came on. We all sat down and enjoyed our new living room. I reminded the boys that when they are grown and married, they should remember what happens when a woman starts complaining there is nothing to do on a rainy day. The very next thing they will probably say is, Now don't start asking me to move any furniture! At least they have been forewarned. Evening rolled around and we had all settled down when all of a sudden we heard this load ripping sound. We thought someone was pummeling our car outside. I looked out the front window and said, Hey guys, there are two white dogs running around in the neighbors yard. I think they might be puppies. Then as if shocked by a bolt of lightning I realized those were my puppies chasing their freedom as fast as their muddy little legs could carry them. The mother dog had pushed her way underneath the dog lot fence. The puppies were most appreciative to their mom and were having the time of their lives running in circles and jumping all over each other. You would have thought they were white greyhounds instead of Pyrenees. All we had to do really was open the front door and in came the whirlwind of white fur and a storm of muddy paws. Up on the couch and all through the house, three half-grown dogs were enjoying the new living room. I guess that was the end of not having anything to do. Bath one, bath two, bath three and my back was out. It was time to ice down and try to find a dry spot to sit for a while. As soon as I sat down I was knocked over with three big fur balls ready to romp as they almost successfully licked the very skin off my face. I couldn't believe that I was almost thankful for a Monday. This last weekend wasn't totally a waste. We were healthy and we were together. We were having a good time and everyone was getting along. My living room looks great, so maybe rainy weekends aren't so bad after all. Now if I can just get that fence repaired. Oh Boys!

Tear Down Those Walls

2009-04-27T19:27:00.004-04:00

Large thick plywood boards were hiding every single window on the abandoned restaurant building I passed on my way to work this morning. It was quite a desolate sight. Once upon a time this building was attractive and inviting. Local residents frequented this establishment for hearty breakfasts, fast food and delicious milkshakes. Now that the inside of the restaurant is hidden from the outside world, seldom will you find anyone around the building. There is no reason to hang out there. As I thought about those thick slabs of plywood on the windows, I made a correlation of how we can sometimes barricade ourselves away from the rest of the world. It is all too easy to put up walls around our hearts when we are afraid of getting hurt again. It's a lot harder to remove those protective shields and be vulnerable again, especially if you have been hurt more than once. This can sometimes be a personal struggle for a lot of individuals in regards to their relationships. It is not healthy to totally pull away and alienate yourself from people. Let's consider how this relates to dating situations. I was talking to a middle aged lady today who is entering the Internet dating scene after hiding herself away for almost ten years. She is a single mother and spent most of her time raising her daughter. Now that the daughter is getting ready to graduate, the mother feels she is ready to focus some time and energy on her love life. She admitted that over the years she had gone out a couple of times only to get burned in those relationships. After a while, she just gave up and decided it was not worth it to take a chance anymore.Sound familiar? Have you ever been in a relationship that you thought was going quite well, only to find out the other person simply was not that in to you? Apparently this happens all too often because a movie came out not too long ago with a similar title. It doesn't feel good to experience those rejection blues. I've had my own share of those experiences and I'm sure I've caused some dates to feel that way as well. Here's the thing. Is it better to pretend to be smitten with someone if you aren't and lead them on? Would it not be better to be honest with yourself as well as your dates if you do not feel a strong connection with them? There's different reasons people enter the dating scene. Either they want to simply have a good time and meet a lot of different people or they want to find that special someone to settle down with. Sometimes it is just the matter of enjoying some good company.If you have been hurt in the past, maybe it's a good idea for you to take a different approach to dating. Perhaps you should allow yourself the pleasure of enjoying the company of someone with the idea that you are not seriously looking for a relationship. Sometimes it is when we are not looking at all that a special someone pops into our lives without us being the wiser. That's when life gets really interesting. Until that moment happens for you, look at the relationships you already have. I'm not talking about romantic relationships. I'm referring to your close personal friends and your family members. This is a great time in your life to open up to them.Spend time nurturing those relationships. If we barricade ourselves away from the rest of the world, eventually people will stop coming around. It is OK to be a loner, but being alone all of the time can jump start depression in even the most confident and
happiest human being. Life is not meant to be enjoyed by one single person. It is the diverse and colorful personalities in all of us that make life more enjoyable when we spend time together. Pick up the phone this week and call that old friend of yours that you once talked to frequently. Get reacquainted. Go visit your family and friends. Look for opportunities to make new friends. Take some of those boards off the windows of your personal life and see a world that has been going on without you while you cowardly hid yourself from other people. Crowds can be intimidating and when you have kept yourself so far removed from meeting new people, it is very overwhelming. Spending time with family and friends is a great way to make a first step in getting back out there. Even if you were invited to a simple cookout this weekend, go. Make yourself available to meet people. When it is all said and done, fear is the invisible but powerful cause of so many people shying away from getting into another relationship. Maybe today, you can shake up that fear and remind yourself that if someone turned you down in the past, it is not necessarily about you. It probably has more to do with them than anything. They did you a favor by telling you they were not that in to you. It may have been painful the way they did it, but who wants to spend years with someone who cannot appreciate you for who you are? The lady I spoke with today about her new adventures in dating told me that she took some time to get to know herself before she tried to meet anybody else. You can save yourself a whole lot of heartache if you followed her example. Don't depend on someone else to make you happy. That in itself will only bring you right back to being alone again. If you are not happy with yourself, why would anybody else enjoy being around you? Take those figurative boards down. Enjoy your own view for a while, and let the world know that indeed, you truly are alive. You might be surprised to find there are lots of other interesting people out there who would enjoy getting to know you. You will not be able to see them however, if your windows are covered up.

Born To Fly

2009-04-20T19:25:00.003-04:00

Change is never the easiest thing to deal with. Remember when you took your child to their first day of kindergarten? Sure you may have had some relief that they have started into their school years, but it would not surprise me to know that you were kind of sad as well. I know I had mixed emotions when both of my sons entered kindergarten. There is not much in life we can really hold on to and keep forever. That is why every year about this time lots of parents get a little anxious when their babies are getting ready to graduate from high school. Here comes another transition. I was talking to a lady just today that was struggling with the idea of her youngest child going off to college in the Fall. You couldn't ask for a better mother. This lady has been there for her kids through thick and thin.She has been blessed with such a close relationship with both of her children, especially the youngest. It is not like her son is going to school out of the country or far away. In fact, he is headed across the South Carolina line into Clemson territory. He has such a bright future ahead of him. He is intelligent and has already proven in his young age to make very good decisions for himself. She has done an incredible job of raising him. Now that he is excited about moving on to this next eventful chapter in his life, she is doing everything she can to hold herself together. I was impressed with how she and her husband have spent extra time this last year with their son. I honestly do not think she is afraid of missing out on special events in his life now that he will be living on his own near campus. I think she is just bracing herself for simply missing him. A good friend of mine went through a similar time in her life when her only daughter went away to college. She handled the situation far better than everyone thought she would. Sometimes things are not as bad as we fear they might be. Transitions are inevitable aren't they? They are part of our lives. Some are easier to get through than others. If you have a close relationship with your children before they leave for college, it might be a little harder on you than others. The best advice I could give anyone else that might be going through a similar transition is to remember that you are not alone. Take some comfort in the fact that many moms and dads have travelled a very similar road as the one you are one right now. They made it through even though they had their difficult moments and their own share of empty tissue boxes. If you are having a difficult time facing this new phase of your life, talk about it. That's what your spouse and friends are for. Let them know that it is somewhat difficult for you right now. You will be surprised how helpful it is to just release your thoughts about the whole thing. It's not about hearing lots of advice or finding the perfect way to deal with your sadness and sense of loss. It's more about finding your way through the transition and becoming stronger for how the experience changes you. Life events shape us in one way or the other. Be proud of your child as only you can be for making it this far in life and for graduation from high school. My boys are still in elementary and middle school but I have heard from other parents that the older your child gets, there is just that much more to worry about. That sounds like something to really look forward to doesn't it. Another thing you might consider is keeping a journal during this milestone in your life. You never know what wonderful memories will come flooding your way. It could be the perfect opportunity to capture those memories in the form of a book. When you are feeling down and missing your child away at college, go back over some of those memories you penned and let the comfort from them wash over you. Finally, remind yourself that your relationship with your child is not ending. In a way, it is only beginning because now your relationship can evolve into a more mature friendship. Sure, there will probably be lots of days and weekends when they will barely notice you except for those clean folded clothes you did for them. They will have so many activities and classes and friends that will steal them away from you, but they will be back. They won't forget you, mom and dad. Just because your family is facing a new change doesn't mean it has to permanently change your family. Keep making those wonderful memories every chance you get. Keep that camera nearby every time you see your son or daughter. Take a break from the kitchen and go out to eat. Spend time together. Just do something together. Enjoy the times you are around each other. You have done your part in raising your child. Maybe you would have done things differently if you had the chance, but now it is time to encourage your almost grown child to spread their wings and fly. As you watch them take off, after you empty that tissue box you are holding on to for dear life, take some time to embrace this change. Then get ready. It's time for you to spread your own wings and fly.

Bye-Bye Baby Blues!

2009-04-13T17:35:00.000-04:00

Are you depressed? My family physician sat across from me in the exam room and quietly waited for my response to his question. I fought back tears I didn't not know were so close to the surface as I slowly shook my head and said, No. The sympathetic look on his face just about did me in that day. As I tearfully completed a questionnaire about depression my strong fortress came down like a gigantic rock slide. I had to admit to myself that indeed, I was feeling blue. I was out of sorts but could not explain why. I felt as if I had somehow lost my sense of identity. I was always on edge. I felt unattractive and undesirable. I was young and I truly enjoyed being a new mom to my second child, but I struggled to be happy on the inside. That was some twelve years ago.When you are in the middle of stress, you do not always realize how it can be affecting you. Things change when you have a baby in the house. Every month you see them grow so quickly and you see them transition into the toddler years almost as quick as you can run to the store for the next bag of diapers and and a case of formula. It can be very stressful even though it can also be a wonderful time in your life. I felt even more alone when the doctor suggested I might be experiencing a time of light depression. I thought surely there must be something wrong with me that I could not handle the pressures that other young mothers surely had to deal with as well. Over time I came to learn that along with those priceless memories of babies first coos and first steps comes many a sleepless night. Sleep deprivation can really get your body and mind out of whack which in turn can affect your outlook on life.I watched firsthand the effects sleep deprivation can have on a mother. A young lady that worked in my office was definitely sleep deprived. Her baby was not quite a year old and did not want to sleep at night. She would only sleep for small periods of time. The couple tried everything under the sun to help their baby sleep through the night, including visiting the pediatrician multiple times. Eventually they conceded that perhaps the little night owl might be going through a stage and would eventually grow out of it. That would make sense, but inevitably the mother suddenly came to work with little or no energy. She was very short tempered. She took little thought in how she dressed herself in the mornings. Her relationship with her spouse was not even on a burner on the stove. Forget the back burner, it just faded into the background. Fortunately this young couple is the best of friends and the husband did everything he could to help make things better. He arranged for them to have a date night. He tried getting up with the baby in intervals so it wouldn't be so hard on the mother. I think it is especially hard on women who pride themselves in having everything just so. When babies come into our lives we kind of have to let go of perfection. There has to be transitions. That's just the way life is and we can make it hard or easy on ourselves depending on our outlook on the situation. Now that my co-workers baby has somewhat found a night-time schedule and the mom is actually getting some sleep, her whole countenance has drastically improved for the better. We all enjoy being around her and she is able to actually focus on her work. I found it interesting that her husband spoke up one day and suggested she have a girls night out. She looked at me and asked what in the world would she do with a couple of hours away from her baby. You know, it probably would feel a little weird being away from her pride and joy, but she would be doing herself a huge favour by taking her husband up on the offer. It is great to be caught up in the ever changing moments of your baby, but if you are not careful, you can all too easily lose that close connection with your spouse and even your friends. It takes a little bit of juggling and patience in this stage of your life, but it is possible to make it through with the help and support of those around you. If you have someone volunteering to help out, why not take advantage of that little space that can give you a brief break. Nobody can take care your child the way you do. You are mom, but even the best mother needs a reprieve every now and then. It's amazing how some personal time away from your kids can actually give you that boost of energy and love back into your life. Don't be afraid to ask for help. If you are feeling overwhelmed and you sense you are constantly on edge, it's probably time for a break. It is not about taking a month long vacation. Mothers do not get that type of luxury and I don't think we would want to be away from our children that long any way. If you have family or friends that can assist you, ask for help when you need it. They may not always say this to you, but they want to feel needed and they may not even know that you are needing a break. You are not only giving yourself the gift of some peace and time to renew your mind, you are also blessing your family with a better you. We were made to love and if you face those feelings of depression head on, that will only help bring you back to where you need to be in life. Babies do have a way of changing things, and we cannot help but be changed ourselves as we grow into motherhood. I just do not want you to lose sight of who you are in the process or lose something in your personal relationships. After all, babies will grow up all too quickly. Family and friends make these years a little bit easier and that much more memorable when they can be a part of it as well.If you find yourself adrift in thoughts of feeling down and all alone, find someone to talk to. You deserve to take care of yourself, mom. You are doing a good job. Also, take some comfort that it is perfectly normal to have down times in our lives, especially after having a baby. It is a life changing event. Statistics show that nearly 60% of mothers experience some form of baby blues after giving birth. Some stats even suggest 80%, so just remember you really are not alone. There are a lot of other mothers just like yourself out there going through very similar situations. You might find it helpful to join a support group in your area for new mothers. You can also find endless support groups and places to network with other families online. Those of you out there who have already raised your own children or have forgotten what it is like to have sleepless nights, why not volunteer to give some reprieve to your neighbor. It just might be exactly what they need to help them through this week.

Sometimes Landing A Job Is As Simple As Taking A Break

2009-03-20T12:09:00.001-04:00

Have you found yourself joining the ever growing number of people getting laid off, or worse yet, getting a pink slip? I am in and out of a lot of medical facilities with my job and every time I turn around I'm hearing talk about the economy. Just about every news channel has brought in job experts and analysts for ongoing interviews and news segments. FOX news out of South Carolina has devoted quite a bit of time to educating their listening audience about making the most of these tough times. You could surf a number of other TV stations and get variations on the same theme.It really is a relevant subject and I think they are doing their listeners a favor by helping them navigate these stressful days for so many people.I have heard a lot of reports about what job fields are believed to be recession proof. The medical field always seems to be the first one they mention. I'm afraid that no one is actually completely safe. At least that is what I am hearing first hand from medical staff. Most every place of business, doctors offices and hospitals included are constantly looking at their budget and making executive decisions on a daily basis. If they have to make a cut, they most certainly will. There might be a little bit more of a safety net in the medical field, but one thing is for sure. Medical staff has valid reasons to be concerned about their jobs just as much as any one else. I have a list of friends that have asked me to keep my ears open for job openings. All of them work in the medical field by the way. They were either losing their job or experiencing a cut in their hours, which inevitably means a cut in their pay. Other friends have a spouse that have become a victim of a lay off. With all that being said, it is easy to believe that there are more people searching for jobs than there are jobs to be found. That is not necessarily the case. There are jobs out there, but you may have to either take a pay cut or take a job doing something different than what you typically do or would like to do. Change is hard isn't it?It is easy to get bitter and discouraged when you think about losing your job and possibly having to find something beneath what you have been trained to do. Take some comfort in the fact that you are not alone. Many individuals are taking any job they can right now just to stay afloat. Sometimes you may have to do that for a while. There is no shame in that.Most people think inside the box about finding a new job. They naturally start putting in applications and resumes every where they can. Basically they are just another person in line. Sometimes it can feel like a first come, first serve sort of thing. If you were lucky to get your application in before the next guy, then maybe you will land a new job. Here's something to think about. Maybe it is time to think outside of the box in your job hunt. If you are spending quite a bit of time applying for work and having little or no results, why not take a break. Yes, you heard me. Take a break and get out there in the community where you can actually meet and talk to other people. Sit down and have yourself a coke. You will not have to wait long to hear conversations start popping up about the economy. Tune in your ears to those conversations and possibly involve yourself somehow. Get inside scoops on places of business other people work. It just might happen that they just found out today that someone quit and now there is a job opening. Well, you would have heard it before the company even had time to put it in the newspaper. There you go. You could be first person in line for a change. You have to get creative in your job search if you want to get ahead of the race. Remember back in the old days when the old timers would sit outside the barber shop and keep an eye on the town? Well, neither do I. I'm too young although I've heard countless stories. I'm sure some of you remember those days though. I bet you the old timers could tell you who was needing help. I'm not suggesting you go to your salon and sit until you hear something better than the daily gossip. These days of economic woes require that you use all of your natural abilities. It is not enough to simply fill out an application and wait for a phone call. Listening to the conversations around you everywhere you go is a simple but very effective way to possibly land that brand new job you've been praying for. Good luck to all of you out there. I hope that those of you who are desperately needing a paycheck right about now will have a most successful week in getting another job.

Not To Old To Play..

2009-02-23T17:43:00.004-05:00

I sat mesmerized while I watched our little
puppies romp around and playfully wrestle each
other all across the living room floor. We have truly
enjoyed every second of having puppies. Well,
almost every second. The puppy stage is rather
intense isn't it? Puppies really do not do anything
halfway. If they are going to chew the wooden leg
of your couch, they are going to make sure your
couch is left with three solid wooden legs and one
wooden peg. If they drink water from a bowl they
are going to make sure they spill half of it to
provide mop water. If they pee and poop,
which they do and do often, they are going to give
you something to wrinkle your nose. Let's not
forget the laundry room which is their favorite
hangout. Fold clothes and put them up high out of
their reach and they will entertain themselves all
day jumping until they reach your favorite sweater.
Sweater? Oh, that one. Yes, they simply
assumed that was the new plush rug you
purchased for them. What a good human you are
to reward your oh so lovable pooch with a
cashmere rug.Yes, puppies demand a lot of time and attention,
but sometimes you can actually learn a lot from
these playful critters. I was thinking about my own
busy life as I laughed at my puppies playful antics.They were so
in tune with each other and even when one of the pups did not want to play, they
finally caved in because everyone else was having
so much fun. It is so easy to make it through a
busy day at work, rush through dinner with the
family and have a few minutes of quiet before
everyone settles in bed only to repeat the same
process the next day. When do we have time to
let our hair down and just enjoy our family? Our
lives are quite a bit more complicated than
puppies who have nothing better to do during their
day but sleep, eat, poop and play. We have work,
family and other demands whittling away the
minutes of our day. I noticed that my pups sure
did enjoy a good sleep after they horsed around a
while. We might actually get better rest at night if
we took some time to be active and playful with
our own family during the day and early evening. I
remember when my own children were younger
and I would be outside with them until it grew
darker. They played hard and they slept hard as
well. Sure we all have a lot crammed into our
days, but maybe it is time that we step back and
add some moments of fun into our family routine. I
think sometimes we may have to actually lay
aside something on the daily schedule and really
focus energy on family. If it is impossible let
something go on your schedule, perhaps you
could at least cut back some of the minutes on
your day's agenda here and there so you can
actually devote more time to your family.
Puppies are carefree and we can learn something
from that. When we come home, that should be
our place of safety. That should be a place our
children look forward to returning after school. The
next time you hear laughter coming from your
children and you see them playing, why not join
them. It would do you good to be playful again.
You are not too old. Be prepared, however to
resuscitate your children when they pass out with
surprise that mom or dad is trying to be part of
their world. Or maybe they will be in shock that
mom and dad can actually be fun sometimes.
Now, if you are thinking about climbing on the
monkey bars at the park and you haven't done that
in a really long time, you might want to have a
backup plan. Oh yeah, have a backup plan as well
as an ice pack. Just have fun! It won't even cost you anything. You do realize there's only one way to break your kids away from those video games. Volunteer yourself to play against them. Who cares if you do not know which buttons to push. Just push all of them if you cannot figure it out. Expect to hear a lot of laughter when your teenagers catch on to your ignorance and lack of game skills. You know, even your spouse might actually perk up and join the rest of the gang when they see you being more active. Wouldn't that be something. Imagine what it would be like if your family actually had some fun for a change.

Power of Praise

2009-02-09T18:10:00.001-05:00

How much influence do you suppose you have on your children? Have you ever considered how much power exists in the very tip of your tongue? The spoken word is a powerful thing. Body language often times says way more than what we speak with our mouths but today, I want us to think about what we say and how those words affect our children. Children for some reason want mom and dad to be proud of them more than anybody else on this planet. There's just something about hearing your parents voice and words of praise.It really isn't the same when you have to hear it from another child's parent or even a school teacher. When a child feels that mom and dad believe in them, they begin to believe in themselves and try even harder to do well. If you grew up with little or no affirmation in your life, you may find yourself still searching for someone to give you that feedback. Hopefully it has not transferred into finding yourself in unhealthy relationships. If that is the case, maybe you should read on and see if you can identify with a young man I would like to tell you about. Meet Nicholas. Nicholas is not his real name, but that is really not what is important. What is important is his story because over and over again other children are hearing the same types of demeaning conversations with their moms and dads. I would like to think that each of you are open minded and would gladly take a minute to reflect on how you treat your own children. Perhaps you have never really taken the time to pay attention to the reaction on your child's face when you talk down to them instead of encouraging them. Nicholas is seven years old and in the second grade. He really enjoys school and actually makes good grades. He takes his time on each test just like his mom reminds him to.Up until recently he always loved bringing his report cards home because he knew how hard he had worked for those grades. Most of the time he could say he made only A's and B's. Over and over again, he would hand his report cards to his dad who would be sitting at the dinner table. Dad would just stare at him and say, "What's this?" As his dad looked over the good grades, his only comment was this: "That's what I send you to school to do." Nothing was said about the hard work Nicholas had done. No one voiced how proud they were of him. This last report card reflected several D's instead of the A's and B's that Nicholas was very capable of producing. Nicholas confides that it doesn't matter what he makes on his tests.Mom and dad just do not care anyway. How sad that such a smart child will go to school every day working under his potential because he has given up trying. These school years go by so fast and the attitude Nicholas has now will also carry over into high school and college. Maybe he will give up and quit. Maybe he will grow up and go from job to job without ever feeling he can be successful. Who knows. It doesn't have to be that way. Sure Nicholas might get lucky and have some other family member or friend that will pick up where mom and dad successfully failed. There is no guarantee of that for him. Moms and dads, how hard could it be to put aside your personal expectations for your child and say the four little words: "I'm proud of you!" Children shouldn't have to try hard to make mom and dad proud. Tests are hard. Even for young children tests can be overwhelming. So if they try their best, shouldn't you be proud of them for their efforts? If they do very well, you should be that much more proud of them. You really are not teaching them anything by withholding your praise. Well, maybe you are teaching them something. Maybe you are teaching them that they are worthless and that they simply can not do not do anything to measure up. Maybe you are teaching them that they should always feel crummy about themselves. It really doesn't matter if they even try or not. Nobody will notice. Nobody will care. I don't know about you, but I wouldn't want to feel that way about myself. Would you? I have found that the parents that talk down to their kids have heard the very same words by their own moms and dads when they were younger. History doesn't have to be repeated. Perhaps there is a better way to be a mom and dad. Moms and dads do not always know best. Next time you make a comment to your child, take the time to look them in the eye and watch the reaction on their young faces. These children did not ask to belong to you, but they do. Why not help your children grow up believing that they can dare to dream their dreams. They can learn anything. They can be whatever they want to be when they grow up and no matter what, mom and dad will always love them. If you believe in them, it will be that much easier for them to believe in themselves. Nicholas' story is a true story by the way. He is a very real child who is growing up thinking it really doesn't matter what he does. He is always trying to get the approval from anybody who will give it.It will be all too easy for this habit to continue in other areas of his life as he continues to grow and mature. Children like this all to likely end up getting involved with the wrong kind of friends and getting into trouble. They give way more of themselves than they want to give all because they have this void for approval. Believe it or not, the power to help Nicholas lies in the hands of his parents. Hopefully they will wake up and realize that this child is special and there is reason to be proud of him. They are doing well at providing material things for him but unless they change their ways of interacting with their son, who knows how his life will turn out. I hope you will take some time to think about your own children this week.Find at least one thing you can tell them you are proud of them for. Don't forget to watch the reaction on their faces when they hear those words of praise. It just might warm your heart.

Makeup and Driving Do Not Mix

2009-02-02T18:37:00.005-05:00

Parking lots serve us with many more conveniences than we might think. They are not simply a place to park and shop. I wish the driver of the SUV that nearly hit me this morning on the way to work would have found an empty lot to park. The driver was slapping on her makeup as she kept crossing over into my lane of traffic. She was oblivious that she was weaving.That is not the first time I've had to watch out for that kind of early commute driver. Women, myself included are most capable of multi-tasking, but I really do not buy into the idea that we should be able to put on makeup while trying to drive and talk to the youngsters in the back seat.I know better than most how hard it is to juggle time. I am a single mom and time is valuable to me. My two sons go to two different schools so we have to leave earlier to make sure every one gets to their destination on time. I have left the house without my face on, as I like to call it, many a morning.My dad gave me the best Christmas present. Dad, if you are reading this, I absolutely love the little silver makeup box you gave me. I use it practically everyday. It leaves the house alongside of my briefcase.I have come to know all the good parking lots that divide the miles between my youngest son's school and my office. I made a vow that I would not put on makeup while driving.That is just so unsafe. It is entertaining watching these divas splash on a dab or two of color at each red light while the rest of us honk our horns. It isn't funny, however when they start weaving in and out of traffic creating the potential for a fender bender.Those of you ladies that are professional makeup artists and drivers, I hope you will try to be a little more careful out there on the road. Even if you do not have children riding in your back seat,I have some in mine. All it takes is a split second of taking your eyes off the road and you might lose control of your car. Besides, a tiny smidgen of mascara doesn't feel so good if you have to slam on your breaks and accidentally jab your mascara wand in your own eye.Try to get up and get ready earlier. Take the rollers out of your hair while your car is warming up in the mornings. If that simply will not do, please stop in an empty parking lot and put your face on. Get out of the line of traffic. If you can dab makeup on that quickly while driving, you most certainly can put it on in several minutes while sitting still on the side of the road.In the end, we will all stay safe, you will look good for the day, and chances are you will probably still get to work about the same time. So give it a thought would you. Until next time, I hope everyone out there has a wonderful and safe week. Watch out for the makeup artists!

Change Is In The Air

2009-01-05T18:33:00.002-05:00

Here we have just finished our first week of 2009. I overheard several ladies in a office today talking about their new year's resolution to eat healthier. They pulled out their desk drawers to boast what changes they had made in their snacks. One of them was about to starve even though it was only 9 AM. The look on her face wasn't altogether convincing that she would actually stick with her diet for the full duration of this year.
There's something about the turning of a new calendar year that triggers a response in people about making changes in their lives. Diet is always at the top of most every one's list. Exercise is never far behind. It would be interesting to know how many people joined a fitness center this last week. Were you one of the lucky ones to get exercise equipment for Christmas? Maybe that was your gift to yourself this year to help jump start your workout plans.
I found quite a few people walking and jogging throughout the community and local parks just several days into 2009. They had a look of determination as they sweat ed and burned off those unwanted calories. Some of the workout suits they sported were quite impressive. They had either purchased new workout gear or Santa had been quite nice to them on Christmas morning. You know, all of us should try to develop healthier eating habits as well as fitness goals. We do not have to wait until the beginning of a new year. It should be a natural part of our lives for the simple reason that being healthy naturally brings a sense of balance and peace of mind into our lives. We owe it to our family as well as ourselves to be as healthy as we possibly can be.
Have you ever given much thought to your personal relationships? Could there be any significance in the act of purposefully making changes in the people that are in your life? I'm thinking of several individuals I know personally. Both of them are basically miserable. Both of them have someone they love in their lives. I always find it interesting when someone tells me how terrible they feel about their relationships yet they stay in them for whatever their personal excuses may be. I think we have all had friends down through the years that we have really enjoyed spending time with, and then there are other friends we would actually prefer to only see once or twice a year. What do you suppose makes somebody stay in a bad relationship? They obviously do not like the way they feel at the end of the day when they have been betrayed, belittled or totally ignored yet, over and over again they stay with it. Maybe they are hoping that things will simply improve over time. Maybe they are afraid of starting over again in a new relationship. Some people just do not like to be alone. I have known couples who have dated for years that stayed together only because their relationship had evolved into something of a comfort factor. They knew each other like the backs of their own hands. Romantic sparks? Those had faded out and disappeared long ago but they still knew each other and that obviously meant something to them. Talk to each individual person involved and they would hesitantly but honestly tell you that they were terribly unhappy. They wanted more out of their relationships but at the same time they were not for sure that it was possible to have a more fulfilling relationship outside of what they had known. Just like individuals become passive in their diets and exercise programs, couples can be passive in their relationship. I would like to say that just because two people have a rough spot or two does not mean they should permanently part ways. If those rough spots are never resolved however, they will only become huge boulders between the individuals. Naturally there will be division and chaos and arguments. Basically, it will add up to a miserable relationship. You are the only person who can determine what is best for you. It is an empowering moment when you realize that the true power to make better choices in your personal relationships lies in your own hands. I think all too often we let others have that power. We let them choose if they are going to stay or move on at the expense of our own happiness. Maybe this new year would be a good time for you to take inventory of your close circle of friends. Do you have friends or close acquaintances that really drag you down? Are they a bad influence on you? Are your values quite different? Do they treat you and others with respect or the opposite? Do you feel as if you cannot totally be yourself around these people because they would not really accept that or value that? Do they take advantage of you? Are they dishonest? If you answered yes to some of these questions, then perhaps you need to make some personal changes in your friends and the people you associate with. Another year is a long time to stick with relationships if they are not good for you. We spend more time making new years resolutions with our diets and exercise than we do on our relationships. This year, why not focus on improving all areas of your life, especially your personal relationships. You might be quite surprised how this could improve your life in more ways than one. First of all, by making some changes you will be reducing your stress level. You will be improving your ability to focus on things that are important. You will actually have more positive energy to pour into all other areas of your life. You might actually feel like throwing in an extra jog at the park as part of your routine. It is amazing how much of an impact negative relationships can have on you. They can be very draining. It is not until you come out of them that you really see the difference. How terrible would it be if you were actually very happy? It is possible, but it is totally up to you.

This week's article

2008-12-22T19:26:00.002-05:00

Holidays are usually happy times marked with families spending time together. I am enjoying this Christmas season in our new home so much.My two sons are definitely taking in all of the excitement as well. While we were riding around and checking out Christmas lights in the neighborhood a few nights ago,we were also tuning our radio to catch some holiday music. It didn't take long before the commercials interrupted our favourite Christmas songs. My favourite happens to be Jingle Bell Rock. I love the Randy Travis version but will settle for most any recording of that tune. One of the commercials gave a voice to at least a handful of soldiers serving our country overseas. I'm sure it is hard on soldiers being away from home during Christmas, but it must be incredibly hard for those of you who are waiting for their return home. We pulled into a circular driveway that was welcoming light seekers such as ourselves. As we came around toward the front of this home, there was one set of yard decorations that captured my attention and heart. They had created a black silhouette of a soldier kneeling beside a fallen brother. American flags were scattered around and the scene was completed with simple spotlights. This house and yard was completely covered and surrounded with holiday lights. This is one of those homes that should be taking donations for drivers passing through.If they had been selling hot chocolate to offset their electric bill, I would definitely have contributed to the cause. Their whole set-up was gorgeous and festive and as full of Christmas spirit as you can get. It was very moving to me and a welcome reminder to see the patriotic display in the midst of all the holiday hoopla. I was reminded of soldiers that have given their lives for our country. We should not take our freedom for granted. Many soldiers are injured and spending time away from family and loved ones as they recover in many of our veterans hospitals. We should be very thankful for their service. I am very grateful to the spouses and parents and children of these brave soldiers who endure the months away from their loved ones, and I just want to say thank you. I know it must be terribly hard on you and I hope that somehow this will be a special Christmas for you in spite of the distance between you and your loved one. Back in 2002 I witnessed firsthand a soldier telling his wife goodbye as he was being deployed from the local airport. They were oblivious to everyone else around and even though barely a word was spoken between them, it was obvious they were dreading the final goodbye. I kind of felt like an intruder on their private moment even though it was impossible not to observe what was going on. After they had been quietly waiting a long time, the soldier got the call. His departure was postponed for the next day. I wasn't sure if relief washed over the young wife's face or if it was just pure heartache that followed the realization. She was going to have to endure the whole process all over again. They quietly held each other as if that would be the last time they would embrace as they turned and walked away. I want to share with you a poem I penned not long after witnessing that emotional event. When duty calls, it does not matter the time of year. Summer, winter, Valentine's Day or Christmas - saying goodbye is never easy. My prayer and wish for military families is that this Christmas season will not be quite as hard as they thought it would be. May they get to enjoy family togetherness in a special way. And may they one day soon be reunited with their loved ones returning home safe and sound. Homecomings are always much better than the farewells and definitely something to look forward to. Here is the poem.

DEPARTURE

The blistering wind with it's frigid deep chill
is only a slap in the face
compared to the shrapnel that tears through my chest
reminding me what is ahead
Each minute that passes is harder to breathe
as time melts away what we've known
Each gesture is measured and fast memorized
for solace and hope for my soul
This could be the last time we physically touch
or gaze through the depths of our eyes
This could be the last time we hear our shared thoughts
or hear our beloved one's voice
This could be the first time that we'll be alone
a sign of the long road ahead
Dear God, help me Father
I don't know just how
my heart can survive this good-bye
please grant me a heart like the one of this soldier
my husband so brave and so strong.

A Weekend With Teenagers..What an Experience

2008-12-08T19:47:00.002-05:00

Many of you grew up believing the Biblical account of creation. You know, where God created the world in six days and on the seventh day he rested.This last weekend I had to keep up with some teenagers and their seven year old brother while their mom and dad went out of town. I began to wonder if maybe God had actually created teenagers on the sixth day and then rested the next. It's unbelievable the stories they came up. Did they not realize I had talked to their boss weeks before this holiday from mom and dad? Did they really think I would spend their $20 allotment on candy at the grocery store? One of them tried to convince me that they need to drink an energy drink everyday. This is the same kid who has to make sure he takes his medicine every morning so the teachers at school can tolerate him. Yes, this was a most interesting weekend. What I came to realize was that whenever they ask a question, there's a secretive reason they are asking.The innocent look on their faces tried to hide their ulterior motives. How stupid did they think I would be? I mean, I haven't experienced the teenage years with my two children..yet, but I feel after this weekend I have a head start on a few parenting tricks. Those of you who either have teenagers now or have already raised them should be speaking up and sharing the wealth of knowledge you have stored up.It's odd though. Most parents just get this wicked twinkle in their eyes and get a snarly laugh in their throat when you mention the word teenagers. I don't know. Maybe it's because they have already won their battles, their wars and their badges of survival. The only advice most parents seem to give is this. Just wait. Wait for what? Can't you give me better warning than that? If raising teenagers is as time consuming as this weekend was, I think I would like to wait awhile. My oldest son is nearing thirteen. So I really do not have that long before these teen years come along. It was interesting to me getting to spend time with kids other than my own. Every family has their own values and ways that they interact with each other.I was really surprised, however at how disrespectful these kids were to each other. I wasn't there to conform these kids. I enjoyed spending time with them and getting to know them and their teenage world but I also laid down the law that as long as I was there we would all be respectful of each other. They were never disrespectful to me but as I came to learn, this is how they constantly treat each other when it's just mom and dad at home. That explains a lot.No wonder mom and dad took off for the weekend. No wonder they turned their cell phones off. Kidding aside, I am not ignorant to the fact that a lot of families are like that. Maybe your own family is like that. I don't know. These kids must be under a lot of stress constantly trying to win every single battle. It was like they felt they needed to argue. I know their mom and dad have been stressed out because of their children and all the chaos at home, but really. It is possible to have a more peaceful environment. I think back to the early days when I became a single parent. I will be the first one to admit there was a lot of chaos in our home. It did take a lot of time to bring respect back into our family. Voices had to be trained to speak in a calmer manner. Along the way, there had to be boundaries set. Consequences had to be reinforced consistently, and lots of love and time and attention had to be devoted to each child as they learned a different lifestyle. It had to start with me as the parent. It has to start with any mom or dad. I do realize that kids these days are bombarded with so many influences outside of mom and dad's values. It is very easy for attitudes to be acquired where they disrespect authority and where they place little or no value on honesty.Peer pressure is greater than ever. Media of all kinds, both good and bad are easily available. I've heard so many parents say that they couldn't wait until their kids became teenagers so they could leave them alone more. They thought it would be easier on them as parents if they could just let the kids come home by themselves and keep themselves occupied. A lot of teenagers do very well and behave in a mature manner and their parents have little to worry about. I hope that is your situation. On the other hand, there are numerous teenagers that have been given too much free time. They find themselves getting in trouble and doing things they really have no business doing at that age. I ended up staying up all night long one night this last weekend. One of the teenagers was allowed to have one of their friends spend the night. Apparently this was pre planned and she thought she would be able to spend the night in the next room with my friend's teenage son. When I realized what they were plotting, I just shook my head and opened up a can of Mt. Dew. I just made myself a cozy spot on the couch near the girls bedroom door and started working on a personal project. I heard a few strong words out of her mouth whenever she tried to go across the hall and she realized that at 2:30 in the morning, I was still wide awake. After that, I made sure the girls stayed put in their room. I think I finally went on to bed at 5 AM. The next morning I told the young girl she had to go home as soon as she ate some breakfast.I needed a break. She quietly said, Yes Ma'am. Well, I survived a weekend with some teenagers. Those of you who are raising your own, God bless you. May He give you an extra dose of wisdom and energy and a book full of survival skills. May you come out of those years with a huge, huge award to hang on your wall. May you finally get some sleep.There has to be at least one good reason for the teenage years. Let's see. Let me think about it. I do not think it is to teach adults patience because I can think of a lot of better ways to teach patience. No cannot be that. I do not think it is to teach adults how to stretch their budget. That is pretty much impossible when you consider the costs of feeding and clothing and entertaining teens. There has to be a reason. I was going to end the article on that note because I was having a hard time coming up with one good reason, but I have one more thing to say. If I learned anything at all this weekend, I learned this. We may not think there is a good reason for having to go through the teenage years, but we cannot escape these life shaping days in the lives of our children. We would be misled if we believed that our teenagers do not need us. They are actually dealing with the same question. What is the purpose of my life? Why am I here? Why does life seem so complicated? They do need us. They need our love, our time and our attention and especially our guidance. They should not ever feel that they have to give themselves away to sex, drugs or the wrong kind of friends in order to feel special. These teenage years are a very exciting time for these young people. They are discovering the world in so many rich colors and hues. They are so alive and have so much energy. If we could just tap into the passion for life they have at this stage, maybe we would make different choices ourselves. They are not afraid to take chances. They live in the moment, which may get them into trouble sometimes. Other times, it is a good thing because they do not miss out on creating wonderful memories with their friends. They are never too busy for their friends. Our children need us at all stages of their lives but I firmly believe that they need us even more when they become teenagers. They do need some space to learn and grow and come into their own, but they still need us. Just today my oldest son grabbed me as we were passing in the kitchen and said, Mom,I need a hug. I grabbed him and hugged him back with everything I had in me because I was a teenager once, and sometimes a hug from mom is better than having all the friends in the world. In fact, it is even better than staying up all night long, drinking soda and eating Doritos and junk food with your best friends in the privacy of your locked bedroom. It is definitely better than trying to sneak out of a bedroom and getting caught. I think I will go to bed early tonight and catch upon some much needed rest. I left the home of these teenagers so thankful to be returning to own home and my own children. That night as my sons were watching a movie together I strained my ears to hear what I was missing. I felt like I was missing something. Ahhh..yes. I did not hear teenagers running through the house chasing each other for the last bag of chips and soda. I guess I will enjoy every moment of quiet while I can. These next few years will be interesting. Just wait and see. I keep thinking that maybe one day I will run out of things to write about and share with you. I guess not. Looks like things are just starting to really get interesting.

This week's article

2008-12-01T19:37:00.002-05:00

I have never been an avid football fan but every now and then I will play catch up with how the professional teams are doing and even watch a game or two. This last weekend the Carolina Panthers were playing against the Greenbay Packers. I was cheering for the Panthers of course. Both of my sons took in all the excitement with a curious question. So are you back into football, mom?
One of my favourite teams has always been the Minnesota Vikings but I feel partial to the Panthers with them being from North Carolina.I have to confess. I was one of the skeptics about the Panthers when they first organized as an expansion team back in 1995. During those early years they did not seem to play together as a team very well. Granted, they were in the infancy stages of becoming a well organized unit from the players on up to the management staff, but I would cringe when I watched their painful losses on the field.
Often times players seemed as if they were playing their own game. It appeared that everyone was struggling to find their own identity as well as their place on the team. Trust between players and coaches does not occur overnight or even after a handful of games. It was obvious to me that the building phase would take some time. A lot of changes had to happen not just in staffing but also with the team roster.
Here we are thirteen years later and look at the Panthers now. They have come a long way and are a team to be reckoned with in the NFL. Carolina fans have been solid and strong and now, even skeptical fans like me are being won over. Several things stood out to me about this team during Sunday's showdown with the Packers. First of all, there was team spirit between these players. It wasn't a pack of football players playing their own game. They were pumped up and very focused on the common goal - to win this ballgame.
There was a sense of solidarity between the team and the coaches which makes a huge difference in how a team plays out on the field. I was very impressed with our Carolina team. One shot the TV camera captured was when one of the Panther players ran out of bounds in their own territory.Their uniform had slightly come off their shoulder pad when they tumbled to the ground.
In one split second I saw at least three other Panther teammates pick him back up, fix his uniform back in place and give him the smack of confidence on his behind as he trotted back on the field. When one of their buddies was down, they swarmed like bees to help him and encourage him to get back out there in the game.
I immediately thought about my family. In a way, we are kind of like a team. Each individual person has their own personality and they contribute their own spirit to the family unit. If somebody has a really bad attitude and is mean spirited towards other members in the family, it affects all of us. I think when family members practice being respectful of each other and each other's space, there will always be unity. When people disrespect each other, chaos is soon to follow.
I want my family to be happy and healthy and to thrive. In order for each person to feel important and to feel that they can actually reach their fullest potential and even reach their personal goals, there has to be unity. There has to be some sort of common goal. What is the purpose of a family anyway? Have you ever thought about that?
Well, if we look at a family in the same light as a unified football team we might see this kind of picture. If somebody in the family tries to accomplish something and fails, the family is there to support them and encourage them to keep trying or to try something else. They do not stand around and laugh and mock the good effort the brave family member gave. It takes courage to try new things. They should be applauded for that.
If someone in the family has a bad day, the other family members do not try to make their day even worse by saying harsh and terrible things to them. I think when we live in close proximity to others, we know each other's strengths as well as all the weaknesses. We know the hot buttons. Why provoke them and push those buttons? Does that make us feel more powerful?
In a unified family, there is no struggle for somebody to be the most powerful because there is respect for each individual in the home. I will be bold enough to say that I truly believe one reason so many marriages unravel is because the spouses do not respect and value their partners. You do not have to agree with everything somebody does or even like everything they do in order to value them as a human being.
A wise professor once told me that one of the first signs of trouble in a relationship is when one or both partners belittle each other in front of other people. I've often remembered his words as I've heard some of my close friends do that with their own spouses. Yes, the ones that do that are actually unhappy in their relationships. So maybe there is truth to what he said.
I'm sure that in any given football team, they do not all get along with each other 100% of the time. Look how many different personalities are represented.Then you have the pressure to perform in order to get those handsome paychecks and endorsements. Football is very competitive. There is always the new young guns coming up from the college level vying for the positions, so you know they feel pressure.
So how is it that when they get on the field they function as a team? How can they come together, temporarily put aside their personal ambitions and be unified? I think a lot of it has to do with personal mindset. They choose what they want to do. A lot of it has to do with good coaching, but when it all comes down to the line, it is up to the actual players to determine in their heads if they are going to do their part to help the team win.
Even though there may be someone as head of household in your family, it really does come down to each individual family member deciding for themselves how they are going to act and react to other members of the family. This may ouch a little, but it really is not up to the children to set the example for the parents how to treat each other. It truly should be the other way around. You should set the example for them.
When mom and dad are just caught up in a vicious whirlwind of doing their own thing and disrespecting each other, I believe that does a lot of damage to the children involved. Sometimes you may not realize the damage that is being passed on to them until they are older and it is too late to undo the damage.
I don't know about you, but I want to pass on several values to my children. I want them to grow up believing that family is important. I want them to realize that it is possible for two people to truly love and respect each other. Even though my own children have experienced the effects of divorce, I want them to recognize that people can make good choices and actually stay together. History does not have to be repeated.
It is possible to have a peaceful yet thriving family when each family member feels important. Each individual should experience the people they love cheering them on in life. When they fall down, the family gathers together to help pick them back up. The family brushes the fear of failure off their loved ones shoulders and pats them on the back as they get back in the swing of things.
A family is a unit. What kind of team is your family? Are you unified or divided? If you find yourself discouraged over the constant struggle and division in your family, take some comfort in the idea that it doesn't have to stay that way. Lots of football teams have terrible football seasons then come back to have a great winning season. A lot of it has to do with the team players and often times the personnel.
Sometimes the bad players have to get weeded off. When a group of guys finally get together with the same mindset, that it is not about them but about the team, then start winning again. By the way, the Panthers now have a 9-3 record for the season after their 35-31 win over the Packers on Sunday. Not bad if you ask me. There's your proof that things can turn around. Now where did I put that Panther hat.

Something To Be Thankful For

2008-11-25T08:34:00.003-05:00

I wonder if some of the earliest settlers here in America sang a song of thankfulness at some point. Here we are in 2008 and my heart is definitely full of gratitude for everything and everyone around me. It is not always easy to sit down and list things to be thankful for, but if we give ourselves just a few moments of quiet to really ponder the different events of our lives over the last twelve months, I'm sure all of us can find at least one thing to be grateful for.
This last year was such a mix of hard times for our family in dealing with my youngest son's health issues and some of the best times yet. Moving into our new home has to be at the top of my list. Over and over again I witnessed little miracles emerge right before my doubting eyes. Friends may come and go in our lives, but every now and then special ones come along that are well, just special. I am forever grateful for my friends. They make life much more bearable during the hard times and are there to cheer you on. They are there to celebrate the good times and other times they are there, simply because. Some of my closest dearest friends came into my life this last year, and I am most thankful for them. I have been blessed with the most incredible family. First of all, my two sons are the light in my life. I love them dearly and as I reflect on some wonderful memories we made together, I get misty eyed just thinking about it. How many times have we cranked up some music and danced like there's no tomorrow even though not a one of us are the greatest of dancers. How many times have we held each other when one of us has had a bad day.
My mom and dad are still living and as I see them age right before me, I determine in my heart that every single day I get to enjoy them, I will. They have been there for me even more so in my adult years. They are very loving parents with very big hearts. I am very thankful for them and their never ending friendship.
If I were to pen a few thoughts of my thanksgiving this year, it would go something like this:

You've been so good to me
sometimes I can hardly believe
You've walked with me hand in hand
each step of the way
Sometimes You have carried me
when my faith could barely see
where Your love was leading me
but You never let go
You never let go.

And that, my friends, is what I most thankful for.

This Week's Article November 17, 2008

2008-11-17T11:50:00.003-05:00

I did not want to believe it. Was he really dead or was he just sleeping? My oldest son Alex was lying face down on the floor with his arms stretched above his head. My heart began to weep along with the pitiful cries coming out of Alex's audible choked up voice. His beloved pet had died.

I tried everything to bring Spike back to life, but he was already gone. Spike had been a favourite member of our family for seven months. He was such a cute bearded dragon lizard. Even Alex's Nanna who cannot stand to be in close proximity to any reptile succumbed to Spike's cuteness one day and let him crawl on her hand as she pet him.

It took a lot of coaxing and pep talks with Alex last year for him to even consider getting Spike. You see, Alex had lost his first baby lizard just days after bringing it home from the pet store. His first experience with a bearded dragon had been short lived and he cried and cried over that one.

I had tried to convince him to wait and not get that first particular baby dragon because it did not seem very healthy to me and was so small. It was right around the time of his birthday and that little lizard was the exact color he had been looking for. We ended up getting the lizard and much to Alex's dismay we ended up taking him back to the store.

Alex swore up and down he would never buy another bearded dragon lizard again. He figured the next one would simply die as well and he just couldn't bear any more pain in his tender little heart. As mom, I was able to convince him that loving is part of life. We sometimes love a pet. They can be our best friends.

Unfortunately, not every pet will live as long as we do. I have outlived a handful of pets myself, and I loved every one of them. Sometimes we have special people in our lives that we love dearly. Losing them is never easy but letting go is also a part of life we have to deal with sometimes. Some things we just cannot control.

After we did a lot of homework on bearded dragon lizards and shopped around, we found a most healthy young lizard. Alex knew immediately that Spike was going to be his new best friend and he was right.

It took Alex a while to warm up to the idea of having another pet. He was afraid that he would lose this one too, but I am proud to say he overcame that fear. If there was ever a spoiled lizard, Spike was king of being spoiled. I would not advise anyone kissing a lizard but Alex ignored that advice and gave Spike a kiss every day. Fortunately, Alex never came down with salmonella. It's a wonder.

Spike was often hand fed and could not have been more loved than how Alex treated him. Love was not enough, however to keep Spike alive last week. It did not matter that Alex provided a nice environment for Spike. It did not matter that Alex tried everything to bring Spike back to life when he found him lying lifeless in his habitat. It simply was not enough.

Spike had obviously served his purpose here in life and it was time for him to leave us. We had enjoyed every second we could with him. We have pictures and videos and a lot of good memories. Sure it would have been wonderful if Spike could have lived the full life that bearded dragons usually live which is about 8-10 years, but he was only with us less than a year. We loved him as if he was going to be here a lifetime.

It is amazing to me how resilient the human heart is. We have the capacity to love and to love deeply. We can also bear more pain than we think we can. The wounded heart may take time to heal, but time does have a way of healing even the deepest of hurts. It has been a couple of days now since Spike died.

The tears have since dried from Alex's cheeks and eyes even though he still gets misty eyed when talking about Spike. Even though he accepted the fact that his beloved pet had died, he kept him wrapped in soft cloth and under a heat light until he was ready to bury him. I did not dare suggest anything different. I found a letter Alex wrote to God. I will not repeat to you what he wrote because that is obviously between him and God. I will tell you that it made me cry when I read it.

Today is Sunday and today is the burial day. Alex wanted it to be on a special day. He stamped Spike's little lizard paws in ink and made a special document to help remember him. Spike will be buried in a special box chosen by Alex and will be returned to the ground with just as much thought and love as he was given when he was alive. Even in his death Spike is living large.

Alex was talking with me the other day about relationships and life and everything in between. Kids surprise all of us sometimes in how preceptive they can be. My son made a comment that pretty much caught me off guard and punched me right between the eyes. I felt the blow even down in my heart. He basically said, "So mom, me saying I wouldn't want to have another pet because I'm afraid they will just die, is the same as you saying you will never have another serious relationship because you're afraid they will just leave." Can somebody out there please say OUCH!

Pass It On

2008-11-10T16:56:00.005-05:00

There are a few things in life that are extremely contagious and easily spread. Germs and infections love to be passed from one person to another. Have you ever considered the effects of laughter and how quickly it can change the atmosphere of an entire group of people? I started thinking about this after my mother called the other day and left a message on the answering machine.
Out of the clear blue I heard this doll in the background giggling and laughing at the touch of a button. Mom was so excited that she found such a fun noisy Christmas present to give her youngest granddaughter. What is it with you grandparents?
I have to admit all that laughter did make me smile and chuckle to myself. Relief flooded me, however when I realized that I am not the one with the little girl getting this baby doll for Christmas. Isn't my sister in for a treat. The laughing never stops with this doll unless you pull the plug by taking out the batteries.
It is amazing to me how one person's attitude whether it be good or bad can affect a lot of people. This happens in offices and homes, as well as schools and day cares. I have seen one student bully so many children in their classroom that the entire class ends up being mean to each other. It is kind of like a ripple effect.
Maybe you have experienced a co-worker that simply annoys one person after another. It doesn't take much for workers to become disgruntled with each other and before you know it, nobody likes anybody. Work takes on a similarity to the drama back in high school.
I want you to think how this same principal applies to your relationships with your family, friends and loved ones. Isn't it usually a petty little difference between two family members that escalates into arguments? Mom and dad get upset with each other.
They take it out on the kids. The kids take it out on each other. The family pet covers his head because he knows what's coming next. All the meanness will eventually trickle down to them. If only pets could talk but they have to keep everything to themselves. Maybe that is why dogs chase cars. They have a lot of frustration to vent.
I have noticed in my own family how quickly an argument can be put out when one or both people involved simply decide not to participate in the argument. You should try that sometime when your spouse is in the heat of an argument. Just be real quiet for a few minutes. All of a sudden, they will realize they are the only ones raising their voice.
I have also marvelled at the peaceful feeling that comes when everyone in the house really seems focused on getting along and treating each other with respect. One act of kindness, slowly but surely motivates the next person to act accordingly. Problem with most families, however is that everyone is concerned that they will not get their fair share.
They do not want to be the first one to be nice. I think it would benefit your entire family if mom and dad would decide that they are going to be the ones to initiate a better environment. Don't wait for the kids to get their act together. Get yours together. Live by example. Choose to see the good that your loved one is doing.
We all have our faults. No one is perfect. Focus on the positive qualities that you like about that person and place a value on them as a human being. Treat them with the respect you would like to receive yourself.
You might be surprised to see some of the petty differences actually disappear. You might even realize that getting together as a family is actually something to look forward to. Be bold enough to be the first one to show love. After all, love is contagious and may very well be exactly what your family needs right now.
Lighten up. Try not to take everything so seriously. Let go of those petty differences you've been holding on to for so long and enjoy the family you have been blessed with. You will probably realize that laughter has been absent far too long in your family. Wouldn't it be great to have loud harsh voices replaced with lots of laughter and good times?
Someone has to make a conscience effort to change. Once the attitudes of mom and dad change towards each other, the kids will follow in like manner. Now granted, the kids very well may look at each other a few times with a strange bewildered look when they hear mom and dad being nice to each other.
Even the pet dog will breathe a sigh of relief when the children jump on board. To have a family is such a great great blessing. Enjoy every minute you have been given. We never know what waits for us just around the bend of tomorrow. Until next time, have a great week!

Time To Visit the School

2008-11-03T16:56:00.004-05:00

Do you have a son or daughter that is struggling in school this year? Sometimes children do not let on that they are having a hard time with either their school work or even with other kids at school. If their problems go unnoticed and are not dealt with, they very well might be settling in for a very long and stressful year of school. It might be a stressful time for you as well.
Sometimes children's problems will be manifested in chronic illnesses. Just like adults, kids will do almost anything to avoid unpleasant situations. If you notice your child constantly complaining of feeling bad, by all means take them to the doctor and get them medical help.
If their bill of health is good and they continue to just feel bad, check their diet. What are they eating? Certain ingredients in foods can actually affect our moods. Did you know that caffeine not only gives you a jolt of energy but can also bring on tiredness which can feed depression as you are coming off that burst of energy? It might be a good idea to reduce the amount of caffeine your child is drinking.
Foods rich in selenium can actually help your mindset. Examples of these foods are seafood, nuts and seeds, lean cuts of pork, beef, skinless chicken and turkey. Whole grains, beans and low-fat dairy products are also good items to make sure is a part of your child's diet. Of course, fresh fruits and vegetables will not hurt either.
It is all too easy to take the easy way out for dinner, isn't it? When we cook at home we can make healthier items more accessible for our family. My youngest son was diagnosed with Celiac Disease last year and ever since then we have continuously been making healthier changes in our diets as a family. I will be the first to admit there is a difference in the kids when they eat better and keep their caffeine to a minimum.
If a child is having problems in school they may seem withdrawn at times and not as interested in their favorite hobbies as usual. It really is up to you as the parent to know your own child and be observant. Children will not always verbalize when something is not quite right in their world.
Some school age children are self-motivated and need very little help in getting their homework completed. Other kids, however will have every excuse in the book for not completing all of their assignments. They have lost their work in every possible hiding place at home, school and even the playground. It just seems to disappear.
A good question to ask is if their work seems overwhelming to them. Are they grasping what the teacher is going over in class? If a child will not speak up in class when they do not understand something, class will just keep moving on. Let your child know it is ok to speak up and ask questions.
As a parent myself, I have found it very beneficial to schedule random conferences with teachers. That way I am aware of what is going on at school and can better help my two sons. I like to find out if there are any problems going on that I am not aware of.
Maybe you need to schedule a teacher conference. You physically showing up at school serves as a reminder to your child that yes, they will be held accountable for what they do at school. It also goes a long way to show your child that you do care about their world. Don't wait for the teacher to call you. Be pro-active.
As you talk with your child, if you notice they seem to have a lot on their mind, by all means please be their for them. They might open up to you more if you take some time to be quiet for a while and just listen whenever they start talking about what's going on in their world.
It is not a bad idea to provide them with a good counselor to talk to. Even children have stress in their life. You know as well as I do that kids can be cruel and say mean things that hurt. They might just need someone that is not mom or dad to talk to.
If you take the time to really look at all these areas of your child's life when they are having a bad school year, chances are you will help your child rebound and enjoy the rest of their year. I want my children to feel like they can succeed at anything they put their minds to, don't you? Would you not much rather your child have a positive outlook on life and to do well in school?
Of course you do. If you are struggling with your child this school year, do your homework and give them the tools to have a great successful year. You will not only help your child, but you will also reduce stress for the entire family. After all, a family is meant to be enjoyed.

Hard Times Affect All of Us

2008-10-27T15:07:00.005-04:00

North Carolina families are not alone in feeling the growing concerns in an unstable economy. All over the United States people of all social standings are feeling the squeeze on their budgets. If you read the news on any given day of the week, you will also discover that other countries are afraid that their financial structures will plummet and affect their economy as well. Not much seems very certain these days and it can be alarming for some of the hardest working moms and dads, especially when it has already been hard to make ends meet each month.
I have never given much consideration for what socio-economic status society labels each of us. Being rich or being poor does not define you unless you choose to let it do so. Some people feel that being rich would be their personal salvation. If only I were rich I wouldn't have to go through this. If only I didn't have to worry about paying all these bills I wouldn't have stress. If you had all the money in the world, you might be able to afford anything you liked, but there's one thing you could not purchase. You could not buy your way out of the normal realities of life.
Hard times whether it be financial or even an emotional crisis can hit any of us at any time. You can lose everything you have in a day. You can win the lottery in just one day as well. Take singer/actress Jennifer Hudson for example. She is in her prime breaking into the entertainment industry. There is a lot of money in the entertainment industry and she stands a perfect chance to make her share of the fortune. She came short of going all the way and winning big when she competed in season three of American Idol. That was back in 2004.
She went on to win an Oscar for her performance in the 2006 movie Dreamgirls. One would think she had it all. Money, fame, popularity and the ability to take care of herself and her family. Just this last week, Jennifer had to face a most devastating nightmare. She not only lost her mother in what is being speculated as a homicide, but she also lost her brother in the same tragic day. Her nephew has been missing and you can only imagine what the 27 year old Chicago born singer must be going through right now.
All the money in world will not ease her grief. Money and fame could not prevent her from going through this difficult time and they will not help her deal with the pain and move on. It doesn't matter how many awards and accolades she has won over the last several years. The only thing that will pull her through this ordeal is her
faith and her family. She has spoken often of how both of these things have helped keep her grounded in spite of her leap into stardom.
She is no different than you or me. Sure she has sung on stages for thousands of people. Her face has been seen on movie trailers and her name is quickly becoming a familiar name amongst common everyday people. She is going through a really tough time right now and she has to find a way to deal with it. Here we are living in North Carolina and times are tough for many. Some of you are going through really hard times financially and some of you have had your own share of grief this year. It doesn't matter if you live in the hills of Western North Carolina or amongst the plush mansions in Beverly Hills. You have to find some way to pull through the tough times.
Maybe Jennifer Hudson can serve as a reminder that faith and family do matter. You may not have a lot of money in the bank. Your family might be facing some dark days ahead, but at least you have each other. Hold on to that. Hold on to each other and enjoy each moment as if they were your last together and always remember one thing. Family and friends may come and go. Good fortune may always elude you, but faith will always see you through.

Finally Moved!!!

2008-10-20T16:36:00.007-04:00

It feels so good to finally be moved into our new home. The beautiful scenery is all around us no matter which window you look out. A gentle breeze always greets you when you walk outside. It feels great to just sit out on the porch once the sun goes down and soak up the night air. I had no idea just how much work would be involved in the moving and unpacking process.
We are settled in our new home but there are still boxes to go through this week as we are getting ready for the housewarming party some close friends are throwing for us. Several times I almost called off the party as it seems impossible to get everything completed. Many of our friends are looking forward to celebrating the special occasion with us and even marked it on their calendars weeks ago so I guess I will just have to relax a little and go with it.
Not long after we had moved in my sons called me outside to see a beautiful rainbow spread out across the sky right in front of our house. It had not been raining at all that day. There was hardly a cloud in the sky. We haven't seen another rainbow yet but it provided a nice exclamation point on all of our excitement about moving into our new home. I penned a little poem later on that will be printed and given as a gift to the guests coming to the housewarming party. I would like to share it with you as well.

Today I stand in my reality
the days and months I walked alone
you'll never see
the sweat and tears rolling
down my cheeks
you'll never feel
the bitter taste of failure and
defeat
you'll never know
because they were mine
only mine
and not meant for you
to experience
But today
because I persevered
because I chose to
never quit
and I chose to keep believing
determined to survive
determined to succeed
even when I couldn't see
beyond the struggle and the heartache
when faith was all I owned
Today
you can say you have
seen a miracle
a blessing from above
and when you walk away from
my new home
I hope that you will know
there's a beautiful
rainbow of hope to be found
not just for me
but for anyone else
who chooses to
believe.

New Home, New Beginning, New Adventure

2008-07-14T19:51:00.006-04:00

This month I am letting go. I am leaving behind a place I have called home for the last 11 years. We as a family have been going through so much stuff, sorting and organizing, packing and throwing away. Sometimes it seems the more we pack, the more there is to pack. It has also proven to be somewhat of an emotional event when I've least expected it.

Just like when I took a break from helping my son pack up his belongings from his bedroom. It wasn't necessarily a sad memory that made me sit down and release a flood of tears. I think it is the combination of what this move means to us as a family and what this especially means to me as a mother.

After all, I had witnessed my youngest son take his first steps down the narrow hallway leading to our bedrooms. We had celebrated birthdays and stayed up late nights working on science projects. I marked the growth of the boys on a corner of the kitchen.

I have also experienced some of the saddest times of my life right here in this very place. Those were life changing moments. I sat on the side of my children's beds, holding them and comforting them as they realized their dad did not come home as usual that night. I had to explain to them that daddy would not be living here anymore.

We may have had our share of sorrow and even tragedy, but the joyous most memorable times would only be ahead of us. It has definitely be an exciting, eventful journey and we've had a lot of great friends come across our paths along the way. Our porch has been a haven to neighborhood kids wanting to hang out. I've overheard children telling my sons, "I wish I had a mom like yours."

That made me feel good that even though we did not have the biggest, most expensive home in the neighborhood, my children felt as if this was a good place, especially when all of their friends come over. I've broken up fights, nursed scraped knees and even help bandage a few wounded egos.

My oldest son received "the talk" about life and love and things in-between. I watched both of my boys grow up so quickly and mature and work through some of the toughest issues any child would have to deal with. They have come through as strong, confident young men and I am so excited to see what the future has for each of them.

The stories these walls could tell. The laughter and joy that we have shared is indescribable. Sometimes we were faced with hard times and very emotional struggles. Somehow we pulled through and got to this point. I know for me prayer has played a huge factor in dealing with issues head on and becoming a stronger person for it. None of us can get through this life alone or by relying on our own wisdom.

Just this last year we struggled every day as we desperately sought an answer for my youngest son's medical condition. I was afraid of losing my job and even possibly having to move because I had missed so much work. I constantly juggled my schedule to be there for the boys, to meet the demands of my job and to get to the bottom of Eric's serious illness. I thought he was going to die.

Those of you that have serious health problems that have gone undiagnosed for months know what it's like to constantly go to the doctor only to return home with the same pain and frustration. You know what it's like to spend time and money in being your own advocate for your health.

Fortunately for us, we were able to find the diagnosis and the cure. Well, he is not totally cured but his diet has been radically changed for the rest of his life and he will have to have tests done along the way. We can manage that.

Somewhere in the midst of all that chaos, we stumbled on a chance to buy our first home. I knew I had worked relentlessly and sacrificed to establish good credit, yet I feared it would not be enough. The timing felt right as I filled out the loan application. I thought to myself, "What the heck. What can it hurt to try."

I remembered the experience of purchasing my first brand new car last year. I had done my homework. I knew which type of car I wanted down to the color, interior fabric and even the tail-lights. I also knew what I could afford. I had checked out a couple of car lots as well as checked the listings in some newspapers, but I had not seriously begun a search. One night I just drove through a particular car lot and jumped out of my vehicle as I recognized the car that would soon be mine. I just knew it was mine. After all, I had worked so hard to build great credit.

Sure enough, everything fell right into place for me. The manager sure did seem to enjoy seeing me dance with excitement when the deal was complete. I thought that maybe the idea of buying a home would work out for us as well. It wasn't easy getting to this place. At the onset of my divorce back in 2002 I had been handed a bank account $300 in the hole and bills that were months past due. I had not handled the finances up to that point.

In spite of setbacks along the way I persevered and made a plan for our family as best I could. Here we are getting ready to move into our new home peacefully nestled on almost an acre of land. I have been craving to be out in the country where the distant moo from cattle gently tease your ears. Without having to strain your ears you can hear birds singing and there is always a north wind blowing to create the perfect homestead. Yes, I am letting go of my past. I am letting go of renting a home. I am making a huge committment as I also become a proud homeowner.

I realize that I am not losing the memories that we made in our old house. They will always be a part of me. Those memories, both good and bad have served to remind me that a house is not a home until the people move in. It's not about the house. I realize that we have been very blessed with the biggest fresh beginning a family could possibly have.

We will create new memories as we bring our family into this new house. Sure it will be a transition but it will be exciting. It will definitely be emotional. It will be life-changing in many ways. This house will transition over time into a home as we allow our strong, passionate souls to embrace each moment of being a family. Who knows what memories are in store for us. Perhaps the best is yet to come.

I'm sure we will have our share of laughter as well as tears because life has a way of making sure we experience it all. That's what life is about. It is up to us to embrace life as it comes or to cowardly hide and run away. It will be fun entertaining family and friends when they come out for our housewarming party. I want this place to be open and inviting and a peaceful escape for all of my friends. A dear, close friend of mine brought tears to my eyes when they bestowed upon me and my family a wish.

This is what they said. "I wish you years and years of inspiration, happiness and peace at your new homestead. I hope that little hunk of land is sitting on top of a deep fountain of good luck and it pours over you and the boys daily. That’s my wish and prayer." As I let go of a place we once called home, I embrace the adventure that is ready to unfold before us. I look forward to moving into our new home. Until next time, have a great week!

A Great Little Getaway In Saluda, NC

2008-07-07T23:37:00.006-04:00

Between the ever rising costs of gas and food and every other commodity, many families are staying close to home during the summer months this year. I've noticed even fewer campers and RVs on the highways. Here in the mountains of North Carolina we typically see a lot of tourists passing through on our highways especially around the fourth of July. I've seen a few campers here and there but not very many compared to what normally comes through.
It is no wonder with the amount of gas it would take to fill up their motor homes and SUV's. I discovered a really nice place over the weekend which I would like to share with you. I had no idea that Orchard Lake Campground even existed. I was pleasantly surprised to find this place located within a short driving distance.
A good friend of mine from the office invited me and my family to hang out with them there on the fourth of July. Saluda, NC is a quaint little town with a handful of shops to browse on any given afternoon. You might even hear some really good live music at the Purple Onion, which happens to be a very good restaurant with a casual atmosphere. There are several other restaurants to choose from. You will find some good 'ole BBQ right there in Saluda.
If you turn on to Greenville Street and keep going until it turns into Mountain Page Road you will come upon Mine Mountain Road. Take a left there and within a mile you will come to the entrance of Orchard Lake Campground. The narrow but paved road leading to this best kept secret will lazily wind around a few turns before you come to the campground.
They had already had their fourth of July parade when we arrived. Campers had decorated their golf carts and bicycles alike with patriotic bells and whistles and every kind of trimming you could imagine. It wasn't the festive mood that caught my attention. It was the community like atmosphere amongst all the people there.
I surprisingly ran into some old friends of mine who had discovered this hideaway long before me. Apparently they go to Orchard Lake every year on the fourth of July for the fireworks. Saluda fire department puts on a great display of lights. It was especially fun for my two sons. They loved not only getting to see the fireworks up in the sky, which lasted close to an hour, but also getting to see the fireworks being shot off from the ground across the lake.
The fire department had a popcorn stand up and you could purchase a large bag for $1.50 and also buy a cup of lemonade. All for a good cause. The campground had patriotic music playing leading up to the start of the fireworks. Everyone stood and said the pledge of allegiance and the National Anthem was sung after a brief moment of prayer of gratitude for our freedom here in America. We are a blessed nation and that seemed very fitting.
Orchard Lake Campground has a lot of places for you to hook up your camper or even pitch a tent. There is plenty of room. I noticed some campers were even right near the lake. I discovered that many families have opted to just keep their camper parked here for the entire year which makes sense. Less gas expense for them.
If you do not have your own camper or tent, you might like to rent one of their cottages or cabins. You can check out their reasonable rates at their website which is http://www.orchardlakecampground.com/. There is a lot for your family to do at this campground. You can swim in the lake. They have a kiddie section roped off with a slide and there are plenty of life jackets to go around for everyone that needs one no matter which part of the lake you choose to dive in.

There is a large floating slide for you to swim out to, but good luck trying to climb on it. Countless kids kept us sunbathers entertained as they attempted in vain to climb up on the slippery surface. If you would rather go canoeing or even go it alone in a kayak, then shimmy right on over to the deck and get yourself one. If you would rather skirt around the lake in a paddle boat, then by all means hop right on. One is waiting just for you.
Kids thoroughly enjoy the zip line going down the side of a hill. I noticed some really big kids getting on there as well. They appeared to be in their 30's. Hey, if it will hold them, then I'm sure you can take a turn on it too. There are a lot of trails to be discovered on these 50 acres of gently rolling hills and plains if hiking in the great outdoors appeals to you.
Of course, a hot spot for all the youngsters to hang out is the game room where they can pick up a game of pool, table hockey and ping-pong. You can play a round of miniature golf, gather your friends for a volleyball match or just cozy up on the hillside to bathe in the sun. You can rent videos from the office.
This campground is geared towards families so they only allow G or PG rated videos to be played in the rec hall. They do allow alcohol but only on your own camping site. Quiet hours are from 10:30pm - 8am. They also have a skate park area, basketball court and swing sets. You can fish from the main lake and keep your catch or you can attempt to fish from the smaller pond and release your catch if your lucky. We never caught anything but seaweed but perhaps you will have better luck.
This is a privately owned campground and you will find that they pride themselves in having a great place for you and your family to get away without spending a lot of your hard earned money in the process. They offer a day pass at $6 a person which is not bad considering all that you can do in a day at this park. Pack a picnic lunch and gather up the family posse and head on out to Orchard Lake Campground in Saluda, NC one weekend. See for yourself this great little find.
After all, it really doesn't matter how much money a family spends as long as they are spending time together. The drive out to this place alone is a nice little escape from the busy highways and main roads we find ourselves on so often during the work week. I hope you will enjoy Orchard Lake as much as me and my family did, although I realize it wasn't necessarily the campground that made our day special. It was family and friends just getting away and spending some time together. Isn't that what vacation is all about? Who says you have to travel 600 miles to have a good time? Until next time, have a great week!

Lifeskill 101

2008-07-01T00:28:00.002-04:00

All too often parents fall into the trap of trying to keep up with their children's friends. When the newest fad comes out, they are all too quick to plop down the plastic. There's nothing wrong with taking care of your children and making sure they are well clothed, but it is important to remember several things.
Wearing the latest trends in high school will not guarantee your child a college degree a few years on down the road. Having the most expensive pocketbook or the latest video game system will not necessarily help your child grow up to be a responsible adult. Money can get many things in life but it cannot buy happiness. It cannot buy personal success and integrity.
I've often told my boys that I make more money than some parents and not as much as others. Even though we are getting ready to move into our first new home as homeowners, we are not any better than anyone else. If I can teach them to respect other people and to be good communicators and to relate with other people in a meaningful way, then they will go far in life no matter how much money we have or don't have in the bank.
Think about it. If someone can communicate to another human being what it is they need and want in a relationship then they have a decent chance at having a good relationship with someone else. Take that a step further. If they are able to communicate in spite of a disagreement, then they stand an even better chance of having a long-term successful relationship. It is in overcoming obstacles that relationships become stronger.
How do I know that? Because most relationships go sour when either one or both people involved do not communicate. Someone shuts down and gives up instead of working towards a solution. Teaching kids how to be good communicators will also give them good job skills. Most employers like to hire employees that relate well with other people and that also possess strong communication skills.
You do not have to make a lot of money or a fancy home or a brand new vehicle to instill good communication skills into your children. That's the great thing about it. How many things in this day and age can you say are absolutely FREE? Hardly anything. Communication skills is something that can be acquired without going broke. You can teach this in everyday events.
The greatest way to teach anything, of course is by example. If you do not really know how to be an effective communicator, perhaps you should do a little research on your own. It is never too late to learn. Online resources are readily and easily available and absolutely FREE. There are books at the library that could keep you busy for a while.
I will do you all a favor and save you some time and give you a few tips just to get you started. Always keep in mind that the way you can know somebody is really listening to you is whether or not they are looking you in the eyes. They do not necessarily have to be staring you down and freaking you out. Eye contact is something every book and every good article written about effective communication will point out. You've got to have eye contact.
Body language is another important factor. Without going into great detail here as this could be an article on itself, I will briefly tell you how body language can say more in a few seconds what your mouth attempts to say in five minutes. Have you ever noticed someone standing in front of you while you are talking? If their arms are crossed, perhaps you thought they were not very interested in what you had to say. That is because crossed arms sometimes symbolize a lack of interest or anxiety.
If you really want someone to know you are interested in what they are saying you may stand or sit with your hands relaxed and maybe even at your side. Basically, you are doing everything to make this person feel comfortable to continue talking to you. If you are tense, then chances are they will be too. If you are relaxed and easy going, then they will probably pick up on that and be more to carry on a conversation with you.
This is important if you are talking to someone you care about, but it also applies to school and even to jobs and employers. Perhaps we will discuss another time how you can use body language to your benefit in more specific scenarios. I just wanted to get your mind moving in the direction of how body language plays a part in how we communicate with one another.
Tone of voice is another thing. I have told my two sons before that I will always listen to them especially when they want to discuss something in a calm manner. Does this mean that there is never an occasion that would call for someone to react in a very passionate way? No, that is not what I am saying. When two people are discussing something, however, there should be give and take. Two people cannot talk at the same time and both be heard. I think that's what they call arguing.
Listening is probably one of the greatest parts of communication that sadly enough gets the least amount of practice from children and adults alike. Everyone wants to be heard and is all too quick to be thinking about what they want to say next. When that happens, someone will usually get cut off in mid-sentence and thus get offended. That is why so many people struggle with really knowing how to communicate with anyone else. They are good at the talking part, but terrible when it comes to shutting their own mouth and listening to the other person for feedback.
Once the other person has been allowed a chance to share their thoughts, you can turn around and verbally say, "If I understand you correctly, you are saying that you like it when I shut my mouth and actually listen to you." If they say yes, then you have done a good job of listening and exchanging ideas in a meaningful way. You take turns going back and forth like that as long as you are trying to understand each other and move forward with your discussion.
Now I realize that children are not going to want you to sit them down and go over the points I just relayed to you. This is where everyday events come into play. If your children are around you while you are talking to your friends or business associates, try practicing some of the communication skills we talked about. Then you can briefly discuss them later with your children. I've always said that parents are like a life coach for their own children.
Nobody else is really going to take the time to teach your children how to be good communicators in life. This is something that you are very capable of teaching them. It is a life skill they will use for years to come. Teenagers definitely need to know this because many of them are just starting out in the work force during their summer jobs. Take the time to study up on good communication skills whether it be online or through personal study with good self-help books. You've been looking for a good excuse to visit the local bookstore. Now you have one.
If you need some practice yourself when it comes to communicating, how about practicing it on your children. Next time they want to talk to you, stop what you are doing, look them in the eyes and actually listen to what they are saying. Pay attention to their body language and see if you might actually pick up on things you once overlooked. You might be surprised at what they are trying to tell you. They might actually think you're a pretty cool mom and dad. Until next time, have a great week!

Warning! Toxic Relationships

2008-06-16T23:05:00.008-04:00

Everyone has at some time or another found themselves in relationships that were probably not very healthy. Toxic relationships can slowly erode our ability to make smart choices. The next thing you know we find ourselves heading down the wrong path and way off course. How did we get in this big mess? It is all too easy to get off course in life just because we have let the wrong type of friends get close to us.
Sometimes toxic relationships exist within your own family. Those are the hardest ones to deal with because naturally you care for them and love them. It is hard to understand why they would choose to hurt you over and over again with their words and actions. Often times they may turn right around and say they are just teasing or being sarcastic. That does not lessen the wounds their words or physical blows leave behind.
It is important to recognize toxic relationships. If you find yourself continuously picking bad friends or dating partners there just might be a pattern that keeps playing out in your life that you could very well change. After all, you cannot change other people. You can change your own outlook and therefore your own choices and from there your destiny in life.
Let's briefly look at relationships. I am specifically talking about friendships here but the same can be applied to other relationships as well. It has been said that in order to recognize counterfeit money officials spend most of their time studying the real deal. With that being said, let's look at some characteristics of a healthy relationship.
What is a healthy relationship? First of all, there is mutual respect as human beings. A healthy friend will value and respect your differences. They allow you to set personal boundaries. They should also have personal boundaries. Everyone has a line that should not be crossed. A personal boundary is a line drawn of what we will allow and what we will not accept. It also represents what makes us feel comfortable and safe.
Anyone who values you as a person will also speak words of kindness to you. We live in a society that typically promotes everyone to look out for themselves.It is necessary to take care of your family and make sure your needs are met. That is no excuse however for someone to speak words of meanness to you or put you down as a person. When someone speaks kindly, that means they genuinely care about other people. It is not a sign of being weak by any means. This goes for men and women alike.
You typically will feel good about yourself when you are around people with a healthy outlook on life. They are not responsible for your happiness. You should remember that and also realize you cannot make them totally happy either. I take note of people that I meet everyday. I notice how other people react to them as well as my reaction to them. If their attitude turns people away from them rather than draw them closer, chances are they are not somebody I would like to be close friends with.
A good relationship involves someone that does not expect you to give more of yourself than you are willing to give. They are not manipulative for their own gain. Again they will respect your personal boundaries. Not only that but they will not puff up and get mad just because you are not where they think you should be in life.
Family members are the worst ones of putting you on a guilt trip for not doing what they think you should do. They do not have the same life's plan as you do.
Just because everyone in the family thinks that when "Bobby" has a crisis everyone should drop whatever they are doing and rescue him, you do not have to spend your life trying to rescue all of the family. You need to survive as well and get on your own two feet. You have a family to take care of.
A healthy friendship allows you to enjoy honesty with each other. I have had some very good friends who spoke words of truth to me when I couldn't see the forest for the trees. A true friend does not always tell us exactly what we want to hear. That is because they care about us. It is a good thing to listen to another person's perspective to see if their advice has merit. They very well might see something important you overlooked.
Toxic relationships seem to have at least one thing in common. You might find whoever you are involved with lying to you over and over again. If that is the case, stop and see that for what it is. If someone truly cares about you, they will not bend the truth and lie to you like that. As long as you continue to believe their lies and allow them to lie to you, it will never end.
You will feel the support and encouragement to reach your personal goals when you are involved in a healthy relationship. It is not about anyone in the relationship abandoning their own dreams and goals. It is about cheering each other on to be all that you can be. They want you to be the best. They want you to reach your best potential. They want you to pursue finishing school if that is important to you. They want you to pursue those dreams.
Toxic relationships will pull you down and even away from your own family and friends. It is not healthy to alienate yourself from other friends and especially not your family unless a toxic issue applies there. Anyone who values you and wants the best for you will support you in maintaining healthy relationships with your family. If someone is extremely possessive with you, you might want to reconsider that relationship.
It is important to choose good friends and relationships because, let's face it, we get through this life with each other's help. Toxic relationships tend to be one sided and do not really help us in a positive way. They drag us down. They are selfish and looking out for themselves regardless of who gets hurt. If you find yourself asking whether or not you are in a toxic relationship, a good rule of thumb is to ask yourself if it resembles the healthy characteristics we just mentioned today. If not, chances are you are involved in some kind of toxic relationship.
Toxic relationships will only take us further away from our personal goals and a meaningful happy life. I would like to use a small sailboat as a personal illustration. You and your family are in this little boat. When you allow toxic relationships into your life, you are basically handing the oars to the toxic friends and letting them control wherever this boat takes you in life. Maybe you will find your purpose in life and be successful in spite of sailing all over the place with no real
direction. Chances are you will find yourself way off course in life and wondering what in the world happened.
How did you get so far away from what you truly want out of life. By carefully choosing your friends and relationships, setting personal boundaries and separating yourself from toxic relationships, you are in fact taking the oars of your sailboat into your own hands. That little boat will go wherever you want it to go as long as you steer it yourself. It is your life, your heart and your purpose that we are talking about here. Why let someone else who doesn't have your best interests at heart determine where you end up in life? That should mean something to you. I hope you will take some time to honestly look at your personal relationships this week. Until next time!

Father's Day (Just Another Day)

2008-06-09T23:28:00.003-04:00

It was only a couple of months ago that gift shops and department stores were pushing Mother's Day greeting cards and specialty gifts. Father's Day is approaching this coming weekend. We always hear about honouring our parents on these special occasions. Today I want to speak directly to the children, specifically those already grown that have not had a strong father's influence on their life.
I've known individuals who even hate to see Father's Day marked on their calendars. Dad was either non-existent in their life literally, or he was non-existent emotionally even though he lived in the same house during those growing up years. Many fathers believe they are doing their duty by working hard and providing a good life for their family. It is commendable to provide for your own but if the cost of working a 60 hour week results in your kids hardly knowing who you are, then the benefits might not be all that great.
Over and over again I have spoken with adults who resented their father's job. Sure they enjoyed all the nice things they had to play with while growing up. They enjoyed the nice home with the swimming pool. There always seemed to be something missing though. Dad seemed almost invisible. There was always business meetings to attend.
There was always somebody on the other end of the phone. He couldn't miss a phone call. There are not enough fingers on both hands to count the times the children were interrupted when speaking because something more important needed attention.
I have also spoken with adults who wish their father would have been more motivated to even stick with a job regardless of what that job would be. The family constantly lived from paycheck to paycheck and sometimes not even that. Dad seemed self-absorbed in whatever he was interested in at that time. If he got upset with his boss, he would simply quit. How did he think the family would survive? Children are not supposed to take care of themselves. They are kids, but in order to even have anything, they started working at a young age and barely gave college a passing thought. It was all they could do to survive.
I have spoken with many individuals who wish their dad could have given them just a pat on the back every now and then. Forget hearing I'm proud of you. Just a simple pat on the back would have sufficed. Dad was somehow unaware that his child wanted to feel the strength of his hands in a loving way rather than a push away. How many times had they come up to dad to get his attention and he acted indifferent and even brushed them off as if his own children were an inconvenience.
Many tormented minds still struggle with their innocence lost to someone they knew and trusted. Someone they called dad. Yes, Father's Day is hard for many people. Dads have this huge potential inside themselves to make such a huge impact on their children. Mothers are instinctively nurturing. I should say mothers are for the most part instinctively nurturing. These days I wonder with all the stories we read about parents doing such vicious things to their own flesh and blood.
If you grew up without a strong father's influence, I have some words specifically for you today. I hope you will take this to heart and that it will help you in some way. Often times we've heard that life is simply not fair. That seems to be the catch phrase when circumstances seem less than rosy. It is sad that you had to grow up without acceptance or attention from your dad. He may have meant well in providing a large life for you. If he were the opposite extreme and could not keep a job for very long, then he was obviously lacking a strong work ethic. It does not mean that he absolutely did not care for you.
It is not always easy for men to tap into that sentimental side which they do possess. It is just as difficult for some of them to express just how much their families mean to them. It is healthy, however for dad's to do that. Children need to know that dad loves them and that they are important to him. Gifts, money and fancy homes do not say that. Time, unconditional acceptance and devoted attention do.
Even with both parents working these days, men typically feel the brunt of the weight of providing for the family. It is all too easy to get caught up in working more and more thinking that the quicker you make the money, the sooner you can slow down and enjoy the family. It is a constant juggling act. Some people seem to balance it better than others.
We cannot go back and change the way dad raised us. The effects might remain but we can take an honest look at the growing up years, learn what we can from it and improve on what we've come to know. I have found that with all dad's, the good and the bad, that if we look hard enough we can find at least one good quality in each of them. It may not be related to how they raised us, but surely they have something good about them.
They are part of who we are. We were born with their genes in us. That does not mean that we keep attempting to change them and make them into the father figure we wish they could be or even that they should have been a long time ago. Some relationships are simply toxic no matter what our ages. There comes a time when we are faced with a choice. Do I continue trying to please dad. Do I keep making excuses for him and act as if his actions have never bothered me. Or do I simply choose to live a meaningful life whether or not I have their genuine love and support.
Often times true father figures rise up and come into our lives that are not even blood related or kin to us. They have chosen to give of their time and their hearts simply because they care and they want the best for us. When that happens, if you are lucky to experience that you should embrace the fact that you can have a type of family connection even though it was not your birth father.
Just because your father did not live up to your expectations of what a father should be, that does not mean you should live beneath your potential. When it's all said and done, your own life is all about personal choices. You can overcome. You can be and do and live the life you've always wanted if you want to. Instead of seeking dad's approval, do it because you care and you want to make a better life for yourself and your own family.
This Father's Day, I hope you will be able to find something you can appreciate about your dad. You can do whatever you want to. You can even ignore the very date if you so choose. I personally believe that every human being has worth and even if your dad hurt you very deeply in the past, the best Father's Day gift you could give him would be the gift of forgiveness. Many a dad has watched their children grow up all too quickly. Later on, the dad's find themselves regretting all those missed opportunities to tell his own flesh and blood just how much they mean to him. If only he could find a way to tell them now. If only they knew. Until next time, have a great week!

Acquaintances, Friendships & Forever

2008-06-02T18:29:00.006-04:00

There's something to be said about friendships. The most unlikely people often become our closest friends when we give them a chance. Special bonds often times surprise us when we least expect it. Then there are those friendships that defy explanation or reason. They are just there as if they surfaced from the beginning of time. Chances are if we were to stop and try to figure out the how and when we became best friends, we would probably just tell you we just hit it off from the beginning and have evolved into best friends.
I have several close friends who are very special to me. Basically, they are friends for life. It has been said that every human being will be able to count on one hand their closest friends throughout the entire course of their life. To have more than one at the same time means the world to me because I know I will always have someone I can count on. They know I have their backs as well. That's what friends are for.
Last weekend one of my best friends reached a milestone in her life as her only daughter graduated from high school. I wouldn't have missed the ceremony for anything because it meant everything to my friend to have me there. We sat together and shared a memory that will be with us forever. She had been a single mother some years before meeting a wonderful loving husband who also took her daughter in back during the elementary school years. He loved the daughter as though she were his own.
This mother had been there for her daughter through thick and thin. Because of her support, her daughter will be able to go to college on a sports scholarship. My friend has sacrificed a lot of her own personal life to take her daughter to sporting events and training camps to make her a better athlete. I see my friend's tender heart through the eyes of her daughter and I have faith that she will also survive whatever life brings her way.
Even though I am not blood related, a film of tears covered my eyes as I stood with my friend to celebrate her daughter's walk down the aisle. I was reminded of how quickly our children grow up. We may have them for a while, but eventually they move out and emerge into society with whatever life's resources we have given them. I also recognized the difficult transition my friend was getting ready to face. We had already spoken of the very issue many times before graduation day.
If ever a true friend were needed, it would be during a major transition of life. Now that school events have ceased and there's not all this running around to do that is centered around her child, my friend finds herself at a crossroad of finding new meaning for herself and her spouse. Graduation weekend brought a whirlwind of activities that somehow helped my friend remain calm and focused enough to actually enjoy the main event. After the graduation services, she had planned a fabulous after-party for her daughter and all their close friends.
All the preparation ahead of time kept my friend's mind off of the realization that her baby girl was leaving home and emerging as an adult. I think it was a great idea for her to surround herself with so many wonderful friends and family. Not only did we get to be part of the celebration, but we were allowed close enough to help shoulder the initial part of her transition. We all knew this would be difficult for her as she has such a close relationship with her daughter. After the party, I met back up with my friend and her family at her house. We sat out on the patio until it was dark simply enjoying some drinks and each other's company. I met her sister for the first time as well as a long-time friend of hers that came in for the graduation. Her mother also joined us outside. Here sat five women. Everybody knew somebody there but we were all meeting somebody new for the first time as well. I recognized in that moment just how important it is for us to not only nurture the close friendships we have but to embrace new ones as they present themselves.
We can never have too many friends in this life. It is always great to meet new people. They have life's experiences that are different from mine and yours.They may even find our lives to be interesting simply because it is different from their personal journey. As we share and listen and learn from each other, we can realize that people are basically the same. Everyone wants to love and to be loved. Everyone struggles along the way with trusting other people. We all have personal fears. Everyone has experienced failure at some point in their life just as they have experienced moments of success. All of us have had our share of embarrassing moments. So when it comes to meeting new people, it shouldn't be something we shy away from, but rather that we embrace. Meeting new friends makes life that much colourful and enjoyable along the way. As a good friend of mine once told me, people come into our lives for different reasons. They may end up being just friends. They may end up being nothing more than an acquaintance passing through. Then others may be part of our lives forever. Until next time, have a great week!

S.O.S Marriage In Distress!!!

2008-05-05T21:14:00.004-04:00

LOST: FAMILY PET! REWARD GIVEN! I have seen these posters all throughout my community over the last several weeks. These are not just small posters. We are talking giant poster board notices securely attached to stop signs. Bright pink fliers have been strapped to mailboxes for miles on end. One of those neon-colored over sized posters stares at me each day when I leave home for work. This missing pet's owners must desperately want him back.
They are willing to go to certain extremes to find him. They even had digital pictures enlarged to fit on each poster. If someone has picked up their pet, then certainly they must have a guilty conscience with all these desperate measures taken in the community.
I wish I could personally find their pet and return it to their waiting arms. I am keenly aware that this family wants their pet back more than anything else at this time in their lives. The sleep they must be losing. The tears they must have shed and the prayers they must have offered up.
The whole idea of this family losing their beloved family pet, along with their compelling efforts to get their pet back reminds me of marriages that are falling apart. Often times prior to the dissolution of a marriage, the partners take turns trying to make it work. It can be so frustrating when it seems you rarely get on the same page with a common desire to have a great relationship together. I do not know of anyone that would actually want a bad relationship. Do you? Probably not.
Along the way though, couples find themselves in relationships that seem hopeless. They no longer try because after all, the once thriving relationship has been ravaged by repetitive arguments that have gone on for years. The emotional wounds that each person carries in their heart run deep. At one point, even though they argued a lot, they were at least talking to some degree. Now they know only isolation, loneliness and a mindset that this is the best life has to offer.
Sometimes, the lucky ones are able to find a way to re-connect with each other and reclaim their marriage. Those are the ones, in my opinion where at least one of the marriage partners got desperate. They were willing to verbalize to their disconnected spouse that they were not content for a miserable marriage. They wanted more. They wanted to be happy, to feel loved and appreciated and to be able to give love in a meaningful way. They set out to be a better marriage partner whether or not their spouse reciprocated.
They put up those metaphorical signs of desperation, LOST: MY MARRIAGE! HELP ME GET IT BACK! They try their best to reach out to their spouse to ensure they do not quit and go their separate ways. They remind their spouse of the love they once knew. I do not know what's worse, being alone in this life or being alienated in the confines of a marriage. I've been in both situations and I have come to the conclusion it is much easier to just be alone.
The spouse most desiring to save their marriage will spend time praying about it. If anybody can fix a relationship, surely God can. States and nations have prayed when they have experienced a time of crisis. After 9-11, strangers met in churches and synagogues and temples to pray because that was the only thing they could do. They felt helpless. If your marriage is in distress, maybe you should pray as well.
One of two things will happen. Either your spouse will change their mind and get back on track in the relationship or they will pull further away from you. Either the marriage will move forward in a positive way, or it will simply dissolve. It can't hurt to try. When you are desperate, you are willing to try most anything. This is a time when a lot of spouses holding on simply by a prayer find themselves even willing to listen to a clergy or counselor. They are talking to friends, co-workers, anybody who will listen as they gather ideas on how to resolve their dilemma. Problems between troubled spouses did not abruptly appear. They slowly crept into the everyday affairs of the two people once so in love.
When they said their wedding vows, they never dreamt it would come to this. It is saddening and it is sickening to realize that the dream you had of spending the rest of your life with this person is eroding away and being replaced with the prospects of seriously discussing the reality of a divorce. More and more you entertain the idea of divorce as an option.
Several weeks have passed since the family in my neighborhood has flooded our roadsigns with those huge posters. You might think they would have given up, but even more fliers are turning up everywhere this week as well. They are obviously not willing to throw in the towel just yet. When it is all said and done, they will have done everything that is possible within their means. They will have spent lots of time, energy and concentrated focus on finding their lost pet. If they do not find their pet after all of these efforts, then life will eventually move on for them as it always does for each of us. It will only be that much easier knowing they did everything they could.
There is a chance though that someone might recognize this missing pet sitting on Granny's front porch or sleeping in neighbor Joe's backyard. Maybe that person will find a way to return it to it's rightful owners and family. Imagine how ecstatic that family will be to find what was precious to them. That pet has value to them. It may not have value to you because it is not your pet. Your marriage will not be of value to anyone else as much as it will be to you. If you want to save your marriage and are tired of a dead-end relationship, then you are going to have to get desperate. You are going to have to be desperate in several ways actually.
1. Desperately honest with yourself that your marriage needs help.
2. Be aware that no matter how hard you try to work on your marriage, you cannot change your spouse. You can only change your outlook on the relationship.
3. Understand that it might not be easy for your spouse to accept your new way of thinking when you have participated in the disagreements and arguments all this time.
4. Realize that you very well could have hurt your spouse deeply just as much as they have hurt you.
5. Be willing to own up to that and ask for forgiveness.
6. Move forward with your actions in trying to be a better spouse and friend. If need be, seek out professional help and reading materials for ideas. Make yourself available to your spouse.
7. Give it time and be patient and remind yourself of steps 1-7 as needed.
Only time will tell if your spouse will respond and grab hold of the idea that it is possible to reclaim that wonderful, passionate relationship you once knew. Maybe your relationship has never really been that great so taking it to the next level of intimacy is something you desperately want and are willing to go the distance to find.
I cannot guarantee that your marriage will not end up in divorce. I do know you have just as much chance for a successful marriage as the next couple. There's nothing magic about a couple choosing to respect each other as human beings. It is not too hard to place value on each other and to treat each other with kindness in spite of past arguments. Love is a choice. We are the ones that make it hard. We choose to remember and replay all those nasty comments our spouse said to us.
You owe it to yourself and your family to give your marriage everything you have. If your spouse chooses to not come with you on this personal journey, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. It's their loss. They will be the ones missing out on a great relationship. If they decide they want out of the marriage after you've done all you can do, you can have a clear conscience and move on. There's always a chance though that your actions very well may spark something in the heart of your spouse as they recognize your passionate cry to reclaim your marriage. Your efforts would not have been in vain. Until next time, have a great week!

Simple Little Words - Interview With Author, Michelle Cox

2008-04-28T17:36:00.015-04:00

Western North Carolina is home to many aspiring artists, musicians and even authors. Michelle Cox is one of those and she has written a book titled Simple Little Words: What You Say Can Change A Life. (published by Honor Books, an imprint of David C. Cook Publishing)
Michelle is busy with promotional trips and interviews but she was kind enough to share a few moments from her hectic schedule of travel to let us know about her book. She has several booksignings coming up this weekend in Asheville, NC and would love to meet you.

PWP:
Michelle, you have several booksignings this coming weekend for your new book titled Simple Little Words: What You Say Can Change A Life. Congratulations by the way in getting this published. This is actually not the first book you have written. Tell us what else has been published.
Michelle Cox:
Mothers Who Made a Difference was my first book by David C. Cook Publishing. In addition, I have written greeting card text, write frequently for Focus on the Family Magazine (and have been published in five of their other publications) and have also compiled three cookbooks as gifts to welcome my daughters-in-law to our family. The newest cookbook, Kella's Kitchen, has just released.

PWP:
How was your first book received?
Michelle Cox:
Mothers Who Made a Difference has just gone into a second printing. The book is listed as one of their nonfiction core bestsellers in the 2008 David C. Cook summer catalog. Content from the book was featured in my interview with Focus on the Family's Weekend Magazine radio program and segments taken from the book will be part of a DVD small group curriculum on parenting to be released by Focus on the Family. An adapted excerpt is in the May issue of Focus on the Family Magazine.

PWP:
Some people might not know this, but you are from right here in WNC. How long have you lived here in the mountains of North Carolina?
Michelle Cox:
My mountain roots run deep. I was six when my mom and I moved to this area but our family has lived in WNC for many generations.

PWP:
You have a coauthor that worked with you on this project. Who is that and how did you come together on this particular work?
Michelle Cox:
John Perrodin is a wonderful friend and my co-author for Simple Little Words. We met at a conference several years ago and have worked together on a number of different projects since then. John works as research and writing assistant for Jerry B. Jenkins (best-selling author of the Left Behind series) and he has co-authored several young adult books with Jerry. Prior to working for Mr. Jenkins, John served as personal writer for Dr. James Dobson.

PWP:
The first thing that caught my attention about your book was the title you chose. Simple Little Words: What You Say Can Change a Life. Words are a powerful thing. Has your life been changed in some way by words someone spoke to you?
Michelle Cox:
My sister's death, the breakup of our home, and some unresolved health issues left my mother in an emotionally fragile state. I was the recipient of her pain and I believed the hurtful words she hurled at me. I had no self confidence, no self esteem. When I was in fifth grade, my class went on a field trip. Mrs. Fincannon drove that day and I was assigned to her car. I sat beside her in the front seat. She looked at me and said, "You have the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen." To her, they were ten simple little words, but to a child who needed to hear that there was something of beauty about her, they were life-changing. That story was the inspiration for Simple Little Words.

PWP:
What I love about your book is that you show us how our words can affect other people in just about every possible type of situation. You speak about self-esteem, jealousy, siblings, friendship, relationships and even stepparenting.You cover so many areas that we sometimes forget the impact we can have.You are a mother as well as a wife, Michelle. How can words influence our children and even our marriage?
Michelle Cox:
Sometimes we forget that our words might be remembered forever. Even the tone of our words can affect our loved ones. Try an experiment. Say something positive to your spouse or child. Watch their body language as you say the words. I can promise they won't become angry when you're pouring love and affirmation into their emotional well.

PWP:
You obviously put a lot of time and thought into Simple Little Words because you have so many contributing stories, including some from well known people. Please share with us some of the people who offered stories for your book.
Michelle Cox:
There are some amazing heart-tugging stories in Simple Little Words and we are grateful to those who took time to share their experiences with us. The people who endorsed the book warn people to have a tissue ready when they read Simple Little Words. I know I cry every time I read the book! We have stories from many everyday people and from some well known names like Karen Kingsbury (best-selling author), Truett Cathy (founder and CEO of Chick-fil-a), Jim Daly (President and CEO of Focus on the Family), Ken Wales (Hollywood producer of Amazing Grace), McNair Wilson (former Disney Imagineer), and many more.

PWP:
Some of our readers are meeting you for the first time. Many of them are mothers, just like you and myself. Mother's Day is right around the corner. Is there anything you would like to share with us that might offer some encouragement to our readers?
Michelle Cox:
This question is particularly poignant to me since my youngest son is getting married in just a few days. Children grow up way too fast. Have fun. Make memories. Instill character. Take advantage of every moment with those precious little ones. And don't forget to say those simple little words that will remind them that they are loved and valued.

PWP:
Your book is available at several bookstores in our area. Please tell us about that and also about your upcoming booksignings. These are perfect Mother's Day gifts so I want our readers to know about this opportunity.
Michelle Cox:
I'd love to meet you. Please visit with me this weekend at Family Christian and Barnes & Noble in Asheville. I'll have chocolate! And I'll be signing copies of Simple Little Words and Mothers Who Made a Difference. Those who purchase a book can register for a drawing of a gift basket filled with books and other goodies. Copies of Kella's Kitchen and Keepsake Recipes from Family & Friends will also be available. For additional information about the books, visit our website at http://www.simplelittlewords.com

PWP:
Thank you so much for spending time with us and letting us know about your book, Michelle. I hope many of our readers will come out this weekend to meet you and purchase their own copy of Simple Little Words. Actually they should get two copies; one to read and one to give as a gift. Don't forget, everyone. You have several opportunities to meet this local author and get your book signed.

Michelle Cox will be at Family Christian Bookstore (Asheville) from 11:00-2:00 on Saturday, May 3. Barnes & Noble (Asheville) from 1:00-3:00 on Sunday,May 4.

Michelle will also be a guest on The Harvest Show on Friday, May 9. The show airs at 9:00 AM, 10:00 PM, and 2:00 AM. This international television program airs locally on DirecTV channel 367 or the program can be viewed on http://www.lesea.com and http://www.simplelittlewords.com

Play...Not Just A Squirrel's Game

2008-04-22T00:25:00.008-04:00

How do couples that have been together for years keep the flame alive and exciting between them? They are always easy to spot in the mall,walking hand in hand or having their arms interwined around each other. Unfortunately, you typically will not find a lot of couples seemingly happy to be spending time together these days. Maybe that's why the happy ones are easy to spot. I've always been curious how some couples seem just as much in love with each other 15 years after they first met and how other couples seem so distant and removed from each other.
No doubt, children know when mom and dad are happy and passionate about each other just as much as they notice the marital conflict. Just because you are parents now does not mean you should be oblivious to your partner and neglect to nurture that relationship. All too often I hear couples talk about the empty nest syndrome and how they feel about their relationships once the children are grown and gone. Unless you have taken time to actually enjoy each other's company along the way, you might have a difficult time recapturing that. Being lonely in a relationship is not a pleasant thing as many of you know.
I noticed two fiesty squirrels scampering around in my yard the other day and I thought to myself, now why is it so difficult for couples to be playful with each other like that. The squirrels were not fighting over who buried the biggest acorn. No. They were chasing each other and playfully bumping into each other. They were happy and oblivious to any other concern other than playing hopscotch together and knocking each other out of the way. They could have cared less that they had an audience of me.
Couples are a little bit different of course from furry little animals. Squirrels do not have to get up every day and go to work and feel the pressures of providing for their babies. They do not have to wince every time they stop at the gas station and realize that gas prices once again have dipped into their wallets. They do not return home at the end of the day tired with all the busyness that life has happily provided.
Squirrels do not have to actually talk and interact with another human being as couples do. So how is it that they provide a great illustration for you and and for me in our relationships. Think about it this way. Squirrels are a focused little species. They quickly do their job of gathering nuts and acorns. I have seen squirrels carry the largest nuts in their teeth and dig furiously to bury it before the next squirrel comes along to steal their harvest.
So when it is time to be hard workers, you can count on them to show up for work. All of us human beings have to work to provide for our own as well. When it's work time, we should devote our time to that endeavor. Put your passion and energy into doing a great job. That in itself is an example of love for your family. When you return home however, they still need to know they are just as important as your job.
You may be a stay at home mother. That is your little empire. Manage your environment, your family's castle to the best of your ability. While your husband is out working hard for your family, your love for him comes shining through when he returns home and it seems as if you have been productive throughout the day. It makes him feel it's worth all that hard work and energy that he gives away to his employer when he would much rather be spending his time with you. Each of you should be pulling your share of the load.
Think back to a time before you got married. What kind of characteristics did you show as a couple? Were you affectionate with each other? Did you playfully tease each other? I'm sure you made lots of eye contact back then didn't you. If that drew you to each other back when, why would it not work today? Why do you think it is so hard to let each other know you still want their attention?
It is true. We do have a lot of pressures these days on moms and dads. All of us can relate to that. It is still up to us however, to discover ways of having a fulfilling relationship in the midst of other responsiblities. I'm here to tell you today that it is not that complicated. Ask any couple that is just as in love today as they were 15 years ago and I guarantee you that they will all confess that they have not always felt this madly in love fuzzy stuff.
They are like the rest of us. They have bad days. They have financial obligations. They face life problems that must be dealt with. Sometimes they might not even want to be around their partner for a while. They just might need some personal space. What sets them apart is that not only do they respect their partner as a human being, they work together as a team and are there for each other. They value what each person brings to the relationship. One might do very well with their job. They other one might have other strengths.
I think it's important to remember what got you together to begin with. I smile whenever I hear of a newlywed couple and they are talking about how they are basically living on love. Not a lot of money in the bank. Maybe living from paycheck to paycheck. They sometimes share one vehicle between them which requires them to be constantly communicating and juggling their schedules for each other. They have a common goal. They want to be together.
Working long hours at their job and taking care of things at home only brings them right back to where they are happiest. That is being with each other. Their job is only a means to give them a life together. Sometimes we forget so easily why we even work and the job becomes our main life, our priority. Everything else functions around it.
I honestly believe that if couples tried to be a little bit more relaxed with each other, and if they tried to incorporate some playful behaviour in their daily lifestyle with each other, they might actually like each other. They might actually enjoy spending time together. Isn't that how you were when you first met? You couldn't stay away from each other for long periods of time.
Have you forgotten how to be playful and flirtatious? Maybe it's time you take a little excursion to the local park and watch the youngsters playfully carry on with each other. It's really not that complicated if you stop and think about it. I'm sure you can figure it out. Being a little flirtatious is downright fun. You should try it sometime on your spouse and see if they do not respond. Of course, you've gone so long without flirting that they might not even recognize it, so don't give up on the first try. Have fun, and until next time, have a great week!

What An Honor!

2008-04-09T22:49:00.004-04:00

My youngest son surprised me with an impromptu comment as we crossed a parking lot today. His words made me smile then, and just thinking about his sweet expression makes me smile even now. We were walking arm in arm, happy-go-lucky just enjoying the beautiful weather outside. He said, "You know what makes me happy? I'm so glad I look like you!" I was taken back because most kids do not even want to look like mom or dad. At least they act as if they don't.
Eric and I do favor quite a bit but that was so sweet of him to actually think that is a good thing. He made his mom happy. Yes, he did. As I was riding home I thought more about what he said. I wasn't reveling in his confession. I was thinking beyond that. He was actually describing our outward, physical appearance. There is no denying that he is my son. I wonder if he would be happy if he were like me on the inside.
Children pick up our habits and end up perfecting them as adults until the habits are part of themselves as well. If we are quick to get angry and fly offthe handle at the smallest little thing, would they not learn to react like that as well? If we are always impatient with everyone in the grocery store as if we have a right to check out quicker than the next customer, will our children not grow up demanding their own red carpet with every run to the store?
How about respecting authority? Do our children hear us put down our bosses and co-workers every day at home? Do we talk down to our spouses or constantly growl about our in-laws? Do we complain about what is required of us as parents in regards to raising our children? Are they more of an inconvienance rather than a source of enjoyment?
Children have to be about the most observant beings on this planet. They are always listening. Always. They somehow know how to read body language before they even know how to spell it. My oldest son taught me this years ago when he was but a toddler. I had his baby brother on my hip. I was being a mother taking care of at least three things simultaneously. Alex was talking, trying his best to tell me something important. Everything is important to a toddler.
He could have been wanting to tell me he saw Elmo on TV, but it was exciting to him and he wanted me to know it. I was listening even thoughI was folding clothes and picking up toys and holding his baby brother on my hip. Apparently that wasn't good enough. He could not see my face. He thought I was not listening. I stopped what I was doing when I realized he had stopped talking and had begun pulling my shirt halfway towards my knees.
He got my attention then but he wanted to drive it home that my body language told him I was not getting it and that I was not really listening. He practically pulled me down to his level, grabbed me by my cheeks and looked me squarely in the eyes. Then he proceeded to tell me his wonderful bit of information. I never forgot that.
If you think your children do not notice you keeping your cool when it would be all too easy and exhilirating to fly off the handle, you are wrong. They notice other people around you just as much as they notice you and they will see the difference if you step up to the plate and treat your family and neighbors with respect. Too many people these days are always reacting to what other people do to them.
You cannot control what other people do. You can share your opinion with them. You might even influence them to change their mind, but ultimately you can only control what you choose to do each and every day. Being a parent is much more than bringing a child into this world. You are their caregiver and provider but you are also their teacher in life about what kind of human being to become as they mature. Whether you realize it or not, it's largely not based on what you tell them with your mouth. It's how you live your life day in and day out.
I'm going to try to be more aware of my attitudes and my actions around my kids. Perhaps you too will challenge yourself to this endeavor. Let's try to be more patient with each other and even with ourselves. Spend more energy speaking kindly to those around you rather than complaining and talking bad of others. Treat your spouse with the utmost respect and actually try to listen with your eyes as well as your ears. Maybe at the end of the day our children will surprise us and say that they want to be just like us when they grow up. Imagine that. Until next time, have a great week!

2008-03-10T00:35:00.005-04:00

Savannah, GA has become quite famous beyond the plantation homesteads and weeping willow trees that shade the warm Southern streets and sidewalks. It is arguably due to the rise in popularity and affection for Savannah's own Paula Deen. Almost everyone recognizes Paula Deen's name and face.
In case you are oblivious to the hoopla about Paula Deen, here are a few interesting facts to bring you up to date. Paula became a single mother while her two sons were teenagers. Like many single mothers, she started over from scratch. It's been published that she only had $200 to start her new life with. She had been a homemaker as well as a banker.
Naturally a good Southern cook, she decided to start a small catering company which she called The Bag Lady. She made sandwiches and various meals and her sons were her delivery boys. She made it into a family business. Apparently, her food was incredibly good and her Southern charm a blessing because not only did she have more business than she could handle, she evolved into one of the most powerful celebrities according to Forbes magazine.
Her estimated worth last year is to the tune of $4 million. She has her own famous restaurant, The Lady and Sons, which is nestled in downtown Savannah, GA. She also has her own popular TV show, Paula's Home Cooking. In addition to all that, she's even thrown in some cookbooks along the way and even acted in a movie. Paula Deen has definitely had a very full and interesting life since she started cooking and bagging those catered dinners.
Even Oprah Winfrey recognized Paula Deen by having her on her show. Apparently, many women responded because of Paula's inspiration. She had a skill that she really enjoyed. Maybe it started out just as a hobby when she made yummy snacks for her teenage sons and their buddies. Paula Deen may not have started out with the idea of becoming rich and famous through her hobby. Chances are she just wanted to make some extra money to provide well for her family, which is how many successful mothers-turned-business-owners start out.
Meet my good friend Jennifer Holmes. Jennifer and I went to college together and spent many hours sharing long conversations, lots of laughs and many bags of m&m's while cramming for final exams. I never realized how creative Jennifer was until recently when she told me about her business and I immediately wanted to share this with you.
Jennifer and her adventurous husband have been married for about 12 years now. They have two children who I find to be the most adorable kids. Ok, well next to mine, that is. When their first child was born they affectionately nicknamed her Bug. A couple of years later along came their second child who also acquired a nickname of Monster.
Jennifer's husband had given her a sewing machine and she had really taken to making and creating things. She made costumes for a kindergartenclass she was teaching at the time. She sewed and sewed and sewed so much that she basically wore the little machine out. While she was pregnant with Bug, the oldest child, she couldn't seem to find the right baby bedding that she wanted, so she borrowed a friend's sewing machine and made her own. Then she made a flannel blanket with a blanket stitch around the edges. And later, when Bug was about 5 months old, Jennifer made her a Tag Blanket. Apparently, her daughter absolutely loved it.
Jennifer invested in her second sewing machine and began making blankets and Tag blankets for her expectant friends. With her husband being in the military at that time, there was always a mom-to-be that could use a baby blanket. Jennifer made up business cards and included them with the gifts. That is how MonsterBug Blankets began.
These blankets are rather unique. You will definitely not find anything like them in department stores and I must say that the quality is evident in the pictures you will find on her website. Jennifer goes beyond the traditional pinks and blues for babies and has found extraordinary color schemes and designs. You really need to check them out for yourself. These make perfect gifts. She has since expanded on her collection of baby blankets and has begun making other unique gifts as well.
You can find her creations at http://www.monsterbugblankets.com/ and you will be amazed at what she has done with her hobby. She is able to help provide extra money for her family and gets to do something that she enjoys. She is a great and successful mother to be using her talents in such a way. Maybe Jennifer Holmes as well as Paula Deen can serve as an inspiration to you to start nurturing whatever skills you already have to make a better life for your family and for yourself.
It's not about becoming rich and famous, even though Paula Deen inherited that with her cooking skills. It's about using what you have and not being afraid to take a chance at something. I'm sure Paula Deen spent a lot of time practicing making her dishes good before offering them in her catering business. Jennifer Holmes has probably spent a lot of time restitching endless seams to make them just right on the quilts she has for sale. You do not have to be perfect at something to get started. You just need to get started.
If you enjoy something, why not devote a little bit more time to that hobby and see what develops. Who knows, you might discover over time that you actually have what it takes to create additional income for your family. When it's all said and done, family does matter and if you can make more money yet spend more time with them, it's definitely worth the effort. Until next time, I hope you have a great week!